As i keep saying, Metallica for me is a very different experience as a ‘middle aged’ person who has experienced… what i guess you can call life; versus a teenage kid trying to figure it all out. Obviously, teenagers experience life as well (some more involved than others), just as there are older people who haven’t lived much at all.

i think back on my life though, and i think about the places i’ve been and the people i’ve met- realizing how much i’ve actually done in my life. Despite being heavily introverted i’ve had a desire to always see, do and learn new things, that require interacting with others. i would always go on adventures, going on long, random bicycle rides or walks to wherever the universe took me. Though it’s a scary thing to do, i mustered up the courage to talk to strangers at shows or on the train.

i’ve been called weird my whole life, up to this day. i have never let that stop me.

There are so many things i aimed to do; my plan has been to enter a triathlon (either full or half) by the age of 50 (i have 4 1/2 years to go currently). Before the accident i was training in jiu jitsu and getting better at pullups. These are still goals i have, but perhaps i’ll do that triathlon at 52 instead of 50; or i’ll get a black belt in jiu jitsu in 15 or 20 years instead of 10. For sure, i am a disabled person and i recognize my limitations; that doesn’t mean i’m incapable of living life as full as i can.

And heeeeeeere is where we have music…

Everything is dialectical. As i keep saying, one positive in regards to everything regarding this accident is that it rekindled my relationship with playing instruments. And it shifted my relationship to the meaning and experience of Metallica.

i mean… i never in my life played a Metallica song in my life on any instruments until i became an amputee, and their music is not particularly easy to play, for someone like me. i had to fight through that fear of ‘not being as good as others’ who not only are far superior musicians, but also who have played their music far more often. The first step in getting better is just doing it. If people laugh, that’s expected. But they must remember that they also started in the same position, before they got better.

Exhibit A (for me anyway): ‘My Apocalypse’. i’m a person that picks the smallest thing apart sometimes, and there were sooooooooo many imperfections here. My hands were also sweaty (more than usual), but i decided to post this anyway.

Exhibit A (and 1/2- to my primary point): ‘Motorbreath’.

i’ve heard this song countless times, but it wasn’t until i decided to do it for this post where it actually hit me.

On the surface, it’s most likely a love letter (one out of many) to Motörhead. The premise is… fast living. But an astute (young) person once wrote this lyric that truly resonated with me- ‘Those people who tell you not to take chances/They are all missing on what life’s about/You only live once so take hold of the chance/Don’t end up like others, same song and dance’.

i decided to take a major chance and put myself out there, despite not being the greatest of a musician. If i’m forever going to stay worried about all the mistakes i make in this journey, i’m never going to live.

Thanks Mr. Hetfield. And Mr. Tanner.