Category Archives: guitar,

Screaming Into A Void (And Into A Microphone)…

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Every time i make the decision to record music- whether originals or covers- i learn something new every time.

It SHOULD be that anyone who plays music on some spectrum of regularity can be called a musician. Despite the deep love i have for playing music, the intrusive thoughts and imposter syndrome i have will not let me do that. And while i don’t necessarily call myself as such; i certainly do share similar sentiments as those who are. Once you begin to play with, again, any sense of regularity, you begin to hear music differently.

i’ve always been attracted to certain chords (without having necessarily known what they were), or massively off time signatures. There have always been bands who stayed with me because of this; however, anyone who knows me well enough also knows that that the lyrics are a priority for me… You could be the greatest musician, but if the messages you’re putting out into the universe don’t resonate with me (sociopolitically or otherwise), it’s gonna be much more difficult for me to listen to (or enjoy) the music.

Some of the music i enjoy listening to would be consider ‘noise’ in some circles. i don’t get upset, because there’s plenty of music for everyone; we are not all going to love the same things. For me though, some of the ‘noisiest’ music makes the most sense in this chaotic world. Some of the ‘noisiest’ sounds connect to other movements in art, such as surrealism, poetry, and anti fascist organizing.
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Of course, one of the most well-known bands to eschew ‘beautiful sounds’ in favor of sonically matching the world’s absurdities is Napalm Death, one of my all-time favorite bands (granted, i have a lot of all-time favorite bands, but Napalm Death is one of them). Formed in 1981 in the West Midlands, UK; they are still creating- and sound as amazing as ever.

i have never thought about covering Napalm Death because again, i’m not THAT good. Part of doing Prosthetics And Drumstick Unite! though, is about exploring different ways i could interpret music, in spite of my limited playing abilities. It is about challenging myself every step of the way, mistakes and all. It is about the journey, whether or not i’m ‘good enough’ to be called a musician.

And having fun in the process.

So i said ‘why not?’ to covering Napalm Death.

There were several songs i wanted to cover, but i narrowed it down to three, and made it a mini medley, to match the energy of their catalog of short songs- they have a 5-minute track here and there, but overall, their songs tend to range from one to two minutes on average.

Of course (as a wink and a nod of course) i started off with ‘You Suffer’, which was once given an entry in the Guinness Book Of World Records for being the shortest song of all time (at 1.3 seconds); in this day and age of the internet’s relative ubiquitousness, the song has been seen as akin to a meme to some, as opposed to a portion of a whole theme of addressing injustices, which we saw with the band’s first album Scum, released in 1987, where ‘You Suffer’ is on. In other cases, it’s being discussed with the same weight as one would discuss philosophy. In fact, Benjamin Myers considers the song to be “one of the most important musical works of the 20th century”:

“If Scum represented creative conflicts – two bands operating under one name – then ‘You Suffer’ takes the idea of misery and anguish and chisels it down to something pure. It asks a question that could be posed to anyone who is acting upon a similar need to express, expel and expunge, or suffers from mental health problems, or is simply a human being acutely aware of their place in a chaotic world.”

Considered to be the ‘Godfathers of Grindcore’ (but of course expanding their sound over the years; they are most likely the most well known of their peers, and proof, despite all of the UK’s countless problems, bands such as Napalm Death could get exposure on television and never compromise their music, or beliefs. Punk culture has seeped its way into the mainstream in one way or another- there were shows such as Never Mind The Buzzcocks (despite it not being ‘punk’ in and of itself), so it’s not surprising to me that the band would be on a show like Skins, where in 2011 they performed at the famed Bristol Bierkeller, which has now since closed since 2018.

(Some folks may also be old enough to remember the infamous epilepsy-inducing segment of the Craig Charles-hosted ‘What’s that Noise’ kids show on the BBC in 1989, where the band made a guest appearance during the From Enslavement To Obliteration era.)

On Skins, the show (or gig, if you’re in the UK) was dated for Thursday, October 10; and yes, while there certainly are people who considered them to be sellouts for doing this, it’s very clear they’re not since, again, no significant values have been compromised. (Were there people who considered them to be sellouts in 1989?) i personally think it’s great that young people could be exposed to music which allows for questioning so much we’ve been conditioned to accept. The song they performed was the second song i covered for the medley, ‘Strong-Arm’.

While i don’t agree that you can negotiate with an oppressor; on an interpersonal level i concur with the song’s lyrics: “Spare the rod and you’ll arise… A strong-arm is for bleak times/But talk it through, gain insight.”

The final part of the medley is my favorite Napalm Death song, ‘Smash A Single Digit’ off of my favorite album of theirs, Apex Predator – Easy Meat. Vocalist Barney Greenway describes the album as being the “foundation as recognizing human beings as human beings, as opposed to objects of productivity, or objects of profitability.” The album was also, in part, created in memory of those who perished in the 2013 Rana Plaza garment factory collapse in Bangladesh. 1,134 people died as a result of structural failure and abysmal working conditions. The song (co-written by Greenway and bassist Shane Embury) is, in line with the album’s theme, decisively about labor exploitation and wage slavery.

Given my limitations, i took a few liberties with the arrangement: Besides the obvious usage of melodica, a major chord or two snuck in there… defeating the purpose of Napalm Death’s long held musical tradition i suppose. i’m also not as good of a screamer as Barney, Lee Dorrian, John Cooke or anyone else who’s done vocals (lead or background) for the band, so i hope things aren’t too bad.

Here, i do attempts at screaming, plus i’m playing a melodica, a desk, tambourine, and bass.

The next song i’m covering is a song beloved by Napalm Death (as they’ve covered it every time i’ve seen them (the first time being 1996); it is also a song which is quite timely, since we’re in an environment (once again) where people openly share the sentiment that punk and goth scenes hold spaces for right wingerism; in fact, there is this idea that ‘conservatism is punk’, despite people who hold this view tend to espouse status quo positions.

‘Nazi Punk Fuck Off’ (by the Dead Kennedys; written by Jello Biafra) called this very sentiment to question: “You ain’t hardcore ’cause you spike your hair/when a jock still lives inside your head”, and “When you ape the cops it ain’t Anarchy.”

As Biafra once said at a show (before ripping into the song), “If you’re no different from your parents, what are you rebelling against anyway? You’re fittin’ in.” The closing line of these very people “being the first to go” if something were to go down is quite fitting to this day as well, as you have many toxic ‘chronically online’ individuals feel safety in their echo chambers; however, when faced with consequences (by whatever means) of the outside world- or if asked to perform the roles they supposedly idealize, they lack accountability, and blame others for their inability to perform up to task. When one’s primary means of communication is online, there’s more of a propensity to react, as opposed to respond.

The In God We Trust, Inc. EP was reportedly the band’s response to the hardcore records being produced around the time. The first DKs album i ever heard was their first- Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables, and i truly enjoyed the experimentation and odd time signatures (largely due to Carlo Cadona/6025), the jazz-inspired riffs, the social commentary and the surrealist collage art (primarily by Winston Smith). It was also the first record i ever purchased off the Alternative Tentacles (AT) label, and i fell in love with watching that Vampire Bat go round in circles ever since. In God We Trust, Inc. (originally released as ‘Virus 5’ on AT) still shared some of those elements (again, partly due to 6025, who was very much gone from the band by that point); but instead of mid tempo anthems, they opted largely for speed- and it worked.

Speaking of Cadona; it’s fairly ironic that his one contribution to In God We Trust, Inc. was the opening song, ‘Religious Vomit’, when in later years he reportedly became quite religious.

(And yes, i know that Jello lost the rights to releasing any subsequent DK reissues as a result of the lawsuit which happened between him and the rest of the band; still, there’s nothing like playing these records, and watching the bat go round and round.)

While Napalm Death’s cover is perhaps the most well-known among them; i stayed a bit truer to the original, except i played the melodica on it. i also played bass, a desk, a cardboard box, and a tambourine. i did the vocals in one take- a VERY rare thing- and i like how it sounded, even if i messed up.

In God We Trust, Inc. is one of the records which taught me how to sing quick vocals… D.R.I.’s Violent Pacification EP (as well as the Dirty Rotten EP) also initially taught me.

In terms of bands, when i was coming up D.R.I. was always one of my favorites because of their massively strange time signatures. A lot of times, when people do things like that, it’s because they hear those patterns in their heads, as opposed to being traditionally educated on how to construct a 5/4 or 7/4 signature. Don Van Vliet (fka Captain Beefheart) would be the biggest example of this.

To add all of this to the military band precision of Eric Brecht and Felix Griffin’s drumming on those earlier records, matching the frantic energy of Kurt Brecht’s vocals contributed to expanding my mind at how experimental punk and hardcore could be…. Not to mention, of course, bands like the Meat Puppets, the Minutemen, Hüsker Dü and so many others did this for me as well.

i’ve covered D.R.I. two other times here- once in the very first post i did, and the other sometime last year: ‘Mad Man’ and ‘Draft Me’ (one of my all-time favorite D.R.I. songs), respectfully.

For this post, i decided to cover ‘To Open Closed Doors’ (another one of my all-time favorites), from Violent Pacification. Amazingly (and surprisingly), it is a song i have seen covered by… literally no one else. A song that reads more as an existential crisis than their usual social commentary, this is one of the songs i was certainly thinking about when talking about appreciating the construction of music, the more you play it. i always hear the song start on a different count than i think they actually intend for it to be, and covering it helps to better understand where they were perhaps intending to go.

For this cover i played, bass, a cardboard box (and a desk), tambourine and melodica. And of course, vocals.

The final cover of the day is of a band absolutely loved by deep music lovers (including myself)- and despite albums that ended up on the charts, are still deemed obscure in the larger scheme of things: XTC.

‘Living Through Another Cuba’ (from the 1980 album Black Sea and written by Andy Partridge) will continually be a timeless song as long as the ravages of US imperialism and waves of Red Scare-era tactics and sentiments persist. If i recall it was the first XTC song i ever heard, as it was included on Life In The European Theatre, an anti-nukes awareness compilation released in 1982 on Elektra Records. i instantly fell in love with the song. The compilation also featured Bad Manners, The Clash, the Au Pairs, Peter Gabriel, Echo & The Bunnymen, and The Doors.

‘Living Through Another Cuba’ directly references what is known as ‘the Cuban Missile Crisis’, which occurred in October 1962 (and not 1961, as the song states in error). While the US deployed nuclear weapons throughout the UK (among other places), the Soviet Union deployed them in Cuba, leading to conflict between the US and the Soviets- of course this would not be the last time these conflicts would occur. While i’m not particularly advocating for nuclear weapons here, it’s very clear that the US is okay with either they or countries they are aligned with to have them, but no one else. Partridge describes the song as being “total nuclear-war paranoia. That, and the uselessness of England – this completely and utterly useless little country whose significance in the world ended at the First World War.”

The US’s antagonistic relationship toward Cuba goes way back though: Lestor Mallory- the assistant Secretary Of State of Inter-American Affairs, produced a memo on April 6,1960 memo in which the objective was to ensure “The Decline and Fall of (Fidel) Castro”:

“The only foreseeable means of alienating internal support is through disenchantment and disaffection based on economic dissatisfaction and hardship.

If the above are accepted or cannot be successfully countered, it follows that every possible means should be undertaken promptly to weaken the economic life of Cuba.

If such a policy is adopted, it should be the result of a positive decision which would call forth a line of action which, while as adroit and inconspicuous as possible, makes the greatest inroads in denying money and supplies to Cuba, to decrease monetary and real wages, to bring about hunger, desperation, and overthrow of government.”

Just like France never forgave the people of Haiti for liberating themselves in 1804, the US continues to bestow collective punishment onto the people of Cuba to this very day (via the blockade as directed by the Mallory memo), for liberating themselves and ending the dictatorial rule of US-backed Fulgencio Batista in 1959.

While the song espouses a fear of an all-out nuclear war; the song could also well be about the US’s desire to eradicate any semblance of socialism or anti-colonial movements around the globe.

Beside its primary message, covering the song had me thinking of something else. While i love writing and creating music (and arranging these covers in my own way); similar to Andy Partridge, i don’t necessarily want to perform them. i’ve been in quite a few bands in my lifetime (and have performed on stage with said bands), but the stage is not where i want to be at this point.

i don’t mind doing the occasional performance (maybe once or twice a year), but i am perfectly happy watching my friends and favorite bands do the thing they love (and learn about some new bands in turn). i do not know if this perspective changed for me post accident, or if it was merely the passage of time.

Nevertheless, i (again) enjoy writing and creating music, and challenging myself by learning to play covers of songs i never dreamed i would be able to attempt. It’s obviously not as good as the originals; however, i hope these songs put a smile on someone’s face, and make their day better.

For this cover i played guitar, bass, desk, cowbell, claves, tambourine, melodica, handclaps and… vocals. i messed up a few times, but that’s part of the journey. i also changed the date to better reflect the accuracy of events, and updated a couple of lyrics. In terms of the arrangement, i was slightly inspired by an amped up interpretation by Underground System.

Also… Don’t mind my bad British accent…

Fulfilling Teenage Wishes (Part 1)

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i don’t come from a musical family, so i have no idea where it comes from. All i can say is, as long as i remember, whether they actually existed in a song or not i’ve always had harmonies in my head for anything that was on. This of course grew as i began to listen to things outside of what my mother played in the house. Regardless if it was screaming hardcore/punk, folk or R&B, everything got a harmony attached to it.

With that, as i joined a few bands and recorded a solo project or two as a teenager, there were a few songs i had wanted to cover. i had this elaborate plan in my head around how i wanted to go about it, but of course, nothing panned out. Over the years i did do covers (mostly a capella, on ukulele and on piano); however, the particular songs i had longed to do were not among that list- until now.

The way my brain works- If i have a bit of time in my schedule, i will randomly want to create something, whether that’s writing or music. When i was taking a shower- because that’s most likely what happened- the idea arrived that i could actually cover a few of the songs i had wanted to cover since i was a sad/angry teenager who loved harmonies.

One of the songs at the top of that list is ‘Safari’ by the Breeders. A well-beloved song by fans and appreciators, it is the title track from the 1992-released four song EP. Both The Breeders and Pixies (Kim Deal’s band prior to The Breeders) were among some of my earliest musical influences (and you can still hear some of that in music i play today); they also contributed to the development of my massive Steve Albini appreciation.

A direct tribute to Black Sabbath, the video was a apt accompaniment to the seemingly trippy but glorious (no pun intended) layering, with every instrument holding a simultaneous clarity. My favorite part of the song is the ethereal/atmospheric first twenty seconds- i always play this on repeat. Even more favorite is Josephine Wiggs (who rarely if ever gets credited for being the amazing bassist she is) seemingly stopping short, as she realized she wasn’t supposed to keep playing. Whether or not it was intentional, she hits a note that gives everything this perfect touch. Teenage me (who wanted to cover the song) was destined to figure out a way to pay tribute, with whatever limited access to equipment i had.

So here we are, 33 years later… i’m not the greatest ‘musician’ so it’s obviously not as clean or ethereal, but my dream of covering the song has come true. The main difference between the cover and original is that, for some reason, i did not use any toms during the intro/chorus riff; i cannot tell you why. i also added some harmonies, because that is what i do. Because as (the) Buzzcocks once sang, there’s always a harmony in my head.

Released in 1993, Bubble And Scrape by Sebadoh is one i played on repeat in my portable cassette player, among their other albums. A mix of messy punk rock and lovelorn homemade folk, their music satiated a love i had for both noise and beautiful harmonies.

As someone who identified as hopelessly romantic at the time, Lou Barlow’s tales of lost and unrequited love resonated with me, and they balanced perfectly with Eric Gaffney and Jason Lowenstein’s surrealist and intoxication-inspired narratives. ‘Think (Let Tomorrow Bee)’, the album’s penultimate song, was one i played on repeat, as i thought about the hundreds of ways i could tell someone i had feelings for them but was too scared to, because every time i did it always ended in rejection. Because of this, most days i kept my feelings inside, with the songs to keep me company.

As the song is just guitar and vocals it would be much easier to cover, but it’s not something i ever got around to… until now, 32 years later. i had no idea how i was going to approach things, until i sat down at the drums. This then gave me a better (if not full) idea of how i would potentially approach the rest of the song. After this, i added the bass, then some guide vocals. This all helped me to navigate how i would approach the keys. After messing around, what ended happening was something that ended up being completely different from the original, with the intention of it being completely respectful to the sentiment.

i hope i did okay…

BAD RELIGION (in F#m)!!!

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“We made a conscious decision, that in fusing our songs with these kinds of… to some people erudite;but I’d say higher consciousness, kinda nerdy type topics… was a way of stimulating conversation outside of the music venue. As I went on in my academic career I did that in science and in lecturing and places like that. And it gives me just as big a thrill to hear about these kids who come up to us all the time and say, you know, ‘I’m studying biology now because of a song that you wrote’, or ‘I’m gonna be a philosopher because of the song that you wrote.'”

Greg Graffin, 2013

Anyone reading this blog regularly knows that Bad Religion is one of my all-time favorite bands; i’ve actually covered them a couple of times (here and here). There are a few of the band’s positions i don’t particularly agree with (for starters, i am politically quite a bit more to the left than its members (if you can believe that); also, i am neither an atheist nor agnostic).  That said, while i believe a spiritual or religious practice is something that can be helpful or provide structure to one’s life, i also hold the belief that a secular society devoid of the toxic dogmatism that exists in some circles is a far more progressive and humanistic society. i am an advocate for science. Additionally, i do not hold the belief that evolution and nature (or even a belief in God (or a higher being)) are mutually exclusive. Even if one holds steadfast in a religious practice, asking constant questions should be crucial in that practice. 

The problem is that whether political, ideological or religious, some of the staunchest ‘believers’ refuse to ask questions. This is the ultimate proclamation of the band. Not all members of Bad Religion are even staunch atheists- there exists a spectrum of relative belief and non-belief in what society collectively holds as ‘God’. The statement is clear, even on their first album, How Could Hell Be Any Worse?:

It’s all right to have faith in god
But when you bend to their rules and their fucking lies
That’s when I start to have pity on you.

You’re living on a mound of dirt,
But you can’t explain your reason for existence
So you blame it on god.

So much hatred in this world and you can’t decide
Who’s pulling the strings
So you figure it’s god.

Your whole life foreshadows death
And you finally realize you don’t want to die alone
So you’ll always have god.

How we are meant to view (the specifically Christian interpretation of) God is based on individual perceptions and convenience. It is never consistent. 

While Greg Graffin exclaims he “ain’t no deist” in the song ‘Materialist’ from The Process Of Belief, there are the additional lyrics: “The process of belief is an elixir when you’re weak/
I must confess, at times I indulge it on the sneak.”

i hold pretty strong political positions. That said, while i don’t identify as a Marxist-Leninist or Stalinist i am a person who honors dialectical and historical materialism, therefore it would make little sense of me to not ask questions of even beliefs or ideologies i hold. This is how we progress in accordance to particular material conditions at any given time. Nothing about life is static. (And i do see a connection between religion/spirituality and revolution, since it is material by its very nature, despite hardcore religious folks choosing to leave that out).

Despite not being an atheist or agnostic, i think the questions the band asks (not only of themselves, but the listener) are extremely critical. One also doesn’t necessarily have to wholly agree with a band’s views to enjoy them- as long as those views are not harmful and inhumane. 

Additionally, the songs are well-crafted.
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The first BR (as they will herein and interchangeably be called) album i ever heard was No Control, and i immediately fell in love. The album was released one day before i turned 13, but of course, i heard it a few years later at the age of 15 or 16. i was an angry young punk kid back then, but i’ve always had an incredibly soft spot for harmonies, and always sang them to songs that didn’t have them. i used to also watch the Flipside-released concert a lot, where they did many of the songs from both their first (self-titled) EP, as well as their first album. 

When Graffin, in an interview with Rolling Stone in 1994 said that “(f)olk music usually has an emphasis on the lyrics and melody. And those lyrics are usually relevant in some way. And it’s populist in scope, which is also true of Bad Religion,” this makes total sense to me. He added, “So it’s more meant to draw some parallels between the two. And I think even my voice and my delivery can be thought of as a little bit folky.”

No Control satiated my desire to have music that was both critical of society, as well as carry impressive harmonies. It also further encouraged my love of reading, and the teenage me had to constantly pick up a dictionary or thesaurus, as the lyrics educated me on new words. i played that cassette what seemed like every day, among additionally getting their other albums. Their songs lent to various subjects i was passionate about at the time (and still am)- the Earth’s destruction due to human apathy, callousness and plundering of resources; fervent right-wing religious nationalism; and of course, the refusal to ask questions of the societies we live in, and the practices we partake in. 

And the palaces now stand where the coffins all were laid,
And the times we see ahead, we must glaze with rosy hues,
For we don’t wish to admit what it is we have to lose.
Millenia incoming, the modern age is here.
It sanctifies the future, yet renders us with fear.

As i was coming to actively resist was was taught to me, Change Of Ideas was a much welcomed song in my life. 
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Graffin, the band’s co-founder, lead vocalist and primary co-writer (as well as its longest-serving member in their 43-year existence) received a Bachelor of Science from UCLA, as well as a Ph.D in zoology from Cornell University. In addition to being in a punk band, he alternates as a professor and lecturer. i was not aware of this fact when i first got into his band, but in all my years of listening to them it makes absolute sense. 

He has written university-based dissertations, as well as several books which are a reflection of his humanist/naturalist ideas. While Do What You Want reflects on the collective joys and struggles of the band; Population Wars and Anarchy Evolution emphasize the connections between community, art and science. Punk Paradox, as a memoir, leans even more on the personal and contemplative. Even as, again, i am not a ‘nonbeliever’, his writing ropes you in and takes you on a journey. As a person who is a writer and loves writing… a lot (yet still struggles with the label); as a person who is a better writer than speaker; and as a person who is attracted to particular styles of writing (including the various ways people alter traditions of language), Graffin certainly has a way with words.

How he makes a connection between a mosh pit and the punk community and evolutionary biology in chapter 7 of Anarchy is incredibly compelling. In chapter 6 of Population he recounts a story of a woman sneezing close to him on a plane, utilizing this as an example of how population wars are also an internal, biological factor. He follows this with a fascinating experience he had visiting a cathedral in Cologne, Germany: “I may not “believe,” but I can respect the human achievement involved in the building of it, especially considering that work started in 1248, centuries before the first bulldozer or high-rise crane.” 

In a passage evocative of a BR lyric, he adds: “I stand next to a teenager speaking Spanish; he’s wearing cutoff shorts and a T-shirt that says “Hellfest 2013.” We are joined by a noisy gang of Americans, talking loudly about their visit to the Cathedral of the Saint John the Divine in New York last Christmas for a new-age music concert performed by Paul Winter. In fact, it seems that most of the visitors from distant lands were simply eager to marvel at the grandiosity of the building. I noticed, furthermore, that only a very small percentage of people who enter this “active place of worship” seem interested in any kind of traditional prayer or pilgrimage.”
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While all members throughout the history of the band have had a hand in co-writing a song or two, Brett Gurewitz has been the other primary songwriter, making him and Graffin, according to some, the ‘Lennon and McCartney of punk.’ While he took a leave of absence for a few years (focusing largely on running Epitaph Records (among other things)), his presence and influence has always been powerful. Gurewitz currently doesn’t tour extensively with the band but still creates with them. While Graffin’s pen game is indicative of his time and tenure as a professor (and evolutionary biologist), ‘Mr. Brett’ is no slouch when it comes to the five dollar words. His less than veiled nod to pop sensibilities and keen wit (plus slight sentimentality) are a perfect balance to Graffin’s biting sarcasm and folk influences.

The reason why Bad Religion are so effective as a musical and cultural entity/institution though, cannot simply be because of these two. Jay Bentley (who spent a bit of time in T.S.O.L.)’s effective, walking bass lines, as well as the positive energy he displays on stage and off can never be understated. Guitarists Brian Baker, Greg Hetson and Mike Dimkich (who have history in Minor Threat/Dag Nasty, Circle Jerks and the Cult respectfully- Hetson is no longer in BR) have given the band specific texture and layers that aren’t necessarily common among their peers; Jay Ziskrout, Pete Finestone, Bobby Schayer, Brooks Wackerman (whose roots are in jazz and currently plays with Avenged Sevenfold) and Jamie Miller are all important contributing factors to the drumming legacy of the band. While you can hear distinct personalities in each of them (particularly the longer-serving drummers); there is a simultaneous seamlessness that hasn’t been interrupted.

“When it comes down to it, songwriting is self-control. Most of what you spend your day doing, you have to throw away at the end of the day. It’s not good enough. You think it sounds cool, but it’s just not good enough. It’s hard work. It’s not fun. It can be torture, but when you get a song right it’s the most life-affirming thing. It’s pure elation.”

Greg Graffin

The other reason for the band’s effectiveness is because the lyrics display a significant timelessness. Despite a very thinly veiled cynicism overlooking the subject matter, there is also more than a glimmer of optimism. On The Gray Race (their second album from the Atlantic Records period), chapter 17 of Do What You Want describes Graffin stating in interviews that the album is “the band’s most emotional album.”

“Although it’s not a concept album, the title track serves as an organizing principle for the rest of the record. The gray race is the human species because we are the only species on the planet that can see things in terms other than black-and-white, e.g., fight or flight, kill or be killed, et cetera. Humans can perceive a middle ground that encompasses a wide range of emotions like love, empathy, kindness , and other altruistic impulses, i.e., the feelings that give life meaning. Despite this ability, our species continually creates systems that encourage (if not enforce) a black-and-white duality to existence that is responsible for war, sickness, starvation, and a host of other maladies that could be prevented if we worked together as a species. This album’s message is simple: either we have to create new ways of coexisting in the world or we are doomed to destroy one another.” 

It is here i will mention Paul Dedona (bass) or Davy Goldman (drums)’s contributions to the much-maligned second (album) release, Into The Unknown. Synth heavy, it was an incredible departure for the band to take, after releasing a seminal, heavily lauded inaugural album. i would personally compare this to the public’s unfavorable reception upon the release of Lou Reed and Metallica’s Lulu (and St. Anger, to a degree). And just like with those two albums, i actually really like Into The Unknown. While the band has performed a couple of the songs live within the past 10 or so years, the album seems to be largely ignored in their sets, from what i can see. 

The Todd Rundgren-produced The New America is another album that tends to be lower on peoples’ BR lists- including the band, based on their not-so-positive experiences with Rundgren (who was a childhood hero of Graffin’s) among other things. Bad Religion is one of those bands where i have all of their studio albums; at this point they have 17 of them. And like with Metallica, there are some albums i connect with more than others, yet i do not dislike any of them at all.
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Although i had covered a couple of their songs on this blog (as mentioned), and even suggested that a fuller post would be done in the future; it was a conversation i had with my friend Christian (who i discovered was a lover of BR as well) that inspired the actual idea to do it sooner than later. The seed that got the conversation with him was actually my last post, where i opined that a certain section of Metallica’s ‘Spit Out The Bone’ sounded like it would be welcome as a Bad Religion song. 

In the course of struggling to figure out which songs i was going to cover, an idea began to flourish. Knowing they downtune their songs live (as many do), i recognized that more than a few of them happen to be in my favorite key of all time: F sharp minor, or F#m. 

This has been my favorite key in the whole world since a child, but i had no idea what it was called until more recently, to be honest. i cannot read music, and i would not be able to play back a note if you asked me what it was- except this one, i suppose. i also cannot play a barre chord on the guitar to save my life, and apparently an F#m is difficult to play for many guitar players, from the little research i did. 

Now that i had a premise though, i had to choose a collection of songs. Initially i was going to play either the drums or bass (as usual), but i made the decision to go all out and deconstruct the songs in my own way- primarily in F#m. This is the first post i’ve ever done on this site, where all of the songs posted are with instruments completely played by me, from the ground up. There were a few late nights/early mornings spent in the St. Anger room, where jesse poked their head in occasionally to say hello. It intrigues me (and simultaneously makes me laugh) how there’s a whole room of instruments, and jesse has no inclination to play anything in it. i’m definitely interested in seeing more information on the science of humans who have no interest in playing and/or listening to music at all. 
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The first thing i realized in the middle of the process of choosing songs is the inevitability of this being a multi-part tribute to this band. They have too many great songs. i am not an advanced (jazz-based) drummer like Brooks Wackerman; i cannot give rousing solos like Greg Hetson; and my singing and writing skills are not as solid as Greg Graffin’s. But i still wanted to do it.

Because i love this band. 

One of my favorite things about this band is the harmonies, so i wanted to honor them in this way as well. i opted for trying a ‘Golden Shower Of Hits’ (if you will) via an a capella medley: ’True North’ (True North); ‘Better Off Dead’ (Stranger Than Fiction); ‘Only Rain’ (The Dissent Of Man); ‘My Poor Friend Me’ (Recipe For Hate); and ‘Slumber’ (Stranger Than Fiction).

One thing i will say about recording vocals is that singing through random and sudden physical pain (and occasional internal amputated limb itching that you cannot scratch) is interesting. i am not the greatest singer either, so among the ‘Oozin’ aahs’ you will hear some voice cracks, and some ‘interesting’ notes. 

In the Rolling Stone issue mentioned above, Graffin also said this: “We actually try to keep opinions out of it, usually. Our music is just based on relevant issues, that’s all I can say. Politics are all about getting people to think your way. It’s subtle or sometimes overt coercion, and that’s the opposite of what Bad Religion are all about.” While they didn’t necessarily talk consistently about specific political parties in their music at the time of the interview, i’ve always seen the band’s content as being staunchly political, as everything we do is informed by politics. Environmentalism and a heavy critique on right wing cristofascism are indeed political subjects.

That said, in terms of the common perception people have when it comes to ‘politics’, the band were also pretty decisive in their wrath for the Bush and Trump administrations specifically, and made songs (and you could say albums) barely concealing said wrath. Evidence of this altered trajectory over the years was made from Brett Gurewitz in 2019: “In this time of tribal nationalism, dissent, as a form of political speech, is vital to democracy.” In 2016 one of the t-shirts repping the ‘Vox Populi’ tour had a not-so favorable position on both Trump and Hillary Clinton- a position i definitely agree with the band on. I tend to have a rule on not wearing t-shirts of tours i have not seen (and it’s hard to catch a show of theirs since they tend to sell out immediately), but this is the one occasion i can think of, in terms of breaking that rule.  i saw BR for the first time ever this year actually, at the Download Festival (in the UK). There were only a handful of bands i wanted to see (Metallica, The HU and Soul Glo were among the three i caught out of the handful, but i missed most of them based on how inaccessible the area was… While i HEARD THEIR SET from the outside, I MISSED MUNICIPAL WASTE- BOOOO); Bad Religion were added pretty soon before the festival to replace The Distillers. Things were made better when i ended up meeting these men from Nottingham, who were also massive BR fans. We all danced and screamed the lyrics together and celebrated life- one of the men was a cancer survivor. 

i’m speaking of this because The Empire Strikes First is, for all intents and purposes, a decisively political album (in the way politics is usually addressed- the song ‘Let The Eat War’ even includes the overtly political Sage Francis (who was also an artist on Epitaph around this time)). 

The album’s cover is interesting, because while it is an image of a man with praying hands, his hands also look bomb-like.

My favorite Bad Religion song of all time as i write this is ‘To Another Abyss,’ which comes from this album. While it is ultimately a song that can be read as a critique of the effects, dynamics, machinations and inhumanity of imperialist war; i also see it as a mini-treatise of sorts, conveying the feeling of living in a place which is incongruous to pretty much everything you stand for ideologically, politically and humanistically; this place you reside (and were most likely born in) is not home, and it ultimately never has been home. 

This actually was not an easy song to sing. i have so much respect for Mr. Graffin and his vocal abilities. It just seems so effortless for him. 

i did vocals (obviously), and played bass, guitar, drums and keys. 

The Process Of Belief is generally seen by the community of fans and admirers as the band’s ‘return to form’; it is also their first album released on Epitaph in nine years (since Recipe For Hate), as well as the point we see Brett Gurewitz’ return as a full member of the band, plus the introduction of Brooks Wackerman. While it is indeed one of my favorite albums from the band, i don’t see their other albums as any less. 

‘Bored & Extremely Dangerous’ (the album’s closer) is a heartbreaking song. While it wasn’t nonexistent, the current pervasiveness of the conversation and questions regarding ‘men and boys being left behind, contributing to their isolation and lonliness,’ incels, school/etc. shooters and the like were not as common in 2002 (when this album was released). The lyrics are succinct, and while the song is simultaneously a critique of the human subject in the song and the pernicious culture which births such humans; it is also a very empathetic reading:

A room and empty shelf
A book on mental health
I look for inner wealth
By punishing myself
I’m bored to the extreme
This world of foolish dreams
Disillusion
I am not who I seem to be
Yeah sure I might do harm
And bare my right to arm
RETRIBUTION
If only someone would listen to me
Listen to me

This song is interesting in that it pulls a King Crimson (Or early post-Genesis Peter Gabriel, or something musically similar) and places a bunch of experimental and environmental sounds and echoes in the middle of the song, for about a minute. When they’ve done the song live, Greg Graffin (who has three solo country and folk-influenced albums, which i also have) performs the song on acoustic guitar, while the second half is the whole band, electrically. 

i love punk music so much. Your favorite punk bands don’t only listen to punk music. If this were the case, it wouldn’t be particularly interesting as a whole. 

i of course, did not include this experimental part when i covered it, and arranged it in a way where the song (hopefully) flows without it. i played bass, vocals, drums, and some (messy) power chords on the guitar. 

‘American Jesus’ (from Recipe For Hate) was a song i always wanted to cover, but i wasn’t sure how i was going to address it. i can play the opening riff on guitar- to me, it is one of the greatest riffs of all time- but i cannot play it consistently at 182 BPM, which the song is, without immediately messing it up. 

Given the subject of the song, i wanted to open (and only open) with a church organ sound. What ended up happening was that the keys were the thing to drive the song, and i was able to play the riff fast in that way. In the end, the song (ironically, perhaps) ended up sounding similar to what a band like T.S.O.L. would do… or maybe Catholic Discipline?  

Bad Religion, again, musically contributed to a conversation that was not as pervasive (though still existent) as it is now, back in 1993. Christian nationalism is very real (to the point where hardcore evangelical folks in the U.S. now find Jesus… JESUS- to be too liberal. i mean, if you actually take what was written about Jesus literally, the man waged a praxis of socialist principles. The fact that there are people who consider themselves Christians, yet are opposed to the teachings of someone they claim to worship and consider God… This should tell you a lot about the driving principles and ideologies of this country). 

If i was suddenly dropped into a random city in the U.S. without any knowledge of its customs, i’d certainly think wholly negatively of Christianity. How it’s generally performed and perceived here (and spread around the world) is incredibly traumatizing and isolating to anyone on the political and social margins. 

About the song, when i first heard it it reminded me solidly of the Ramones, so of course in the cover i did i had to give a little nod. i sang (of course) and played keys, bass and drums. 

While i was working on the cover i was messing around, and found some pretty cool effects, and playing the ‘American Jesus’ riff reminded me of Kraftwerk. i also added a djembe effect. Pictured in the photo montage are a few of the instruments Kraftwerk used over the years: a Vako Orchestron, a prototype of the Synthanorma sequencer, a Minimoog, and a Maestro Rhythm King (MK-1). It’s a fairly meditative song, in comparison to all the punk you just heard. 

This post is dedicated to my fellow lovers of Bad Religion: Bryan, Christian, José, the men from Nottingham, and Chris.

And your name here. 

MUDHONEY!!!

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i have been wanting to do this post for the past few months; but like i wrote in the last post, life got in the way. To most people who may know or have heard of them, Mudhoney (who is among the top 5 of my favorite bands) may not seem to be a member of the pantheon of punk, but they have definitely inspired me as an angry punk kid. Similar to how David Lovering and Hugo Burnham (of the Pixies and Gang Of Four respectively) inspired my drumming; Mudhoney were the first band to make me want to pick up a guitar as a teenager. i even got a Big Muff pedal back then, to go with my black Peavey stratocaster with the white pick guard. i never achieved guitar greatness back then (and of course, i still haven’t), but i hoped to achieve the modicum of energy displayed within those grooves, and on their Charles Peterson- photographed record covers.

They say to never meet your heroes, but my experience has tended to contradict this saying on a few occasions.

i remember it fairly well- it was June 15, 1995. i was around 18 years old. The band played at Irving Plaza (in NYC) on tour for their album, My Brother The Cow. i was doing a fanzine at the time called The Dissonant Accost, and Julie Cafritz (who i was friends with at the time) introduced me to Steve Turner and Mark Arm, the lead and rhythm guitarists. i ended up interviewing them for the zine, and taking some photos on the stage. i no longer have a physical copy of the zine, but i hold that moment (and the fact that these people i looked up to took the time out to humor a kid like me) in my heart.

i would end up seeing both Mark and Steve whenever i’d visit Seattle from New York (especially when they’d play a show), and also when i ended up moving to the northwest. i’d hang out with Steve (and his cat friend) at his house occasionally when i rolled through town. i eventually lost contact with them (even though, interestingly, Steve and i lived in the same city for a while, and even knew some of the same folks).

i never thought i would ever see or talk to them again; and even if i did i didn’t think they would recognize me, especially since i am now an amputee.

On October 28. 2023 Abby (who shares a similar love for this band as i do, and who i was in my first ever band with) went with me to see Mudhoney (with Hooveriii opening) at Le Poisson Rouge (in NYC). We went to the section reserved for wheelchairs (which is usually a space also reserved for the soundboard and/or instrument cases); Mark Arm was standing next to me, watching the opening band. i tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he remembered me, and he did! We shared a hug, and i told him my story of getting hit by a truck and losing a leg. i asked Steve the same, and he said he did remember me (as we gave each other a hug), but i have to chuckle as i don’t think he actually remembered me, which is understandable. He did tell me he saw me dancing during the show.

i didn’t even get to tell him that i enjoyed his book, Mud Ride.

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While they were the ones who inspired me to pick up a guitar, the drums are my first love. If i feel like i could never get to the level of Mark or Steve as a player, i can’t even imagine to get near even a quarter of the greatness of Dan Peters. Despite him barely if ever being mentioned on lists of greatest drummers, he is easily on the top 10 for me. The man’s snare rolls are quick and razor sharp. And while they are primarily known for being a guitar-based band, Matt Lukin and Guy Maddison’s bass lay a foundation that would be severely missing if they weren’t there.

Mudhoney are one of those few bands where i currently have all of their albums; that said, there was a time where i owned almost all of their 45s, 12″ non-album cuts, special pressings, etc. as well. While i don’t have most of those records anymore, i did end up buying back the albums years later. Mudhoney get limited to the ‘grunge’ category, but no one band lumped into that category even sounds alike. While i generally enjoy all the bands that tend to be categorized on this level, they and the Melvins are the two bands i did gravitate towards the most. Mudhoney do for all intents and purposes hold a punk ethos creatively (and even in subject matter at times), but they carry on a similar trajectory as Don Van Vliet as much as they do for the Stooges, MC5 and the Sonics, as they are also shaped by the blues in their sound. Their major label period (on Reprise/Warner) seemingly carried on the torch from Captain Beefheart pretty well- as they were picked up in the haze of ‘Nirvana mania’ their music was actively resisting the current. Associated bands like Bloodloss carried this torch even more specifically.

Mudhoney, to me, are one of the last remaining counterculture bands of their generation.

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There were a few songs i played when i regularly played guitar many moons ago (such as ‘Need’); Abby and i also, in our second band (called The Second Day) covered Mudhoney. These days, playing guitar is like starting over, and i haven’t retained much. In a very slow manner i am learning how to play in the ‘traditional’ way; as for now, i pretty much play everything by ear and have developed a particular style of my own (as i know the way i play is far from correct).

Even as i was planning to make this post months ago, i hadn’t thought about what songs i actually wanted to do. As i was playing around for last week’s post i started playing some semblance of a Mudhoney song and thus, further inspiration was born.

(And of course, while i’m not a fan of piling on the pedals i will always have a place for the Big Muff.)

It was incredibly difficult to choose a set of songs to pay tribute to, so i kind of went the ‘random selection’ route. For this post, i will begin with a song from their latest album, the wonderful Plastic Eternity. Continuing the satirical and sneering look at human interaction with modern life (plus a song about the love of little dogs), the album contains antifascist and anti-consumerist anthems. ‘Human Stock Capital’ is one of the few songs i’ve heard that addresses labor exploitation under this most recent pandemic.

One of the things i appreciate about the band’s website is their Emergency Room: The Covid Diaries series. Bassist Guy Maddison is also a Registered Nurse (RN) at a trauma center, and the podcast spoke directly with other Registered Nurses and medical workers who told their stories about life under the roughest waves of the pandemic.

As a person who was considered an ‘essential worker’ in the midst of this rough wave, the song is something that is identifiable. As i survived a traumatic accident, then stayed in the trauma wing of the hospital for two months during the pandemic, i think the podcast is enlightening.

(i am just playing bass for this song; there’s also some graphics included, with some statistics/messaging.)

Coming from the Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge era, ‘You’re Gone’ is one of the original 12″s i kept (before selling a bunch of my collection to move to the west coast; Superfuzz Bigmuff was another original i kept), reminding me of how inflation has also effected record prices- whenever i bought that record, it was only $3.99.

‘You’re Gone’ also ended up being released on the 30th anniversary of Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge, so now i have both of them. The bassline is incredibly fun to play, proving once again how foundational this instrument is.

When i first heard ‘Judgement, Rage, Retribution And Thyme’ (my favorite Mudhoney song of all time, and is a solid example of how the blues also shapes/influences their sound) i thought the riff was reversed, as opposed to being played with a slide. i did play the song with a slide here, but as a tribute to my original thought i actually did play the intro backwards (with a slide), then reversed it.

This sounds nothing like the original (again, i am not a great musician), but this is my humble tribute to a great song. While there are people far superior to me in terms of playing music; i was thinking about it, and to me, the greatest tribute one can do for a band is actually getting up and playing, and being the best you can be in that moment.

(i am playing drums, bass, guitar and vocals here.)

‘Next Mass Extinction’, from an equally crucial chapter of the Mudhoney catalog, Digital Garbage; is for me, a certified headnodder. Never disappointing us with that sardonic wit, it transitions into a psychedelic instrumental jam, rounding it out with the main theme.

The general feeling one would get when listening to a majority of Mudhoney songs is hopelessness, cynicism and pessimism. Within that surface ultimately is a glimmer of optimism. This doesn’t apply to everyone but for many of us, a critique of systems is rooted in the belief that once what oppresses us is uprooted, life will be better for us all.

The band also finds joy in the small things, like dogs. And skating.

From the band’s first full-length (self-titled) album, ‘Running Loaded’ has one of my all-time favorite riffs. i fell in love with it ever since i first heard it- for all i know, it may have been the thing to inspire me to want to pick up that guitar.

But alas, i’m just playing bass here.

And finally, we have another song from My Brother The Cow… except it was on the 45 that came with the vinyl version of the album- the CD (which i also have) has an unlisted track at the end, which is the album backwards save the first two songs, which actually led me to think all those years ago that the opening song was backwards!

‘West Seattle Hardcore’ is part of a set of short songs about bicycle seats, beer and random banter from altered voices and keyboard pings. It’s the kind of thing that will leave someone scratching their head when they imagine Mudhoney to be associated with ‘grunge,’ but something like this is honestly not surprising if you follow their music. It’s also part of the pattern of the (as mentioned earlier) Reprise period specifically, where they made music as beautifully ‘unlistenable’ as possible as they could make it.

i love this band so much.

Of course, being the punk kid that i am, i had to make my cover of the song a little more literal. Mostly inspired by D.R.I. (with bands like Gorilla Biscuits and Reagan Youth for good measure- i mean, i’m from New York… what can i say), i played all the instruments and did the vocals.

i mean nothing but respect. Also, i’m not a musician, so i do what i can.

(This blog post is dedicated to Abby, the biggest Mudhoney appreciator i know- besides myself)

Metallica Fridays (no. 34): A(nother) Challenge A Day…

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It has been SIX MONTHS since i last posted here, which has been interesting, since this has been a major vehicle for me to deal with a lot of my fears and anxieties. Amid this break from posting i experienced massive bouts of depression (at one point calling the 988 hotline), ended up getting covid (and was out for a month), and saw Metallica a few times (and meeting all of the members, which was all a series of surprises). i did play drums a couple of times during the break from posting, but it was just a few minutes, just to let them know i didn’t forget about them. i’ve also been writing music, but it’s mostly been recording some guitar parts from a mini Epiphone Les Paul into a phone, and banging drum ideas on a desk.

It was such a release to sit and actually play and record SOMETHING. Playing drums is definitely my ‘happy place’.

To commemorate the cessation from such a long break, i figured i would do something i always do when introducing a new chapter- play ‘Blackened’, my favorite ever Metallica song of all time. ‘Blackened’ was the first Metallica song i ever learned on drums- first on the Octopad, then on the Alesis Surge set… and now on this post, i am playing them on the TAMAs. There’s some clear things i’ve kept over the years, but it’s fascinating to see how my playing evolved on the song. Whether or not i got better at it, that’s a different discussion.

One of the things i said i would do is challenge myself on learning a Metallica riff a day on guitar, even if it’s not perfect. It actually started off good for a while- i even learned the intro to ‘One’ (my second favorite song of all time) among other songs. i ended up getting distracted by life (which included a major depression episode), so i fell off with the challenges. ‘Blackened’ was one of those songs that seemed daunting to me; even though i play guitar (more as an accent than anything, as well as writing music), i am not that good at it. i can’t do bends, trills and the like. Tabs absolutely confuse me.

The layering that happens in that beautiful intro absolutely scared me, so i would gaze with wonder at anyone else covering it. But one day a person named Ryan (who i know through the Metal Up Your Podcast circle) played it, and it greatly inspired me to challenge myself to play it, even if it’s not as great as he , or many others have played it.

Especially James Hetfield. i will never be on the level of that guy, in terms of playing. There’s so many things going on rhythmically and harmonically in Metallica songs, it’s scary for someone like me to even attempt to mangle them. That said, you never know how things are gonna go until you try, right?

i messed around on the mini Les Paul to get a feel of things, and even though it (obviously) wasn’t perfect, i was happy to say i accomplished a semblance of the intro (for someone who’s not good at guitar), despite it not having a lot of the flourishes the intro is known to have. It, at the very least, sounded relatively audible.

In introducing this new chapter to the book of the ever-evolving ‘Blackened’ journey, i figured i would also include the riff challenge as an addendum of sorts. Is it perfect? Of course not. Nothing i do will ever be. The most important thing with art is to just do it. It has been interesting to see, even with this intro, that even though everyone’s reading of it stays relatively the same, it’s clear people hear different things when they hear the song (or based on their ability); as sometimes you hear a different note in one place you don’t hear in someone else’s rendition.

The version i did, interestingly, ended up sounding similar to something The Residents might do… It actually makes me think of something akin to DEVO’s ‘Corporate Anthem’. i played the intro all on guitar (and bass, which is ironic i suppose because …Justice), but the song ended up sounding somewhat horn-like, which actually amuses me. The primary instruments were an LTD black Snakebyte (whose name is Phyllis; her brother’s name is Jerome; you can see them both in the accompanying photos to the song); a Tanglewood Blackbird acoustic, and a Squire 60s Vibe Jazz bass.

i think i might actually practice this one on the keys sometime.

jesse came to say hello to me in the middle of recording drums, and in response decided to film this greeting:

In terms of the actual song, there were a few times i messed up, as well as a few times the mic did not pick up the crash cymbal; i didn’t focus so much on fine-tuning any technical aspects so much here- i was just so incredibly happy to be sitting in front of the drums and playing them. ‘Blackened’ was the musical starting point for me in being inspired to do these Fridays posts; hopefully, the way i play it, and drums in general, will evolve, and get better.

Metallica Fridays (no. 33): Meeting My Fears (no. 8,375)

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i once had a tattoo on my left leg that said ‘no fear’, surrounded by balloons.

About 19 years ago i was riding my bicycle (of course), and i had my neck cut by some kite string with balloons attached to it. If you’ve heard any of the stories that came out within the past year about people being injured (or worse) by random kite strings, then you know that kite string is no joke. i am grateful to have survived. As a result, i developed a fear of balloons.

i wanted to lose this fear, and the tattoo was a reminder of encouraging me to do so. As a result of my legs being messed up from being hit by a truck (which i am extremely grateful to have survived as well) i lost this tattoo. Coincidentally (or not) i began developing a whole other heap of fears. While it may be true that fear is simply representative of False Evidence Appearing Real; but suddenly becoming an amputee will probably do that to you on some level.

So now i have to start over and find my voice again.

As i’ve mentioned various times, Metallica has been a major soundtrack in this journey of starting over. The context of their music is quite different now, as a nearing 50 disabled adult whose life experience has now shifted, versus a young kid who was much more mobile with two legs. While my brain struggles to process various things (due to the accident i suppose), my brain is still functioning with dozens and dozens of thoughts and ideas all at once, and it’s frustrating that i can’t get them all out. i usually have something nearby where i can record my ideas (whether it’s paper or a recording device)- and a lot of times those ideas happen when i don’t have access to something, like i’m in the bathroom/shower, or if i’m in bed and don’t feel like getting up to get said things to record on.

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This 72 Seasons album has been incredibly helpful in terms of helping me access some of this creativity. It’s also been helpful in acknowledging that i still have a few fears i was unaware were still around.

This may be a pretty common fear- and it may sound strange to some folks that it’s one i have, given the amount of things i do on here- but one of the fears i do have is a fear of truly accessing my own creativity. i am not a great musician or singer, and i don’t particularly like the sound of my own voice; however, i love creating, so i do it. Creating is a means of survival. i create, but i’m always seeing something in it that makes me recoil, like i played a note weird, or that i’m not good enough.

And suddenly, the universe brings a wonderful song to us called ‘Room Of Mirrors’, the penultimate track on 72 Seasons. To me, ‘Room Of Mirrors’ works similar to ‘Purify’ (the penultimate track on the wonderful St. Anger), in that they both describe the process of truly opening yourself to be vulnerable to others, and breaking down every cell, every atom. To truly open yourself to others is one of the most difficult things to do. Even the most encouraging words sometimes sound like a criticism, either due to painful experiences that have shaped your life, or the voices inside your head telling you ‘no’.

In a mirrored room
Talking to myself
And the voices pushing back
I’ll let them inside my heart
But they’ll tear it all apart

In a mirrored room
Just a simple man
Naked, broken, beat, and scarred
What do I really know?
That fear of letting go

Letting go is scary. Your thoughts are going 250 miles a minute, and you write and record all of these ideas when you can (to the point where it’s even difficult to remember where you put them). You are blanketed by all of these ideas, but to actually put them out into the world is taking that blanket off, leaving you cold. But you need to get up and jog through the forest of your brain to keep warm.

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…And so it began, where we were sitting in the theater listening to the tracks of the album, in the global premiere. There were already songs i was familiar with (due to them being released as singles previously). With the new songs, i closed my eyes for much of it, and just took in the music. Not only is every single song a lyrical deep exploration (charting some of James Hetfield’s best), but so many of the songs are dripping in rich harmony… especially a song like ‘Room Of Mirrors’. As i sat in the theater, my brain immediately went there, with both James’ vocal melodies, as well as the guitars.

Over the course of this week i was messing around on the guitar, practicing one half of the guitarmony on the bridge of ‘Room Of Mirrors’, and a cover began to develop. As i mentioned earlier, i’m not the greatest musician, so a lot of times when i cover a song i do it either from memory, or inspired from portions of the source. i can only play to my own limitations, so i’m not going to play a song similar in style to Metallica, as i’m not great at palm muting, barre chords, pinch harmonics… or even guitar in general.

The foundation of this cover was actually the vocals. After i did those, i did drums, then bass, then guitars. The original song reminded me a bit of Bad Religion (one of my favorite punk bands of all time), which may be what truly endeared me to the song (beside its wonderful lyrics). When i began developing the cover, i kind of heard a ska punk rhythm in my head, mixed with the B52s. i cannot tell you why. i also am horrible at soloing, so i didn’t even attempt to for this song. The song stays pretty much in the solid ‘pop punk’ (?) realm, i guess, with some vocal harmonies- again, which i’m not great at. But…

…i am doing my best to face my fears. i am holding that mirror up to what scares me. That said, i am a survivor of things more scary than my terrible vocals.

Metallica Fridays (no. 27): Happy Anniversary…

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Metallica were babies when they released their first two albums, Kill ‘Em All (July 25) and Ride The Lightning (July 27) respectively. And now as they’ve grown to be elders, they can look back at the much-cherished work they created and produced 39 and 38 years ago. In figuring out what to do for this post to commemorate this occasion, i realized i covered most of the songs off the albums. After this post, i will only have two songs left from KEA, and no songs left from Lightning.

i’m laughing listening to KEA though, because after 30 years of listening to that album, i didn’t notice all the dope things Cliff Burton was doing on bass until much, much later. The bass tends to be low in the mix with this band (one of the biggest critiques i have about the earlier albums), but if you listen carefully, he is doing these amazing runs and trills and counter-rhythms. There’s a reason the dude had his own song on their first album (‘Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth’))- one of the few times a bassist is highlighted in a metal band. You think he’s playing with the rhythm guitar, but he’s off doing something else.

‘No Remorse’ (from KEA) is a perfect example of this. You need a really good system or headphones to really hear what Cliff is doing. The intro riff one of my top 3 on that whole album; they write so many riffs they just stick them in random spots, making the song a little more interesting. Any performances they do of the song in more recent years, they take out that whole bridge, which is a part i love. The song also has the beloved (at least by me) rhythmic illusion. i can’t be the only one who counts differently when the verse riff initially comes in.

i also always have to laugh because in the final verse, Hetfield sings “We are ready to kill all comers,” but it always gets misheard as “all drummers.” i messed up a bit here, but what is life if you don’t make mistakes once in a while?

i wanted to switch it up a bit for the final song on KEA, ‘Metal Militia’. Instead of following along with the thrash original, i decided to make it swing a bit. Does that make the song less metal? Perhaps.

Or perhaps the song is now more metal. Hmmmmmmmm…

This next song, i have been avoiding. It was the final song left from Ride The Lightning, so i figured the best way to do it was to not be on camera.

As i was creating the base for ‘Fade To Black’ (which was drums), i omitted vocals so i would be able to get through the song. i played as much to the song as possible, but it was the only thing i did that relatively ‘matched’ the song. Even without the vocals you could still hear some bleedthrough (as well as my own head singing the song), so it took everything out of me not to break down. The more i worked on the song i did leave the vocals in, but i ended tuning them out just so i could, again, get through the song.

i took musical cues (obviously), but like most of these covers i do from scratch, they end up sounding not very much like the original…. because i know how to play to my limitations. i know what lane i can go in musically, while at the same time doing my best to honor the original- which is what i hope i’ve done, and continue to do.

The song (which originally was said to be about getting some instruments stolen) has taken a life (if you can say that) of its own. James Hetfield is now describing the song in recent times as being about ending one’s life; he’s also been regularly announcing that those who are struggling in whatever way are not alone, and to please find someone to speak to. The first time i can recall him speaking to not being alone was at the 40th anniversary shows in 2021. i was taken aback (and figured, as i mentioned at the time) that there were a few things he said at the shows that seemed to indicate he was going through something. When he announced this year on stage in Brazil about his mental health struggles, i figured my hunch was correct.

What he said at the 40th Anniversary show didn’t hit me until the next day, and i kept a lot of my thoughts inside until i couldn’t anymore. And i cried rivers.

As a person who has on several occasions attempted to end my life; as a person who struggles every day with depression, the song is extremely difficult for me to listen to. The lyrics speak succinctly about the very feelings i had when i’ve made attempts, and even when i’ve thought about doing it. Many days are better than others, and some days i just don’t feel like even getting out of bed. Even though i’ve learned to like myself at the age of 39 (and love myself at the age of 42), i still ask myself some days (as i am about to be 46) if it’s all worth it. i do live with survivor’s guilt (as a person who almost died but survived an accident that forever altered my body); i feel like people see me as better than i actually feel about myself, when it comes to some things. i found out ways i can manage all of these complex feelings and experiences, but none of it is easy.

One thing that really does help is playing and creating music. i really do hope anyone who reads these posts and listens understands the respect i aim and hope to give these beautiful songs that have meant so much to me.

(All instruments- drums, guitar, bass and keys are by me, except for lead solo (Hammett- one of his greatest) and vocals (Hetfield))

Metallica Fridays (but today it’s Monday) (no. 26): The Ktulu Trio

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It has been some week… i was pretty wiped out from getting a booster (which will be helpful since i’m actually going to see Metallica next month- Wheeeeeeeeee); i also was pretty busy with meetings and organizing work, where i wasn’t able to get a post in. Also… My brain since the accident randomly decides to shut down, and there’s points where i don’t seem able to do things in effective ways. It’s also much more difficult to understand, for example, group chats, in the way i used to be able to. i am wondering if this is a latent effect of a concussion.

So of course, there are times when i’m playing instruments, and i will get really extreme brain farts, despite me playing the same part a minute prior. Playing music and writing have been really helpful for my brain’s activity. Thinking about all of this sometimes gives me massive depression; i am definitely grateful to the universe that i am still able to process things as much as i can, and that i didn’t suffer as much damage to my brain as i could have.

That said, we are still here, and i guess there will be two ‘Metallica Fridays’ posts this week. Given that i hadn’t done any songs from the ‘Ktulu’ series yet, i figured i’d just put them all together.

Though i am aware of the legend of Cthulhu (primarily from Metallica, as well as some friends who were fond of the writings of H.P. Lovecraft), i always avoided any writings because of the author’s massively racist history, which friends of mine who enjoyed his writings struggled with (he infamously called a cat friend of his a certain racial epithet). While his views (very) slightly shifted towards the end of his life after the nazi rise to power (as well as whatever KKK fallout occurred at that time); looking into it though, his politics were still massively problematic. In the latter part of his life (the dude died in 1937), he still held massively anti-African and anti-Jewish beliefs. In a letter to Catherine Lucille Moore (dated 1936), he still believed in the concept of “biological inferiority” and the “sub species”. i know that many people tend to separate the art from the artist, regardless of how problematic the artist is. i listen to lots of music where the artists don’t necessarily share the same ideological framework as i do… however, there is a fine line i do have, when it comes to art, and racism is one of them.

Despite the fact that Lovecraft died believing in the pseudo-science of racial superiority on some level; the songs Metallica got out of his writings are quite good, so i guess i will stick with that. Just to make this easier, we will go chronologically.

‘The Call Of Ktulu’ is the first in the series, the final song hailing from 1984’s Ride The Lightning. As usual, i had a particular idea how i wanted to do this song, and it ended up as a whole different thing. Also as usual, the drum was the skeleton for the rest of the song. The keys came next, then bass, then guitar. i play guitar, but i am in no way, shape or form a guitarist… But i won’t say i’m a bassist or keyboardist either! Am i a drummer though? That’s up to you to answer.

i didn’t listen to the song at all while crafting this cover- so while the theme is obviously similar, it has a different feel. i’ve heard the song enough times to know how it goes, heh heh… It is always interesting to create something from memory, from scratch.

(Drums, keys, guitar and bass are all by me. The intro is by nature.)

‘The Thing That Should Not Be’ (from 1986’s Master Of Puppets) is the PERFECT Lars Ulrich song, and i took advantage of that. While he certainly is notorious for doing fills all over the place, i honestly don’t think he does as many as people joke about- at least not on record. The China cymbal is another story…

i honestly love his style (as most people who read this site know), and he is a major inspiration for what i do. His style is often imitated, but never duplicated. Really, NO ONE drums like the guy. That said, ‘Thing’ is fill city, for sure (just as songs like ‘Wherever I May Roam’ are). So of course i took that opportunity to just visit and chill in fill city. and even so, i still probably didn’t do as many fills as Lars. ‘Thing’ is a great Cliff Notes (no pun intended) edition of the Cthulhu/Ktulu legend. Metallica, as i keep saying, can write dope songs in their sleep.

‘Dream No More’ (from 2016’s Hardwired… To Self Destruct) is my absolute favorite of the ‘Ktulu’ trio. It is also my 24th favorite Metallica song of all time. The song is massively slept on, and goes hard. As the album is more of a nod to their NWOBHM roots, ‘Dream’ has got a Sabbath influence all over it. The pre-chorus riff, as well as the intro/bridge/almost end riff are among my favorites in their whole catalog. i mean, this whole song is filled with excellent riffs thoughout.

If i could only write a riff this good…

Interestingly, my primary influence for drumming this song is not Lars, but Stevie Wonder.

This One’s For The Grrrls…

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i was sitting around thinking one day (when does that NOT happen, right?) about the numbers of women who inspired me- the multi-instrumentalists, the composers, arrangers… The women who rejected the notions of what they should do, and how to be. The ones who laid the foundation for not only me, but all the kids who today and yesterday who have been marginalized (by gender, class or culture).

i wanted to make a post honoring these women, but it was difficult to know where to start. Do i start with Betty Davis? Phyllis Hyman? Teena Marie? Alice Coltrane? LaBelle? Chaka Khan? Marlena Shaw? Randy Crawford? Angela Bofill? Rachelle Ferrell? Memphis Minnie? Do i go with Mother’s Finest? Silverfish? DQE? ESG? Skunk Anansie? To make it a little easier i narrowed it down to all-women bands. And still, that’s not easy… because you have everything from Girlschool to Fanny to The Runaways to Big Joanie to Cub to the 5,6,7,8s to L7 to the Bangles to The Go-Gos to Luscious Jackson to The Raincoats to The Slits to (two of my favorite current bands, Voice Of Baceprot and The Warning)… you get the picture.

So i narrowed it down a bit more… and it ended up developing into creating a longer post then usual.

i think i’ll start with ‘Catnip Dream’ by Shonen Knife, because cats are the GREATEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. They have other cat songs as well, ‘I Am A Cat’ and ‘Like A Cat’. If you make a number of songs about cats, i automatically like you.

(And of course, my hat is actually applicable here.)

Slant 6 was one of my favorite bands from the ’90s. They were only around for three or four years. In those years i saw them live about 2 or 3 times, and even interviewed them for a fanzine i was doing at the time.

To me, ‘Don’t You Ever’ (from Soda Pop * Rip Off) is one of the greatest album openers. i am just playing drums here. ‘Semi-Blue Tile’ was the b-side of the ‘What Kind Of Monster Are You’ 7″. For this song, Christina Billotte’s vocals remain, but i play bass, drums and guitar.

The Lunachicks was one of the funnest shows i have ever seen… and they made a love song to Mabel King. Perhaps the ONLY love song to Mabel King!

It was interesting to edit and look back on this series of videos, because i tend to forget about being covered neck to foot in tattoos (despite seeing them every day). i don’t wear shorts a lot (outside of the time i’m practicing with the prosthetic), so it was funny to see my leg bouncing up and down with the kick drum, with all the visual tattoos and scars. i also forgot the shirt i was wearing has a hole, so you can see a peek of my rib piece (if you look close enough- of course, that rib piece has to do with cats). Outside of forgetting my own canvas, i absolutely love and am obsessed with people who are covered- especially women. So seeing the Lunachicks makes me very happy.

i’m playing drums to the title track to the album Jerk Of All Trades. This song goes after my heart, because i’ve had to punch a few dudes for touching me without my consent.

Speaking of never underestimating a woman… Klymaxx wants to inform you to never underestimate our power.

Before they gained popularity with songs like ‘The Men All Pause’, ‘Meeting In The Ladies Room’, ‘I Miss You’ and ‘Divas Need Love Too’, they were more of funk band. Solar Records had some gems, for sure. Before i was a burgeoning punk kid, Klymaxx was the first all-women band i recall being familiar with, by name. Maybe even before the Bangles and the Go-Gos.

i am playing to the title track of the album, Never Underestimate The Power Of A Woman. i know my drumming isn’t as funky or in the pocket as Bernadette Cooper (who co-wrote the song), but i obviously aim to be respectful.

Another band i have seen live (and if you’ve ever seen them you will not forget it) is Tribe 8. A few of the members currently identify as trans; however i still am posting one of their songs because during the existence of Tribe 8 they all did identify as women (and if i am wrong about that, i apologize). Tribe 8 had no qualms about pointing out the intersections of oppression (i think having band members comprise of Indigenous, African and Asian folks helps), and they were unapologetic in their queerness. Also, they are incredibly cool people. At least they were when i met them.

The song i am playing to here, ‘Republican Lullaby’, speaks to the pro-militarism, jingoism, xenophobia, disinformation campaigns and racism/white supremacy permeating the republican party (in the u.s.); i would argue though, that these lyrics should extend to democrats as well. If you pay attention close enough to the policies (and not these low hanging fruit issues they want you to focus on) you will find little difference between the two.

One of the most well-known groups coming out of the Riot Grrrl movement was Bratmobile. They were a band who used humor to relay messages around sexual violence, racism, and more. i ended up forming a pen pal/friendly relationship with guitarist Erin Smith (who was living in Maryland, if i’m not mistaken). Whenever they came to town i would see her, and hang out a bit.

Bratmobile remind me a bit of the Misfits- tonally, not visually. They actually did cover ‘Where Eagles Dare’, so i may not be too far off. Here, i play to ‘Brat Girl’, which was probably an anthem for many a punk girl (or boy, or agender person) who got groped at a show, or taken advantage of in other ways. There’s no bassist in the most well-known incarnation of the band, so i decided to experiment with what that would sound like here (as well as (obviously) play drums).

And finally, i decided to play one of my own songs- a song i haven’t played since i was about 17 or 18 years old. In fact, it’s a song you can hear in the very first post i made for this site.

As mentioned in that post, i was in a band called The Girlymen. It was the first band i was ever in, with Mayumi (drums), and Abby (bass). i honestly have no idea what most of the lyrics are to this song (save for the title: ‘Chock Full Of Crap’), so i kept Abby’s original vocals, and just played guitar, bass and drums. i need to see if SHE remembers!

And yeah, i am using a China cymbal. Oh no… i really AM turning into Lars!

It always comes back to that, don’t it? Hee hee…

Metallica Fridays (no. 15): Letter To Lars?

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So much has happened since the last post: i finally received a vinyl copy of Kirk’s excellent Portals EP, as well as restringing Jerome with some new Hetfield strings. They are some heavy gauged strings (11, 14, 18p, 28, 38 and 50)!!! The average gauges on the lightest strings are 9s or 10s, and the heaviest ones on average tend to be 46s. I did some restringing and a bit of playing before i went to rehab, and they didn’t seem that bad; perhaps it’s because i play a lot of bass? When i play around a bit more, i may be telling a different story… One thing i can say is that they sounded nice and crisp. i love that new string sound. Also being used to lighter strings, when i went to tune Jerome, i found out i ended up initially tuning way too sharp. These strings are hardcore.

But alas, we are here again with another ‘Metallica Fridays’ post. And there is always a song (or two or three) that speak to me enough for me to highlight it.

And as usual, i gotta pay respects to Lars. You can find me talking about him all throughout these posts, so i won’t go too far into it here. i will keep saying though: For anyone to sit and listen… i mean actually sit and listen, and say that Lars is a bad drummer, i will never understand. i am learning these songs in a whole different way as a player, versus the act of passively listening. If this band were to have ever, in any point in time, gotten a more technical drummer, it would be a whole different band. This actually happened in 2004 (at the Download Festival (aka Donnington), when Lars was briefly hospitalized. In his place were Dave Lombardo (one of the greatest drummers of all time), Joey Jordinson (who i was not that familiar with, but the little i saw of him, i saw that he was an excellent drummer), and Lars’ drum tech, Flemming Larsen. It was amazing to hear them play with Metallica at extremely short notice. They knew their stuff- and i love that Lombardo was about to play the bridge (album version) of ‘Battery’! However, the vibe was entirely different. it wasn’t bad… it was just missing… Lars.

i keep thinking about how Lars sees different rhythms in his brain, from whatever riffs Rob, Kirk and James present. People ask how he’s credited with writing songs, despite him not writing the riffs. The dude has a major hand in arranging where those riffs go, so a songwriting credit is absolutely proper. i wonder how many of his fills are experimentation during the recording process, versus actual construction. i always wonder why he chooses to hit the crash at a specific place you would never think to put it.

For example, the opening cymbal hits in ‘Hell And Back’ (from the great Beyond Magnetic). The opening hits seem so counterintuitive in a way. But they work. They totally work.

i absolutely love this song. They only played it 16 times, during May, June and August of 2012. While (again) it’s always stated that Metallica lyrics can be interpreted in various ways (with very clear exceptions), ‘Hell And Back’ to me is a very clear reading of someone experiencing addiction. You understand the negative implications of the addiction (or dependency); however, the familiarity is comforting, and… dependable. Be it food, sex, alcohol, narcotics… the struggle is real.

i will say though, when i first heard the song i thought James was singing “she’s rachet but she comforts me…” as opposed to wretched. i was like, ‘whatchoo know about rachet, Papa Het??!!’

If they pulled this one out at the 40th i would have screamed. Interestingly (and sadly), they did NO songs from Beyond Magnetic at the 40th.

…And we return to the source. The first Metallica song i ever learned/played on the drums.

‘Blackened’. Why would this be the FIRST song to learn… one of the most difficult in terms of timing, for a person who hadn’t regularly played the drums in over 20 years, and never previously played a Metallica song? Because it’s my favorite song of theirs.

This time though, it’s a live version… the infamous ‘Seattle ’89’ version. i would always try to play it and could never get it (because it was so much faster than the album version, and of course there’s no click track so the timing isn’t straight). It’s also a song i haven’t played in a couple of months i think, so i always want to return to it, because it’s ultimately a barometer for how i am doing in terms of my progress. i still mess up in a spot or two, but it’s WAY better than it was even a couple of months ago. So there’s that.

And now…

i will continue to admit i was wrong, when it comes to Some Kind Of Monster, the 2004 documentary charting not only the recording process of St. Anger, but the band’s struggle to just hold it together. i had no idea what to expect when i saw it in the theater back then, but i absolutely hated it. Like many (who loved and/or appreciated the band at the time) i couldn’t understand why a bunch of dudes in a band would sit and film themselves arguing. i was 27 or 28 years old then. Of course, 18 years later (and having lived a much more eventful life) i understood exactly why they did it, and i’ve come to appreciate the film for the brilliance it is. it’s become one of my favorite films of all time.

i was going back, listening to older episodes of Metal Up Your Podcast (the great podcast that extensively discusses Metallica), and they were discussing the root of the experiences had in the film- (bassist) Jason Newsted’s departure. i then felt inspired to recreate one of my favorite scenes in the film. i know that people tend to look at it as a meme; however, i see it as an examination of a mental downward spiral. Music (and being in a band) was such a crutch for these individuals that they seemingly never really built a relationship outside of that.

The film showed how important therapy actually is.

People were saying that Lars was pretending to be upset by Jason’s departure. i saw it as disbelief. He seemed on the verge of tears- which is how i kind played the scene. To me, Lars’ face was saying one thing, but his voice was saying another.

i acted out the scene, sent it to a few people then realized it needed some music. i kept listening to the words, and played drums around that. Then played guitar and bass around the drums. i wanted the music to capture some level of that downward spiral. After that was done i wanted to see what it was like if the words were said in anger, as opposed to shock or disbelief. With that, i ended up filming another scene, then made a side by side video. It’s interesting to see the two emotions together.

Jason was the bird who could not be caged, and he was ultimately right in leaving. i consider him to be a major teacher for the band, because he was a catalyst for them to do some major self-criticism. That said, i really did want to give Lars a hug in that scene. Jason was correct in leaving, but you could see that Lars was truly hurt by it.

i love that they are all on amicable terms now.

(This song is dedicated to Clint and Ethan, the hosts of Metal Up Your Podcast.)

And herein lies my 50th letter of appreciation to Lars. Thanks for so many classic moments, duder.