Every single member of Metallica has specific quirks that are associated with them. Rob (with his skateboarder style) has the ‘crab walk’ and stomp, Kirk lifts his arms up and smiles in between songs; he also has his beloved wah pedal. James, with his wide stance, sometimes shimmies. All of these things i love to see; that said, i always love watching Lars Ulrich when he plays. Getting up after every song, snapping and yelling “That’s right!” has definitely become a part of his personality, but i love watching him do that because (as seemingly the band’s biggest cheerleader) it’s as if every song is an accomplishment. This is inspiring to me as a person who plays drums, not only because Lars is my greatest musical inspiration; i have to also remember that even though i am not the greatest player, just getting to the drums (or any instrument) and playing is an accomplishment. Learning a song is an accomplishment, even if it’s not played in the same way as the original song.
Even learning that i am able to somewhat ‘decently’ sing the ‘crushing metal’ portion of ‘My Apocalypse’ (my favorite part of the whole Death Magnetic album- those lyrics are something i have actually experienced and survived) in a 1.5 speed a few times before totally messing it up is an accomplishment.
i always cherish moments like these, because they’re not always there- sometimes on the same day. Most days i learn to manage (where no one would even know if i’m in the middle of an episode), and some days it’s a chore to even get through the day.
i’ve spoken about my experience with depression on here quite a bit, as well as my connection with the 72 Seasons album. ’Too Far Gone?’ is a song i fell in love with instantly when i first heard it at the world premiere at the theater, as its lyrics spoke to me deeply:
I, I am tribulation
Digging down to the bone
I, I am agitation
Never leaves me alone
Keep on, push it along
Don’t want to feel this
Sink in, start to believe
That I don’t exist
You’ve begun to spend your life internalizing so much of the trauma you experienced in life on some level, even if you’ve healed from the surface of it. Sometimes you self-medicate; sometimes you harm others, and sometimes you harm yourself. As you identify with this trauma (whether consciously or not) you consider yourself to be at the point where you can’t be redeemed, and you just live with it. ’Too Far Gone?’ reads as a cry for help on one level, and a prayer on another level (as several songs on the album do). 72 Seasons is perhaps Metallica’s best sequenced album- this song is followed by ‘Room Of Mirrors’– and ‘Too Far Gone?’ reads as a perfect meditation on finding the will to experience one more day, even if your brain and body are telling you the opposite.
Never too far gone
I’m never too far gone to save
I can make it through the dayMake it through the day
Just for today
While i have always found connection with the song, it was not until September 14, 2023 when i was moved to tears.
The band premiered ‘Too Far Gone?’ months before at Metlife Stadium (the same place i had the opportunity to meet Rob, Kirk and Lars). Footage from this show ended up being used in a reworked video accompanying the song. In addition to this live footage were shots of Curitiba, Brazil-based Felipe Nunes, a young man who became a double-leg amputee as a child (due to a train accident). His skills developed as he initially used the board as transportation. Tony Hawk became one of his biggest supporters, and Nunes eventually represented as a member of the Birdhouse crew (which is led by Hawk).
When i watched this video (which was directed by Coan Buddy Nichols), i cried.
The video could have taken the ‘inspiration porn’ route, but it was incredibly smart not to. Far too many people who not move through the world as a physically disabled person look at someone like Felipe Nunes and say, ‘This man has no legs; I better stop saying I’m having a rough day, because look at him! He has it harder than I do, and he doesn’t let that stop him from being amazing!’ People mean very well when they say things like that, but there’s a fine line between admiration and condescension. It is okay to acknowledge we all have rough days, whether or not we have a disability.
The video was incredibly moving because it highlighted Nunes’ struggles, as well as his accomplishments. It highlighted him moving through the world as an amputee in an ableist society. Amputees (and other folks with apparent disabilities) tend to be thought of as ‘brave’ or ‘noble’ when simply getting through their day, or doing things they love. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone who is not disabled finding inspiration or admiration but again, there is a fine line. i cannot speak for everyone, but it feels incredibly patronizing when i’m considered to be ‘special’ just because i get out of bed and move through the day. It’s really not that special- in fact, it’s incredibly difficult to do sometimes. Quiet as it’s kept, it’s not too far along the spectrum as someone who says they don’t know if they would even be able to survive if they became an amputee.
The best thing to do are two things: talk to folks who have varying ranges of disabilities (both physical and non) to understand that not all experiences are monolithic, and advocate for building a society that is available to accommodate all bodies and needs.
As a person who skated in my younger days (and stopped in my 20s, which is still relatively early), the video had me once again missing skateboarding. One of my favorite moments in life is meeting Steve Olson, but i digress. The humanistic way in which Nunes was visually weaved into the narrative of the song (plus the band’s acknowledgement of folks in the deaf community (as they made ASL-themed videos of all their songs from 72 Seasons)) gives me a greater level of respect for the band.
i was in an incredible amount of physical pain playing this song (as well as the other song featured in this post), but i pushed through it. i accomplished it. And this is why i smile when i play, and every time i end a song.
Remember that we are never too far gone to ask for help, or reach out, no matter where we are in life, or what our physicality is like.
As anyone who regularly reads this blog knows (and thank you by the way); even though i love all the songs, the ones i choose to play for each post are those i’ve connected to in that moment. Lars once again was the inspiration for choosing to play ‘Spit Out The Bone’ here, the final song on …Hardwired To Self-Destruct. The sequence that opens and closes the song is one of my favorite Lars sequences/fills, and i’ve always loved watching him play on this song (and was incredibly happy to see the band do it at their 40th Anniversary show); but it’s always a song i struggled with, and (obviously) still do. That said, i’m a bit better at it than i was when i made attempts to play it last year. It was pretty bad. i don’t think Lars has ever been one to regularly practice rudiments; they admittedly are not something i practice every day, but i can tell you that getting some rudiments in has helped in being better at songs like this one. This song (as with many of the band’s songs) is not necessarily that easy to do with one leg (and an eternally swollen and weak foot/ankle on the remaining leg). As a person who is right handed i also had to learn to adapt and play similar to a left-handed player, as my right leg isn’t there. It is a whole new language that i am still in the process of learning and getting used to. Sometimes i think that situation is ‘too far gone’ (if you will), but i make due and work around it.
There are so many excellent sections of this song- too many to mention. Metallica songs are like mini books within themselves, with chapters that take you on a journey. One section i will mention is one of the riffs within the bridge… It is the riff that introduces the “Stop breathing/And dedicate to me” line. Amid the narrative of the catastrophe that unchecked technological advances can bring, there is this beautiful riff (and its harmonies) that moves me to tears.
So of course i played it on repeat, because that is what i do. And as i was listening and taking in its beauty i realized that there increasingly are riffs coming from Metallica that remind me of another one of my all-time favorite bands, Bad Religion. i’ve never heard Metallica citing Bad Religion (who laid the groundwork for skate punk and some iterations of pop punk) as an influence at all, despite them both being birthed in Southern California around the same time, and despite Kirk and James being heavily into skating in the 80s. Still, a few of the riffs and harmonies emerging from this later era of Metallica (specifically since Hardwired) don’t seem too estranged from, in my view, one of the greatest punk bands (and bands in general) to exist.
i am absolutely loving it, even if most folks (including the band) may not agree.
Aside from all that, i suppose this has turned into another ‘Thank you Lars’ post. He will never read this, but i still want to acknowledge how he has inspired me to find acceptance of the accomplishments, even if they’re not perfect. Because in all the moments of pain, i still accomplished something.
That’s right.