BAD RELIGION (part 2): A TRIBUTE TO ALL THE ALBUMS!!!

i have never been a good singer, but i have always loved doing it. 

Ever since i was a child, music was always in my system. i wrote my first song when i was 8 years old, and not too soon after that i was co-creating songs with my sister (who was a far better singer than i). The more i began to write and listen to music, the more i became attracted to harmonies and background singing, to the point i thought i wanted to do it professionally… even though i know i would never be hired. 

i loved harmonies almost as much as i loved the drums. No matter the song or genre there was always, as the Buzzcocks song states, a harmony in my head (i will not let the irony slip that there’s a certain (popular) Bad Religion song with an uncannily similar bridge/middle 8 riff). It got to the point sometimes where i’d tune out the lead parts. 

When Bad Religion came into my life as a teenager, it felt like a wonderland. Despite being an angry punk kid (screaming and ‘singing’ in punk and indie bands), and even as i agree with the sentiment that punk is a type of folk music; i’ve never been an aggressive singer. My vocals would probably fall more in line with a more ‘traditional’ folk sensibility. i always wished i could scream like the greatest hardcore singers, or sing as smooth or effortlessly as Luther Vandross or Phyllis Hyman, but the universe did not deal me that hand. i’m not sure exactly what the universe gave me, but i deal with my limitations in the best ways i can. Like everything else in life. 
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Greg Graffin was the first person whose vocals i ever fell in love with (The second person is Mahmoud Ahmed). There are plenty of singers whom i’ve loved (and continue to love) over the years; however, it wasn’t a particular Bad Religion album, but their performance at the Olympic Auditorium in 1984 (which was the Flipside fanzine-released concert that i had a copy of on VHS as a teenager) that grabbed the depths of my heart. It was like, you could be a punk kid and not have to scream. Graffin’s vocals subsequently improved (obviously), but there was something in his vocals on that video that grabbed me- the occasional vibrato, or the penchant for utilizing harmony as a lead voice. There was the simultaneous roughness and vocal fry, with the warmth and musicality not common among his peers. i loved the songs (which is why i got the tape), but i was primarily fixated on the vocals- which is a rare occurrence for me, as i am more of a lyrics person than anything else. 

Besides James Hetfield, Graffin is my favorite rock singer, if you can call him that. As a teenager i wasn’t aware of his choir training (or his other musical interests) as a youth, but in retrospect it’s easy to see the approach he utilizes as a vocalist stems from some of that training. When talking about range and dynamics, there tends to be a greater focus on belters or screamers. Very few people i’ve seen cover BR’s songs (including myself) don’t particularly have the range he has. 
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In terms of figuring out what songs to do for this post… i couldn’t. It was too difficult. They have too many songs i love, so i decided to pay respect to their whole catalog: yes, including Into The Unknown, an album i absolutely adore. i do not care what Brett Gurewitz or anyone else says- this album is among the top 3 of my favorite BR albums. Not only was it (at least to me) an incredibly sincere response to the increasing violence and machismo in the punk scene, but it also symbolized a lot of what musically inspired them, even if those inspirations were not apparent on their first EP and album (Bad Religion and How Can Hell Be Any Worse?, respectively). The band should not be ashamed at all of that album. The rough production belied the great work that it actually is. It also birthed the trajectory of where the band’s harmonic sensibilities lie. 

If the band’s albums collectively sounded consistently like the first one; as much as i love that album, Bad Religion certainly would not be one of my all-time favorite bands. They certainly do have a dependable formula which has contributed to their success (not unlike the Ramones or AC/DC); but as much as they’ve collectively derided the album over the years (Gurewitz in particular), it is the experience of Into The Unknown that led them to the path they decided to trudge, for better or worse. It is possibly with this understanding that they’ve played select songs from the album in more recent years (including a surprise 2021 performance). 

Yes, i do have an original copy of this album, and i am very happy. It is an amazing album and no one can tell me otherwise.

While i love the band’s whole catalog (including the (again) second album, as well as all of the Atlantic Records period), i had to be a bit scientific in terms of what songs i chose. i combed through the catalog with the understanding that i could probably sing harmonies to every single one of these songs, but would i be able to sing the lead? What significance or impact do these particular songs have in my life, enough for me to want to do them? Could i make them the least bit interesting? 

Like the last post, i decided to arrange many of the songs in F#m (F sharp minor), which was not that easy of a task, especially when utilizing the higher ranges of my voice. The only thing i can say is that i hope i was respectful. 

The songs chosen for this medley were:

  1. Anxiety (No Control)
  2. Generator (Generator)
  3. The Voracious March Of Godliness (No Substance)
  4. Time And Disregard (Part III) (Into The Unknown– My favorite song on the album)
  5. Million Days (Into The Unknown)
  6. Only Entertainment (Generator)
  7. The Handshake (Stranger Than Fiction)
  8. What It Is (Stranger Than Fiction)
  9. Pride And The Pallor (The Dissent Of Man)
  10. Individual (Stranger Than Fiction)
  11. God’s Love (The Empire Strikes First)
  12. Recipe For Hate (Recipe For Hate)
  13. The Profane Rights Of Man (The Age Of Unreason)
  14. Pessimistic Lines (Suffer)
  15. Inner Logic (Stranger Than Fiction– This album is probably also in the top 3 of my favorite BR albums, i seem to have done a lot of songs here)
  16. Part II (The Numbers Game) (Suffer)
  17. Kyoto Now! (The Process Of Belief– a top 5 BR song for me)
  18. Don’t Sell Me Short (The New America– This is in the top 3 of my favorite BR songs)
  19. Get Off (Against The Grain)
  20. Nobody Listens (The Gray Race)
  21. Nothing To Dismay (True North)
  22. Old Regime (The Age Of Unreason)
  23. Vanity (True North)
  24. 52 Seconds (New Maps Of Hell)

After i compiled the songs and put them in the order i was going to do them, i played drums as a skeleton for the medley (versus the other post, where i did the vocals first). The medley consists of just me playing drums, and doing a bunch of vocals (i’m not as great of a singer as Greg Graffin, but i hope it’s again, respectful to the band and their wonderful albums).

If you are an appreciator of Bad Religion, you perhaps noticed that the medley above contained every album except for the first- and you would be correct, because i decided to do full band covers of a couple of songs.

My favorite song from How Can Hell Be Any Worse? is actually ‘In The Night’, but for this post i decided to cover the classic ‘We’re Only Gonna Die’ (or its alternately named full title, ‘We’re Only Gonna Die (From Our Own Arrogance)’. For some reason i decided to make it extremely fast, so given i’m not that great at guitar as it is, i wasn’t even going to attempt to play it here. Instead, i just layered the track with two basses- one doing ‘regular’ bass duties, and the other plugged into a Big Muff. It also wouldn’t be a proper Bad Religion cover without a tribute to Graffin’s random pointing. i probably didn’t point enough, to be honest. i’m horrible.

(A lot of people talk about the Sublime cover of this song being the quintessential one. i disagree (homeboy)- the best rendition of this song (outside of the original) is the Biohazard cover… and not even that touches the original. Ironically, i played it as fast as the Sublime version.)

We shall round out this post with another top 3 song (and a fan/appreciator favorite), ‘Along The Way’. Considering this song to be “as close as (he) ever got to being religious,” Graffin wrote the lyrics in memory of his dear friend Tommy George. The song is up there with ‘Maureen’, my favorite Sade song. Both songs are simple, yet effective.

Both songs are close to my heart, and remind me of one of my closest friends, Barry Hampton, who physically transitioned in February of 2011. He was my rock in the midst of turbulence. i miss our late night conversations, and his moving through the world with an absence of fear. It’s difficult to develop solid/substantial friendships in this day and age (especially being an amputee), so i cherish every moment. After i recorded the song i said to myself, ‘i should have replaced ‘Tommy’ with ‘Barry”; the sentiment is still the same. 

i also kept things to the double-layered bass, drums and vocals, but the Gibson 2019 SG tribute makes the briefest of appearances. i am in no way, shape or form Greg Hetson, so i’m not even going to attempt doing a Hetson-level solo. That said, i wanted to add a tiny bit of something, even if it’s not a mindblowing solo. And besides, it’s a BR cover; and putting the SG somewhere makes sense. 

This post is dedicated to Derek and Andreas- i hope i did alright.

And your name here. Of course.

BAD RELIGION (in F#m)!!!

“We made a conscious decision, that in fusing our songs with these kinds of… to some people erudite;but I’d say higher consciousness, kinda nerdy type topics… was a way of stimulating conversation outside of the music venue. As I went on in my academic career I did that in science and in lecturing and places like that. And it gives me just as big a thrill to hear about these kids who come up to us all the time and say, you know, ‘I’m studying biology now because of a song that you wrote’, or ‘I’m gonna be a philosopher because of the song that you wrote.'”

Greg Graffin, 2013

Anyone reading this blog regularly knows that Bad Religion is one of my all-time favorite bands; i’ve actually covered them a couple of times (here and here). There are a few of the band’s positions i don’t particularly agree with (for starters, i am politically quite a bit more to the left than its members (if you can believe that); also, i am neither an atheist nor agnostic).  That said, while i believe a spiritual or religious practice is something that can be helpful or provide structure to one’s life, i also hold the belief that a secular society devoid of the toxic dogmatism that exists in some circles is a far more progressive and humanistic society. i am an advocate for science. Additionally, i do not hold the belief that evolution and nature (or even a belief in God (or a higher being)) are mutually exclusive. Even if one holds steadfast in a religious practice, asking constant questions should be crucial in that practice. 

The problem is that whether political, ideological or religious, some of the staunchest ‘believers’ refuse to ask questions. This is the ultimate proclamation of the band. Not all members of Bad Religion are even staunch atheists- there exists a spectrum of relative belief and non-belief in what society collectively holds as ‘God’. The statement is clear, even on their first album, How Could Hell Be Any Worse?:

It’s all right to have faith in god
But when you bend to their rules and their fucking lies
That’s when I start to have pity on you.

You’re living on a mound of dirt,
But you can’t explain your reason for existence
So you blame it on god.

So much hatred in this world and you can’t decide
Who’s pulling the strings
So you figure it’s god.

Your whole life foreshadows death
And you finally realize you don’t want to die alone
So you’ll always have god.

How we are meant to view (the specifically Christian interpretation of) God is based on individual perceptions and convenience. It is never consistent. 

While Greg Graffin exclaims he “ain’t no deist” in the song ‘Materialist’ from The Process Of Belief, there are the additional lyrics: “The process of belief is an elixir when you’re weak/
I must confess, at times I indulge it on the sneak.”

i hold pretty strong political positions. That said, while i don’t identify as a Marxist-Leninist or Stalinist i am a person who honors dialectical and historical materialism, therefore it would make little sense of me to not ask questions of even beliefs or ideologies i hold. This is how we progress in accordance to particular material conditions at any given time. Nothing about life is static. (And i do see a connection between religion/spirituality and revolution, since it is material by its very nature, despite hardcore religious folks choosing to leave that out).

Despite not being an atheist or agnostic, i think the questions the band asks (not only of themselves, but the listener) are extremely critical. One also doesn’t necessarily have to wholly agree with a band’s views to enjoy them- as long as those views are not harmful and inhumane. 

Additionally, the songs are well-crafted.
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The first BR (as they will herein and interchangeably be called) album i ever heard was No Control, and i immediately fell in love. The album was released one day before i turned 13, but of course, i heard it a few years later at the age of 15 or 16. i was an angry young punk kid back then, but i’ve always had an incredibly soft spot for harmonies, and always sang them to songs that didn’t have them. i used to also watch the Flipside-released concert a lot, where they did many of the songs from both their first (self-titled) EP, as well as their first album. 

When Graffin, in an interview with Rolling Stone in 1994 said that “(f)olk music usually has an emphasis on the lyrics and melody. And those lyrics are usually relevant in some way. And it’s populist in scope, which is also true of Bad Religion,” this makes total sense to me. He added, “So it’s more meant to draw some parallels between the two. And I think even my voice and my delivery can be thought of as a little bit folky.”

No Control satiated my desire to have music that was both critical of society, as well as carry impressive harmonies. It also further encouraged my love of reading, and the teenage me had to constantly pick up a dictionary or thesaurus, as the lyrics educated me on new words. i played that cassette what seemed like every day, among additionally getting their other albums. Their songs lent to various subjects i was passionate about at the time (and still am)- the Earth’s destruction due to human apathy, callousness and plundering of resources; fervent right-wing religious nationalism; and of course, the refusal to ask questions of the societies we live in, and the practices we partake in. 

And the palaces now stand where the coffins all were laid,
And the times we see ahead, we must glaze with rosy hues,
For we don’t wish to admit what it is we have to lose.
Millenia incoming, the modern age is here.
It sanctifies the future, yet renders us with fear.

As i was coming to actively resist was was taught to me, Change Of Ideas was a much welcomed song in my life. 
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Graffin, the band’s co-founder, lead vocalist and primary co-writer (as well as its longest-serving member in their 43-year existence) received a Bachelor of Science from UCLA, as well as a Ph.D in zoology from Cornell University. In addition to being in a punk band, he alternates as a professor and lecturer. i was not aware of this fact when i first got into his band, but in all my years of listening to them it makes absolute sense. 

He has written university-based dissertations, as well as several books which are a reflection of his humanist/naturalist ideas. While Do What You Want reflects on the collective joys and struggles of the band; Population Wars and Anarchy Evolution emphasize the connections between community, art and science. Punk Paradox, as a memoir, leans even more on the personal and contemplative. Even as, again, i am not a ‘nonbeliever’, his writing ropes you in and takes you on a journey. As a person who is a writer and loves writing… a lot (yet still struggles with the label); as a person who is a better writer than speaker; and as a person who is attracted to particular styles of writing (including the various ways people alter traditions of language), Graffin certainly has a way with words.

How he makes a connection between a mosh pit and the punk community and evolutionary biology in chapter 7 of Anarchy is incredibly compelling. In chapter 6 of Population he recounts a story of a woman sneezing close to him on a plane, utilizing this as an example of how population wars are also an internal, biological factor. He follows this with a fascinating experience he had visiting a cathedral in Cologne, Germany: “I may not “believe,” but I can respect the human achievement involved in the building of it, especially considering that work started in 1248, centuries before the first bulldozer or high-rise crane.”

In a passage evocative of a BR lyric, he adds: “I stand next to a teenager speaking Spanish; he’s wearing cutoff shorts and a T-shirt that says “Hellfest 2013.” We are joined by a noisy gang of Americans, talking loudly about their visit to the Cathedral of the Saint John the Divine in New York last Christmas for a new-age music concert performed by Paul Winter. In fact, it seems that most of the visitors from distant lands were simply eager to marvel at the grandiosity of the building. I noticed, furthermore, that only a very small percentage of people who enter this “active place of worship” seem interested in any kind of traditional prayer or pilgrimage.”
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While all members throughout the history of the band have had a hand in co-writing a song or two, Brett Gurewitz has been the other primary songwriter, making him and Graffin, according to some, the ‘Lennon and McCartney of punk.’ While he took a leave of absence for a few years (focusing largely on running Epitaph Records (among other things)), his presence and influence has always been powerful. Gurewitz currently doesn’t tour extensively with the band but still creates with them. While Graffin’s pen game is indicative of his time and tenure as a professor (and evolutionary biologist), ‘Mr. Brett’ is no slouch when it comes to the five dollar words. His less than veiled nod to pop sensibilities and keen wit (plus slight sentimentality) are a perfect balance to Graffin’s biting sarcasm and folk influences.

The reason why Bad Religion are so effective as a musical and cultural entity/institution though, cannot simply be because of these two. Jay Bentley (who spent a bit of time in T.S.O.L.)’s effective, walking bass lines, as well as the positive energy he displays on stage and off can never be understated. Guitarists Brian Baker, Greg Hetson and Mike Dimkich (who have history in Minor Threat/Dag Nasty, Circle Jerks and the Cult respectfully- Hetson is no longer in BR) have given the band specific texture and layers that aren’t necessarily common among their peers; Jay Ziskrout, Pete Finestone, Bobby Schayer, Brooks Wackerman (whose roots are in jazz and currently plays with Avenged Sevenfold) and Jamie Miller are all important contributing factors to the drumming legacy of the band. While you can hear distinct personalities in each of them (particularly the longer-serving drummers); there is a simultaneous seamlessness that hasn’t been interrupted.

“When it comes down to it, songwriting is self-control. Most of what you spend your day doing, you have to throw away at the end of the day. It’s not good enough. You think it sounds cool, but it’s just not good enough. It’s hard work. It’s not fun. It can be torture, but when you get a song right it’s the most life-affirming thing. It’s pure elation.”

Greg Graffin

The other reason for the band’s effectiveness is because the lyrics display a significant timelessness. Despite a very thinly veiled cynicism overlooking the subject matter, there is also more than a glimmer of optimism. On The Gray Race (their second album from the Atlantic Records period), chapter 17 of Do What You Want describes Graffin stating in interviews that the album is “the band’s most emotional album.”

“Although it’s not a concept album, the title track serves as an organizing principle for the rest of the record. The gray race is the human species because we are the only species on the planet that can see things in terms other than black-and-white, e.g., fight or flight, kill or be killed, et cetera. Humans can perceive a middle ground that encompasses a wide range of emotions like love, empathy, kindness , and other altruistic impulses, i.e., the feelings that give life meaning. Despite this ability, our species continually creates systems that encourage (if not enforce) a black-and-white duality to existence that is responsible for war, sickness, starvation, and a host of other maladies that could be prevented if we worked together as a species. This album’s message is simple: either we have to create new ways of coexisting in the world or we are doomed to destroy one another.”

It is here i will mention Paul Dedona (bass) or Davy Goldman (drums)’s contributions to the much-maligned second (album) release, Into The Unknown. Synth heavy, it was an incredible departure for the band to take, after releasing a seminal, heavily lauded inaugural album. i would personally compare this to the public’s unfavorable reception upon the release of Lou Reed and Metallica’s Lulu (and St. Anger, to a degree). And just like with those two albums, i actually really like Into The Unknown. While the band has performed a couple of the songs live within the past 10 or so years, the album seems to be largely ignored in their sets, from what i can see. 

The Todd Rundgren-produced The New America is another album that tends to be lower on peoples’ BR lists- including the band, based on their not-so-positive experiences with Rundgren (who was a childhood hero of Graffin’s) among other things. Bad Religion is one of those bands where i have all of their studio albums; at this point they have 17 of them. And like with Metallica, there are some albums i connect with more than others, yet i do not dislike any of them at all.
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Although i had covered a couple of their songs on this blog (as mentioned), and even suggested that a fuller post would be done in the future; it was a conversation i had with my friend Christian (who i discovered was a lover of BR as well) that inspired the actual idea to do it sooner than later. The seed that got the conversation with him was actually my last post, where i opined that a certain section of Metallica’s ‘Spit Out The Bone’ sounded like it would be welcome as a Bad Religion song. 

In the course of struggling to figure out which songs i was going to cover, an idea began to flourish. Knowing they downtune their songs live (as many do), i recognized that more than a few of them happen to be in my favorite key of all time: F sharp minor, or F#m. 

This has been my favorite key in the whole world since a child, but i had no idea what it was called until more recently, to be honest. i cannot read music, and i would not be able to play back a note if you asked me what it was- except this one, i suppose. i also cannot play a barre chord on the guitar to save my life, and apparently an F#m is difficult to play for many guitar players, from the little research i did. 

Now that i had a premise though, i had to choose a collection of songs. Initially i was going to play either the drums or bass (as usual), but i made the decision to go all out and deconstruct the songs in my own way- primarily in F#m. This is the first post i’ve ever done on this site, where all of the songs posted are with instruments completely played by me, from the ground up. There were a few late nights/early mornings spent in the St. Anger room, where jesse poked their head in occasionally to say hello. It intrigues me (and simultaneously makes me laugh) how there’s a whole room of instruments, and jesse has no inclination to play anything in it. i’m definitely interested in seeing more information on the science of humans who have no interest in playing and/or listening to music at all. 
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The first thing i realized in the middle of the process of choosing songs is the inevitability of this being a multi-part tribute to this band. They have too many great songs. i am not an advanced (jazz-based) drummer like Brooks Wackerman; i cannot give rousing solos like Greg Hetson; and my singing and writing skills are not as solid as Greg Graffin’s. But i still wanted to do it.

Because i love this band. 

One of my favorite things about this band is the harmonies, so i wanted to honor them in this way as well. i opted for trying a ‘Golden Shower Of Hits’ (if you will) via an a capella medley: ’True North’ (True North); ‘Better Off Dead’ (Stranger Than Fiction); ‘Only Rain’ (The Dissent Of Man); ‘My Poor Friend Me’ (Recipe For Hate); and ‘Slumber’ (Stranger Than Fiction).

One thing i will say about recording vocals is that singing through random and sudden physical pain (and occasional internal amputated limb itching that you cannot scratch) is interesting. i am not the greatest singer either, so among the ‘Oozin’ aahs’ you will hear some voice cracks, and some ‘interesting’ notes. 

In the Rolling Stone issue mentioned above, Graffin also said this: “We actually try to keep opinions out of it, usually. Our music is just based on relevant issues, that’s all I can say. Politics are all about getting people to think your way. It’s subtle or sometimes overt coercion, and that’s the opposite of what Bad Religion are all about.” While they didn’t necessarily talk consistently about specific political parties in their music at the time of the interview, i’ve always seen the band’s content as being staunchly political, as everything we do is informed by politics. Environmentalism and a heavy critique on right wing cristofascism are indeed political subjects.

That said, in terms of the common perception people have when it comes to ‘politics’, the band were also pretty decisive in their wrath for the Bush and Trump administrations specifically, and made songs (and you could say albums) barely concealing said wrath. Evidence of this altered trajectory over the years was made from Brett Gurewitz in 2019: “In this time of tribal nationalism, dissent, as a form of political speech, is vital to democracy.” In 2016 one of the t-shirts repping the ‘Vox Populi’ tour had a not-so favorable position on both Trump and Hillary Clinton- a position i definitely agree with the band on. I tend to have a rule on not wearing t-shirts of tours i have not seen (and it’s hard to catch a show of theirs since they tend to sell out immediately), but this is the one occasion i can think of, in terms of breaking that rule.  i saw BR for the first time ever this year actually, at the Download Festival (in the UK). There were only a handful of bands i wanted to see (Metallica, The HU and Soul Glo were among the three i caught out of the handful, but i missed most of them based on how inaccessible the area was… While i HEARD THEIR SET from the outside, I MISSED MUNICIPAL WASTE- BOOOO); Bad Religion were added pretty soon before the festival to replace The Distillers. Things were made better when i ended up meeting these men from Nottingham, who were also massive BR fans. We all danced and screamed the lyrics together and celebrated life- one of the men was a cancer survivor. 

i’m speaking of this because The Empire Strikes First is, for all intents and purposes, a decisively political album (in the way politics is usually addressed- the song ‘Let The Eat War’ even includes the overtly political Sage Francis (who was also an artist on Epitaph around this time)). 

The album’s cover is interesting, because while it is an image of a man with praying hands, his hands also look bomb-like.

My favorite Bad Religion song of all time as i write this is ‘To Another Abyss,’ which comes from this album. While it is ultimately a song that can be read as a critique of the effects, dynamics, machinations and inhumanity of imperialist war; i also see it as a mini-treatise of sorts, conveying the feeling of living in a place which is incongruous to pretty much everything you stand for ideologically, politically and humanistically; this place you reside (and were most likely born in) is not home, and it ultimately never has been home. 

This actually was not an easy song to sing. i have so much respect for Mr. Graffin and his vocal abilities. It just seems so effortless for him. 

i did vocals (obviously), and played bass, guitar, drums and keys. 

The Process Of Belief is generally seen by the community of fans and admirers as the band’s ‘return to form’; it is also their first album released on Epitaph in nine years (since Recipe For Hate), as well as the point we see Brett Gurewitz’ return as a full member of the band, plus the introduction of Brooks Wackerman. While it is indeed one of my favorite albums from the band, i don’t see their other albums as any less. 

‘Bored & Extremely Dangerous’ (the album’s closer) is a heartbreaking song. While it wasn’t nonexistent, the current pervasiveness of the conversation and questions regarding ‘men and boys being left behind, contributing to their isolation and lonliness,’ incels, school/etc. shooters and the like were not as common in 2002 (when this album was released). The lyrics are succinct, and while the song is simultaneously a critique of the human subject in the song and the pernicious culture which births such humans; it is also a very empathetic reading:

A room and empty shelf
A book on mental health
I look for inner wealth
By punishing myself
I’m bored to the extreme
This world of foolish dreams
Disillusion
I am not who I seem to be
Yeah sure I might do harm
And bare my right to arm
RETRIBUTION
If only someone would listen to me
Listen to me

This song is interesting in that it pulls a King Crimson (Or early post-Genesis Peter Gabriel, or something musically similar) and places a bunch of experimental and environmental sounds and echoes in the middle of the song, for about a minute. When they’ve done the song live, Greg Graffin (who has three solo country and folk-influenced albums, which i also have) performs the song on acoustic guitar, while the second half is the whole band, electrically. 

i love punk music so much. Your favorite punk bands don’t only listen to punk music. If this were the case, it wouldn’t be particularly interesting as a whole. 

i of course, did not include this experimental part when i covered it, and arranged it in a way where the song (hopefully) flows without it. i played bass, vocals, drums, and some (messy) power chords on the guitar. 

‘American Jesus’ (from Recipe For Hate) was a song i always wanted to cover, but i wasn’t sure how i was going to address it. i can play the opening riff on guitar- to me, it is one of the greatest riffs of all time- but i cannot play it consistently at 182 BPM, which the song is, without immediately messing it up. 

Given the subject of the song, i wanted to open (and only open) with a church organ sound. What ended up happening was that the keys were the thing to drive the song, and i was able to play the riff fast in that way. In the end, the song (ironically, perhaps) ended up sounding similar to what a band like T.S.O.L. would do… or maybe Catholic Discipline?  

Bad Religion, again, musically contributed to a conversation that was not as pervasive (though still existent) as it is now, back in 1993. Christian nationalism is very real (to the point where hardcore evangelical folks in the U.S. now find Jesus… JESUS- to be too liberal. i mean, if you actually take what was written about Jesus literally, the man waged a praxis of socialist principles. The fact that there are people who consider themselves Christians, yet are opposed to the teachings of someone they claim to worship and consider God… This should tell you a lot about the driving principles and ideologies of this country). 

If i was suddenly dropped into a random city in the U.S. without any knowledge of its customs, i’d certainly think wholly negatively of Christianity. How it’s generally performed and perceived here (and spread around the world) is incredibly traumatizing and isolating to anyone on the political and social margins. 

About the song, when i first heard it it reminded me solidly of the Ramones, so of course in the cover i did i had to give a little nod. i sang (of course) and played keys, bass and drums. 

While i was working on the cover i was messing around, and found some pretty cool effects, and playing the ‘American Jesus’ riff reminded me of Kraftwerk. i also added a djembe effect. Pictured in the photo montage are a few of the instruments Kraftwerk used over the years: a Vako Orchestron, a prototype of the Synthanorma sequencer, a Minimoog, and a Maestro Rhythm King (MK-1). It’s a fairly meditative song, in comparison to all the punk you just heard. 

This post is dedicated to my fellow lovers of Bad Religion: Bryan, Christian, José, the men from Nottingham, and Chris.

And your name here. 

Metallica Fridays (no. 36): Finding Joy Out Of The Smaller Things (no. 8, 932)

Every single member of Metallica has specific quirks that are associated with them. Rob (with his skateboarder style) has the ‘crab walk’ and stomp, Kirk lifts his arms up and smiles in between songs; he also has his beloved wah pedal. James, with his wide stance, sometimes shimmies. All of these things i love to see; that said, i always love watching Lars Ulrich when he plays. Getting up after every song, snapping and yelling “That’s right!” has definitely become a part of his personality, but i love watching him do that because (as seemingly the band’s biggest cheerleader) it’s as if every song is an accomplishment. This is inspiring to me as a person who plays drums, not only because Lars is my greatest musical inspiration; i have to also remember that even though i am not the greatest player, just getting to the drums (or any instrument) and playing is an accomplishment. Learning a song is an accomplishment, even if it’s not played in the same way as the original song. 

Even learning that i am able to somewhat ‘decently’ sing the ‘crushing metal’ portion of ‘My Apocalypse’ (my favorite part of the whole Death Magnetic album- those lyrics are something i have actually experienced and survived) in a 1.5 speed a few times before totally messing it up is an accomplishment.

i always cherish moments like these, because they’re not always there- sometimes on the same day. Most days i learn to manage (where no one would even know if i’m in the middle of an episode), and some days it’s a chore to even get through the day. 

i’ve spoken about my experience with depression on here quite a bit, as well as my connection with the 72 Seasons album. ’Too Far Gone?’ is a song i fell in love with instantly when i first heard it at the world premiere at the theater, as its lyrics spoke to me deeply:

I, I am tribulation
Digging down to the bone
I, I am agitation
Never leaves me alone
Keep on, push it along
Don’t want to feel this
Sink in, start to believe
That I don’t exist

You’ve begun to spend your life internalizing so much of the trauma you experienced in life on some level, even if you’ve healed from the surface of it. Sometimes you self-medicate; sometimes you harm others, and sometimes you harm yourself. As you identify with this trauma (whether consciously or not) you consider yourself to be at the point where you can’t be redeemed, and you just live with it. ’Too Far Gone?’ reads as a cry for help on one level, and a prayer on another level (as several songs on the album do). 72 Seasons is perhaps Metallica’s best sequenced album- this song is followed by ‘Room Of Mirrors’– and ‘Too Far Gone?’ reads as a perfect meditation on finding the will to experience one more day, even if your brain and body are telling you the opposite. 

Never too far gone
I’m never too far gone to save
I can make it through the day

Make it through the day

Just for today

While i have always found connection with the song, it was not until September 14, 2023 when i was moved to tears. 

The band premiered ‘Too Far Gone?’ months before at Metlife Stadium (the same place i had the opportunity to meet Rob, Kirk and Lars). Footage from this show ended up being used in a reworked video accompanying the song. In addition to this live footage were shots of Curitiba, Brazil-based Felipe Nunes, a young man who became a double-leg amputee as a child (due to a train accident). His skills developed as he initially used the board as transportation. Tony Hawk became one of his biggest supporters, and Nunes eventually represented as a member of the Birdhouse crew (which is led by Hawk).

When i watched this video (which was directed by Coan Buddy Nichols), i cried.

The video could have taken the ‘inspiration porn’ route, but it was incredibly smart not to. Far too many people who not move through the world as a physically disabled person look at someone like Felipe Nunes and say, ‘This man has no legs; I better stop saying I’m having a rough day, because look at him! He has it harder than I do, and he doesn’t let that stop him from being amazing!’ People mean very well when they say things like that, but there’s a fine line between admiration and condescension. It is okay to acknowledge we all have rough days, whether or not we have a disability. 

The video was incredibly moving because it highlighted Nunes’ struggles, as well as his accomplishments. It highlighted him moving through the world as an amputee in an ableist society. Amputees (and other folks with apparent disabilities) tend to be thought of as ‘brave’ or ‘noble’ when simply getting through their day, or doing things they love. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone who is not disabled finding inspiration or admiration but again, there is a fine line. i cannot speak for everyone, but it feels incredibly patronizing when i’m considered to be ‘special’ just because i get out of bed and move through the day. It’s really not that special- in fact, it’s incredibly difficult to do sometimes. Quiet as it’s kept, it’s not too far along the spectrum as someone who says they don’t know if they would even be able to survive if they became an amputee.

The best thing to do are two things: talk to folks who have varying ranges of disabilities (both physical and non) to understand that not all experiences are monolithic, and advocate for building a society that is available to accommodate all bodies and needs. 

As a person who skated in my younger days (and stopped in my 20s, which is still relatively early), the video had me once again missing skateboarding. One of my favorite moments in life is meeting Steve Olson, but i digress. The humanistic way in which Nunes was visually weaved into the narrative of the song (plus the band’s acknowledgement of folks in the deaf community (as they made ASL-themed videos of all their songs from 72 Seasons)) gives me a greater level of respect for the band. 

i was in an incredible amount of physical pain playing this song (as well as the other song featured in this post), but i pushed through it. i accomplished it. And this is why i smile when i play, and every time i end a song.

Remember that we are never too far gone to ask for help, or reach out, no matter where we are in life, or what our physicality is like.

As anyone who regularly reads this blog knows (and thank you by the way); even though i love all the songs, the ones i choose to play for each post are those i’ve connected to in that moment. Lars once again was the inspiration for choosing to play ‘Spit Out The Bone’ here, the final song on …Hardwired To Self-Destruct. The sequence that opens and closes the song is one of my favorite Lars sequences/fills, and i’ve always loved watching him play on this song (and was incredibly happy to see the band do it at their 40th Anniversary show); but it’s always a song i struggled with, and (obviously) still do. That said, i’m a bit better at it than i was when i made attempts to play it last year. It was pretty bad. i don’t think Lars has ever been one to regularly practice rudiments; they admittedly are not something i practice every day, but i can tell you that getting some rudiments in has helped in being better at songs like this one. This song (as with many of the band’s songs) is not necessarily that easy to do with one leg (and an eternally swollen and weak foot/ankle on the remaining leg). As a person who is right handed i also had to learn to adapt and play similar to a left-handed player, as my right leg isn’t there. It is a whole new language that i am still in the process of learning and getting used to. Sometimes i think that situation is ‘too far gone’ (if you will), but i make due and work around it. 

There are so many excellent sections of this song- too many to mention. Metallica songs are like mini books within themselves, with chapters that take you on a journey. One section i will mention is one of the riffs within the bridge… It is the riff that introduces the “Stop breathing/And dedicate to me” line. Amid the narrative of the catastrophe that unchecked technological advances can bring, there is this beautiful riff (and its harmonies) that moves me to tears. 

So of course i played it on repeat, because that is what i do. And as i was listening and taking in its beauty i realized that there increasingly are riffs coming from Metallica that remind me of another one of my all-time favorite bands, Bad Religion. i’ve never heard Metallica citing Bad Religion (who laid the groundwork for skate punk and some iterations of pop punk) as an influence at all, despite them both being birthed in Southern California around the same time, and despite Kirk and James being heavily into skating in the 80s. Still, a few of the riffs and harmonies emerging from this later era of Metallica (specifically since Hardwired) don’t seem too estranged from, in my view, one of the greatest punk bands (and bands in general) to exist. 

i am absolutely loving it, even if most folks (including the band) may not agree. 

Aside from all that, i suppose this has turned into another ‘Thank you Lars’ post. He will never read this, but i still want to acknowledge how he has inspired me to find acceptance of the accomplishments, even if they’re not perfect. Because in all the moments of pain, i still accomplished something.

That’s right. 

Metallica Fridays (no. 35): Playing Through The Pain

Currently, i am doing my best to find joy out of the things that make me happy; these things may appear small or insignificant to many, but they are things that keep my brain from going to undesired places- photographs of hands, a peanut in the mouth of the bluejay i saw yesterday; cats… Anything with cats.

And of course, playing music. Sometimes though, your brain is in another space as you are trying to play, and you just cannot seem to get anything right. This post is about one of those days.

If you’re new to this blog, welcome! One thing you must know is that every post i make is about a journey, and not every one is going to be perfect. i am far from the greatest musician, and i make a lot of mistakes; but playing music is definitely one of my ‘happy places’.

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It is amazing that we are at 35 posts, regarding this journey i’ve taken in learning (and playing) Metallica songs to the best of my ability. There are players far superior than me in general (so really, an extra thank you for taking time out of your day and checking out this site)- and despite whatever criticism he gets, Lars Ulrich’s style is not as easy as people think it is. You may be able to ‘play the part’, but he has a particular accent in the drummer’s language that isn’t easy to imitate. While not the most complex, he is one of the most musical drummers i’ve heard, not unlike many a jazz drummer (which i’ve mentioned several times on this site). i think one of the reasons why Metallica is so connective as a band, is because so much of what they do is based around percussion and rhythm. As much as i love Kirk Hammett’s solos and leads (as well as his rhythm work, which he doesn’t get enough credit for), it wasn’t until i began playing their songs on the drums, when i really began to listen to what James Hetfield (as the rhythm guitarist) was actually doing…. because i ended up playing to what he was doing, both on the guitar and vocals. As his style is very percussive, it has been very helpful.

While he is my greatest musical inspiration (and while there are a few cues i use), i don’t particularly play like Lars. i don’t think the point should be to play like him. The more i make these posts though, the more i appreciate why Lars does what he does.

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A few days before this post (December 3) i received notification reminding me that i saw Metallica 32 years ago, in Buffalo, New York. It was the first leg of the Wherever We May Roam tour; i had just turned 15, my favorite song in the whole world at the time was ‘Battery’, and my favorite album was Master Of Puppets. While i very clearly remember some things that occurred at that concert and throughout the night; a lot of it has become a blur to my 47-year old brain. One thing i do remember is the scream i let out when ‘Battery’ came on during one of the three encores. i could have exploded of happiness the moment i heard that opening riff, but i guess i would have missed the song if that happened.

In commemoration of the excitement i felt at that moment 32 years ago- marking it as one of the first ever concerts i’ve been to as well- i decided to play ‘Battery’ on the TAMAs. It’s honestly one of my favorite songs to play on the drums. It’s also got my favorite ever Lars Ulrich fill of all time, which he does variations of several times in the song.

The posts i do are inspired by the songs i am emotionally connected to at the moment, and vice versa.

Within the past week i was listening to ‘Chasing Light’, and i began to cry. i had a similar emotional connection to it upon first hearing it at the theatrical world premiere. It particularly resonated with me this week, because i’ve been struggling internally in ways that aren’t easy to discern right now. Living with depression is much easier when you can trace a particular source of the episode, because you are better able to manage it.

Like many of their songs, this one also can have various interpretations, depending on the listener. For me, it reads doubly as a message regarding both the material and immaterial. It works as a gospel song (for those who turn to a higher power (whether they are called God, Allah, Yahweh, etc.), or the wisdom of the ancestors for guidance). It also works under the utilization of music as a tool and force for healing. i see it as a sibling song to ‘Lux Æterna’ in a way.

In the material sense, i see it as James Hetfield being a little less internal with his writing; it is a little connection in understanding that there have been so many alongside his own journey who have also struggled just as he has, whether they be friends, acquaintances or appreciators of his art. If he can’t speak to everyone personally, ‘Chasing Light’ is his message of encouragement during those troubling times.

Chase that light, lean on me
Face that fight, lean on me
Catch your fall, lean on me
End it all, lean on me
Struggle on, ’cause without darkness
Without darkness, there’s no light

i also see ‘Chasing Light’ as an unspoken number 4 in the ‘Unforgiven’ series.

Ooh, lost his way through wicked streets
But he is someone’s little boy
Oh, all the love a young one needs
Thoughtless elders have destroyed

It is destroyed
He’s just a boy

Healing from trauma (whether child or adult-oriented) is a lifetime of work. No one should ever do it alone.

This song is a perfect example of how percussive James’ playing is. There are things in this song (which was co-written by Kirk) that were accented; while Lars played it pretty straight on some parts, i followed the guitars.

While this song resonates with me on a spiritual and emotional level, my brain somehow did not receive the message. Whenever i’d press record, something would go wrong: there was the time i recorded a pretty decent take on video but forgot to record the drums; the end of the video cut out at the end (like you see in the video below); i played the song over and over and could not seem to get it right- but of course when the record button was off it was better. It’s just another chapter in the book called my life. It could be a case of the universe not wanting me to do the song, no matter how helpful the song is to me in this time.

i cannot tell you. i decided to post this anyway, even with all the glaring mistakes. Because this is a journey. An imperfect journey with an imperfect body. A body with a currently aching back, one leg and a weak remaining foot with edema that plays the kick drum. In the darkness of my brain, there is light in the music.

Without darkness, there’s no light.

Metallica Fridays (no. 33): Meeting My Fears (no. 8,375)

i once had a tattoo on my left leg that said ‘no fear’, surrounded by balloons.

About 19 years ago i was riding my bicycle (of course), and i had my neck cut by some kite string with balloons attached to it. If you’ve heard any of the stories that came out within the past year about people being injured (or worse) by random kite strings, then you know that kite string is no joke. i am grateful to have survived. As a result, i developed a fear of balloons.

i wanted to lose this fear, and the tattoo was a reminder of encouraging me to do so. As a result of my legs being messed up from being hit by a truck (which i am extremely grateful to have survived as well) i lost this tattoo. Coincidentally (or not) i began developing a whole other heap of fears. While it may be true that fear is simply representative of False Evidence Appearing Real; but suddenly becoming an amputee will probably do that to you on some level.

So now i have to start over and find my voice again.

As i’ve mentioned various times, Metallica has been a major soundtrack in this journey of starting over. The context of their music is quite different now, as a nearing 50 disabled adult whose life experience has now shifted, versus a young kid who was much more mobile with two legs. While my brain struggles to process various things (due to the accident i suppose), my brain is still functioning with dozens and dozens of thoughts and ideas all at once, and it’s frustrating that i can’t get them all out. i usually have something nearby where i can record my ideas (whether it’s paper or a recording device)- and a lot of times those ideas happen when i don’t have access to something, like i’m in the bathroom/shower, or if i’m in bed and don’t feel like getting up to get said things to record on.

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This 72 Seasons album has been incredibly helpful in terms of helping me access some of this creativity. It’s also been helpful in acknowledging that i still have a few fears i was unaware were still around.

This may be a pretty common fear- and it may sound strange to some folks that it’s one i have, given the amount of things i do on here- but one of the fears i do have is a fear of truly accessing my own creativity. i am not a great musician or singer, and i don’t particularly like the sound of my own voice; however, i love creating, so i do it. Creating is a means of survival. i create, but i’m always seeing something in it that makes me recoil, like i played a note weird, or that i’m not good enough.

And suddenly, the universe brings a wonderful song to us called ‘Room Of Mirrors’, the penultimate track on 72 Seasons. To me, ‘Room Of Mirrors’ works similar to ‘Purify’ (the penultimate track on the wonderful St. Anger), in that they both describe the process of truly opening yourself to be vulnerable to others, and breaking down every cell, every atom. To truly open yourself to others is one of the most difficult things to do. Even the most encouraging words sometimes sound like a criticism, either due to painful experiences that have shaped your life, or the voices inside your head telling you ‘no’.

In a mirrored room
Talking to myself
And the voices pushing back
I’ll let them inside my heart
But they’ll tear it all apart

In a mirrored room
Just a simple man
Naked, broken, beat, and scarred
What do I really know?
That fear of letting go

Letting go is scary. Your thoughts are going 250 miles a minute, and you write and record all of these ideas when you can (to the point where it’s even difficult to remember where you put them). You are blanketed by all of these ideas, but to actually put them out into the world is taking that blanket off, leaving you cold. But you need to get up and jog through the forest of your brain to keep warm.

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…And so it began, where we were sitting in the theater listening to the tracks of the album, in the global premiere. There were already songs i was familiar with (due to them being released as singles previously). With the new songs, i closed my eyes for much of it, and just took in the music. Not only is every single song a lyrical deep exploration (charting some of James Hetfield’s best), but so many of the songs are dripping in rich harmony… especially a song like ‘Room Of Mirrors’. As i sat in the theater, my brain immediately went there, with both James’ vocal melodies, as well as the guitars.

Over the course of this week i was messing around on the guitar, practicing one half of the guitarmony on the bridge of ‘Room Of Mirrors’, and a cover began to develop. As i mentioned earlier, i’m not the greatest musician, so a lot of times when i cover a song i do it either from memory, or inspired from portions of the source. i can only play to my own limitations, so i’m not going to play a song similar in style to Metallica, as i’m not great at palm muting, barre chords, pinch harmonics… or even guitar in general.

The foundation of this cover was actually the vocals. After i did those, i did drums, then bass, then guitars. The original song reminded me a bit of Bad Religion (one of my favorite punk bands of all time), which may be what truly endeared me to the song (beside its wonderful lyrics). When i began developing the cover, i kind of heard a ska punk rhythm in my head, mixed with the B52s. i cannot tell you why. i also am horrible at soloing, so i didn’t even attempt to for this song. The song stays pretty much in the solid ‘pop punk’ (?) realm, i guess, with some vocal harmonies- again, which i’m not great at. But…

…i am doing my best to face my fears. i am holding that mirror up to what scares me. That said, i am a survivor of things more scary than my terrible vocals.

Metallica Fridays (no.32): Processing what i have just heard…

Friday, April 14, 2023.

This is the day many have been waiting for- the official release of the new album, 72 Seasons. jesse and i attended a global audiovisual event, held in 80 or so countries. While i am still processing the album i can say this- the album, to me, is the work (on the self and with each other) done since St. Anger. St. Anger depicted the immediacy of the struggle; 72 Seasons is a much more mature, vulnerable reading of said struggle. Sonically, it’s filled with wonder and beauty. It’s got more harmonics than any other Metallica album i’ve heard. Lyrically it’s emotionally devastating. There was so much i identified with, as i closed my eyes and just took in the music.

Interestingly, i think i may have been the only one there to sing, dance, bop around and headbang. These songs were too great NOT to.

Now that i have finally heard the album in full, listening to the songs on their own just seems a bit empty. i feel like the songs are realized in a fuller way as a whole. St. Anger (one of my favorite albums of all time) is vulnerable in a pummeling way (channeling the immediacy of a mental health struggle (as well as an acknowledgement of struggles with addiction); while the mental health struggles and internal conversations are still there; 72 Seasons is vulnerable in a more pensive, mature way. There are definitely songs i teared up at while taking them in for the first time at the event, but something tells me i’m going to cry hard, similar to how i did so for the title track.

…And the title track is where we are for this week’s post. i am tired right now (and still processing), but i did want to make this quick post. The band definitely looked to their primary influences (as well as their own albums) for inspiration, but nothing sounds derivative or uninspiring. Metallica have nothing to prove at this stage of their lives, but they continue to find ways to connect.

It’s very rare to think that an album in someone’s latter half of their catalog is among the best of what they’re done. i can say for certain that 72 Seasons is just that.

Metallica Fridays (no. 31): New House, New ‘Seasons’

The universe speaks again… i mean, it always does; the question is, do i listen or not.

As i was prepping to do this post something told me to re-look at Metallica’s 2009 Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame appearance. Flea (bass player with the red Hot Chili Peppers) gave a moving speech, in a ‘Crash Course In Brain Surgery’ t-shirt. “When I hear Metallica I get this feeling that they are doing something that they have to do. Like there is this thing in them wound up so tight they have to let it out, let that thing uncoil; it has to be released. An infinite well of sadness, a hell of a lot of pain and anger; but mostly, a lot of love for the process that they have created for releasing this stuff.” He continues, “Whatever gets thrown at them, they persevere, and they get stronger. They are a family.”

i honestly feel like this applies more to Metallica now, than it did even in 2009. i mentioned this in the last post, but i really do think they have honed in their purpose, which is, being a vehicle for connection- music just happens to be the particular vehicle they do it in. They have been through a lot of trauma, grief and pain. they have also acted out in ways that have not been the most healthy. Through a lot of conscious work they have been able to utilize their gift(s) to share with the many others who have experienced that as well. To me, it’s a bit deeper (and more spiritual) than just writing and performing a ‘Fade To Black.’

i have written about this before; however, i am thinking about it during this more current life experience. i moved into a new house; in it, we have been able to create a proper space to play music in. The room is called:

Because of course it is.

It feels really good to have a proper set of drums. Though i have played drums in several bands, i have never had a(n acoustic) set of my own. Playing an acoustic set as an amputee (versus a smaller electric set) when your amputated leg doesn’t bend all the way is NOT easy. My leg is just hanging out there, with no real support. Because of this situation i also have the drums set up differently.

The crash cymbal is much closer to me, on my left. The floor tom, i alternate between my left and right sides. The snare is farther to the right side, as i use my left foot for the kick. Despite being right handed (and have used to have played that way before the accident), i now play more like a left handed person. i had been experimenting with various ways i could set up the drums, and this is the way that’s made me happiest to play. This post is the first time i’ve recorded drums on this set, so i am still in experimentation mode. The rack tom definitely could have been mic’d a bit lower. There’s also variances in the kick, since my left foot is seemingly eternally swollen, and is not at its strongest state.

Referring to Cliff Burton’s time on earth, Flea (as part of the induction speech) said, “The worst tragedy that could ever happen to anyone- my opinion, is that when they die they never sang their song that was inside of them; they never gave the gift that was inside of them. But the beautiful opposite of that is that if you pass away, and you know that you sang your song, you gave your gift… that is the greatest accomplishment that I could ever hope for anybody.”

Despite any mistakes i made in these posts (and i made a few here), i choose to keep them in because not only is it all a learning process, but it’s also a fully human process. i have to remind myself sometimes that i survived being ragdolled by a semi truck. An 18 wheeler. Making mistakes on the drums (or any other instrument) is the LEAST of my worries in comparison. Life is hard as it is; if i lived my life hiding my process because i made a few (or more) mistakes, i’d be purposefully depriving myself of my own growth.

Clearly i don’t have the same platform as Metallica; that said, my hope is that i can share this experience of doing the best i can do with whatever physical limitations i have- and it will perhaps inspire others to ‘sing the song that’s inside of them,’ no matter how many mistakes.

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i figured it would be fitting to play to a couple of songs released since our last post, from the upcoming album, 72 Seasons. These songs mean so much to me, for the reasons i stated in general on this site, and on the last and current posts. The second song released publicly from this album was ‘Screaming Suicide’. James Hetfield during live performances had been speaking openly during the middle section of ‘Fade To Black’, and giving words of encouragement to people who are either experiencing ideation, and/or have been impacted by it in some way. He would exclaim, “You are not alone!”

‘Screaming Suicide’ echoes the same sentiment in song form. Seemingly discussing the feelings of hopelessness that ensues when inundated by social media:

Craving dopamine
Then my voice appears
Teaching you of fears
Are you good enough?
You don’t recognize
Head is full of lies
You should just give up

Right on down to the usual ideation (which is more of what i experience, since i don’t have social media accounts):

Curse another day
Spirit locked away
Punish and deprive
Hate to be awake
Living a mistake
More dead than alive

Terrified in sleepless nights
Caught in spotlight dead to rights
Isolate and fight your mind
Telling you you’re left behind

This song appears to finally name what has been, up to this point, the ‘Unnamed Feeling’:

And now you speak my name
You’ve given back the blame
Keep me deep inside
Don’t you keep me inside
Screaming suicide

Even in the song’s description, Hetfield says this. “‘Screaming Suicide’ addresses the taboo word of suicide. The intention is to communicate about the darkness we feel inside. It’s ridiculous to think we should deny that we have these thoughts. At one point or another, I believe most people have thought about it. To face it is to speak the unspoken. If it’s a human experience, we should be able to talk about it. You are not alone.”

The song is very cathartic to play, in particular because i have experienced throughout my life the very thing the song discusses. i could be happy one day, and it suddenly and unexpectedly shows up. Fortunately i’ve gotten better at recognizing what to look for when i see the beginning stages, but i still have yet to prepare for the moment of an actual breakdown happening. It’s a thing i wish onto no one.

i do not know if any of the members of Metallica have experienced first hand what the lyrics entail; i can guarantee (especially based on Hetfield’s speeches during ‘Fade To Black’) that they have been impacted by it in some way, either through people close to them, or fans describing their experiences. i am certainly grateful and appreciative for the song.

(There’s a couple of seconds of no video towards the middle/end; sometimes, one file stops and starts another one. That’s what you see.)

The next song, ‘If Darkness Had A Son’ makes me happy because if my suspicions are correct, this is a direct reference to the infamous Presidio sessions, in preparation for what became the St. Anger album. ‘Temptation’ was a song James Hetfield was fighting for to be on the album, and it seems like he got his wish, 20 years later. While indeed it does make me happy (because… St. Anger), this song seemingly hearkens to a more recent rehabilitation stint Hetfield took in 2019. While this is sad, i am happy he made the decision to do it, for his health- mental, physical or otherwise.

Like many Metallica lyrics, my guess is that this song can be interpreted in various ways as well.

Return again to where it’s darkest
Dragging home this heathen harvest
And all the children subjugated
Manipulated, propagated

If darkness had a son, here I am
Temptation is his father
If darkness had a son, here I am
I bathe in holy water

It could be referencing struggles with alcohol (or other addictions); it could also be referencing the struggle one has with repeating the behaviors of their father/parent(s). This song could also be the potential accompaniment to the Unforgiven trilogy- The Un4given, if you will:

The beast still shouts for what it’s yearning
He stokes the fire, desire burning
The never-ending quenchless craving
The unforgiven misbehaving

Has that ‘light of golden treasure’ steered him off his path to the point of falling into the arms of temptation yet again? One can only guess.

With this song, it’s obvious i cannot physically play a double bass (though i do have a double pedal… One day i will get there), so i play the song in my own way, as usual.

i am just grateful that Metallica are still producing songs that have such meaning, where so many can connect with.

(At the end, you hear jesse… He didn’t see the sign that i was recording, and walked in. i didn’t see him until the end of the song. We both got a good chuckle out of it. He really likes Metallica, but he got into them a bit more recently (we went to the 40th together), and he’s not as hardcore about it as me.)

Metallica Fridays (no. 30): The Eternal Light Of Metallica

Monday, November 28.

i was in the middle of editing, when i decided to check my e mail. There was one which stood out, with its bright flashes of yellow. NEW SONG! NEW ALBUM! NEW TOUR!

Could it be, after much debate and speculation; amid a pandemic (which is still very present) and personal and collective losses, that an actual album has finally been realized? i stopped what i was doing, to listen to this song, which was included in said e mail. 44 seconds in, i already knew it was going to be beautiful.

What i didn’t know what how significant it would be to the journey.

“Come to the Church of Metallica. You’ll become a member and rejoice! You don’t have to direct anything at us. You can direct it at the experience that you’re having.” In an interview with the New Yorker, Kirk Hammett succinctly states the very thing i was feeling at the 40th anniversary shows, where i lifted my hands in prayer and repeatedly thanked the Most High for Metallica’s existence in my life. It felt so strange to do, but it felt extremely natural at the same time. It was the third time i’ve felt such a positively visceral reaction while attending a concert- the other two times were seeing Pharoah Sanders (where i cried rivers the moment he stepped on stage) and Kamasi Washington.

i do not, in any way, shape or form look at Metallica as God. It is clear that the Church spoken of is not about the worship of fallible beings, for they, both as individuals as well as a collective, are as fallible as any other human on the planet. However, from my perspective, there was a particular energy they were open to receiving that night, and i was just as ready.

‘Lux Æterna’, the song which was released on Monday, is the musical embodiment of the very thing i felt that night at the 40th. It is, indeed, the musical embodiment of, as Lars Ulrich says, “the whole energy of the universe.”

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At this point, i think i have heard this song at least 80 times since its release. Maybe more.

To me, the song sounds like the result of a very difficult healing journey. Indeed, the song’s title is translated to ‘eternal light’ in Latin; while Metallica have been a major factor in my own healing journey as an amputee, this is the first song i’ve ever heard from the band, which expels actual light energy. The focus i have here is more spiritual than anything; however, i’ll focus on the material for a bit.

The song’s double kick pattern is reminiscent of Motörhead’s ‘Overkill’; the riff is clearly inspired by them as well. There are also references to Diamond Head (another massive influence to the band), as well as their own music. The song is clearly a nod to their first album, Kill ‘Em All, yet written with the wisdom and maturity of someone who, again, did a lot of the difficult healing work and self-reflection.

‘Lux Æterna’ still carries the same message that was audaciously stated in 1983: “We’ll never stop/We’ll never quit/’cause we’re Metallica”; this time, it feels more metaphysical, and more to be about the healing qualities of music itself. People have connected with this band in so many ways; decades after they are gone, their impact will still be felt in ways beyond the music.

Emancipation
Kill isolation
Never alone for the feelings alike
Amplification
Lightning the nation
Never alive more
Than right here tonight

is light years away from

Late at night, all systems go
You’ve come to see the show
We do our best, you’re the rest
You make it real, you know

Just as

A sea of hearts beat as one, unified
Magnification
All generations
Approaching thunder awaiting the light

is the realization of their evolution and inspiration, from

No life till leather
We are gonna kick some ass tonight
We got the metal madness
When our fans start screaming
It’s right well alright
When we start to rock
We never want to stop again

And the healing power of music and community is realized through the

Kindred alliance connected inside
Commiseration
Sonic salvation
Cast out the demons that strangle your life

While the individual experience is colored by knowing

I am taking down you know whatever is in my way

…Those things that are in the way inhibit us from being the best we can be, to ourselves, and to others.

‘Lux Æterna’ is, to me, a sibling of ‘Lords Of Summer’, an amazing song (released on the special edition of Hardwired… To Self Destruct) that also references Kill ‘Em All. It also continues the journey that ‘Hit The Lights’ and more specifically, ‘Whiplash’ began- the sentiment of the lyrics echo the slight change that’s been said in live versions for many years now: “We’ll never stop/We’ll never quit/’cause you’re Metallica!”

Rounding everything out, Lars says, “The fifth member of Metallica is the collective… People say, ‘What does Metallica mean to you?’ It’s just a fuckin’ . . . it’s a state of mind.” Metallica for me is more of a philosophical and spiritual experience than anything else, so again, not only do the words of the members of Metallica confirm this for me, but so does this song.

Speaking of Lars… Is the Black Album-era White Tama kit back? MY FAVORITE KIT IS BACK… minus a couple of rack toms and some hardware…?

That kit was the first thing i noticed in the accompanying video, the moment you could clearly see it.

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On the upcoming album (of which ‘Lux Æterna’ is on), 72 Seasons, James Hetfield explains:

“72 seasons… The first 18 years of our lives that form our true or false selves. The concept that we were told ‘who we are’ by our parents. A possible pigeonholing around what kind of personality we are.”

“I think the most interesting part of this is the continued study of those core beliefs and how it affects our perception of the world today. Much of our adult experience is re-enactment or reaction to these childhood experiences. Prisoners of childhood or breaking free of those bondages we carry.”

Re-enactment or reaction.

Re-enactment or reaction. Or response. We can continue the patterns of our parents (or other adults who were there during our formative years), or reject them. To be able to acknowledge this takes a massive amount of work. It is said that ‘hurt people hurt people’, but we don’t have to. i have no idea what the rest of the album is going to sound like; while i have no doubt it will be great, i cannot say the sentiment is going to fully echo it’s first single. That said, i maintain that ‘Lux Æterna’ is the pure embodiment of love, joy and true light energy, emanating from years of (still existent) struggle, heartache and doubt.

i really do feel that Metallica was brought here to do this. No, not simply perform; but to publicly experience a particular journey, in order to come out of it, in order to see their purpose of bringing light. i really do think this is why they’ve endured as long as they have. They will always have human experiences where they make mistakes, or where they will do things i disagree with.

i am talking about something bigger than that. They are not here to be perfect. They are here to be bearers of light.

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As you all know, i am an extremely basic player, and far from being that great. i don’t know all the tricks, bells and whistles, the gallops or the 16ths… While i certainly am not Robert Trujillo, the song is incredibly fun to play. i ended up pre-ordering the album, so i was able to get a link to download the song. Soon after that i began practicing it on bass. i am not playing it at all, how it’s ‘supposed’ to be played. i was actually slightly inspired by Bob Babbitt here.

After figuring out the basics, i decided to look up some bass covers of the song (of which there are many, even after three days). It amazes me how, after all these years, i still play like a guitarist, as opposed to how a bassist would play. i can’t read music; i have no idea even what notes i’m playing. i play by sound- which, i’m going to be honest, is why i would not consider myself that good of a player, or even a bassist.

Obviously, this does not stop me from having fun, or striving to be better. Given everything i’ve written in this post, i hope i haven’t disrespected the song (or the band) too much.

i am grateful to the universe for the opportunity to experience not only Metallica in my lifetime; but also the gift of their music.

Metallica Fridays (no. 29): Back at it (briefly, until i am again)

i should be getting myself ready to go to Florida (where we’re going to go see Metallica honor Marsha and Jon Zazula (who as noted in past posts were the folks who assisted the band in a major way, with the formation of Megaforce records)). i’m sure it will be a bittersweet time for them, as they reminisce and trace their roots. i anticipate having a great time, and losing my voice, screaming my heart out, along to whatever songs they do.

As i am in the middle of packing and preparing, i figured i’d post a little something, as it’s been a while. There have been many things going on in life- not wholly negative, don’t worry- and i haven’t had a lot of energy or opportunity to focus on posting. Soon enough we will return to the regular posts though. As for now, i hope you enjoy these today (and any other posts)! i certainly enjoy doing them, and i hope they make you smile. Perhaps it will inspire you to create in whatever ways give you joy.

The first post we have is my take on the premiere live performance of one of my favorites on Metallica (aka The Black Album), ‘The Struggle Within.’ Its premiere occurred in Prague, Czech Republic, on May 7, 2012. While greatly inspired by Lars (because… of course), i did put a bit of my own spin on it.

i do not in any way, shape or form profess to be that great of a drummer, but i also like to challenge myself in ways- that’s how you get better.

There are folks out there who combine particular songs with particular eras of the band, and they have this ability to capture little nuances of said eras, such as tone. One of these creators is Bryce Barilla, and he made a couple of versions of one of my favorites, ‘Trapped Under Ice’ in the spirit of …And Justice For All. i do have a version here i made a while back, where i played the bass. However, i play drums here, to the initial rendition he did of the song. As i said, i am not that great of a drummer; i cannot play that fast, consistently for 3,4 minutes, in the way the song needs. So i did it my way, and still (at least to me) kept a bit of the spirit of the original song. Also, in the spirit of Ride the Lightening i added a massive layer of reverb.

This post is covering several eras; right here we will have the opening track of my favorite Metallica album, Load: ‘Ain’t My Bitch’. While the word bitch tends to be used pejoratively in many cases, if i felt it was used in a way to demean women i in no way would post (or even listen to) the song. That said, i understand how and why some could be uncomfortable with it. It’s not even a word i use. i take the song though, given the context of the lyrics to simply mean, ‘Ain’t my problem.’

The song opens with one of my favorite things in the world pertaining to music- a slight rhythmic illusion. i always hear the opening on a different count than it actually is, because it ends on the final phrase of the riff. The song also ends with it, plus the first note that opens the riff. There were two bits during the bridge that weren’t that great (there were a couple of seconds of the video that went dark, and i kind of messed up on the drums), but the point of this site is to chart the journey, mistakes and all.

Finally, we now have the song that hooked me into the Metallica experience at the age of 14- ‘Battery’. i think that was probably my favorite song of all time back then. It also has my favorite Lars Ulrich fill of all time. i have drummed to the album version, as well as the Seattle ’89 version… Now we have the version from the November 17, 1986 performance at Aichi Kinro Kaikan in Nagoya, Japan. i absolutely love drumming to this song, mistakes and all.

Until we meet again (and hopefully that will be soon), i hope you enjoy the post.

Peeling Back The Skin (A ST. ANGER Love Story)…

i have been away for a bit (if you couldn’t tell)… The primary reason is that i’ve been working on a film. St. Anger (an album i’ve praised numerous times on this site) is an album that is seen by so many with repulsion. This film is one that charts not only my own love and appreciation for the album, but others’ love and appreciation for it as well. i know we are out there, even if it’s a small percentage of us.

The idea for doing it came as i was half joking around, saying i was going to make a documentary, and i got some encouragement to actually go through with it. Thinking i was going to be made fun of, i took a chance and announced this on the Metallica forums. There was a surprising amount of support for it.

Initially, i thought it was going to be 15 minutes of me ranting about how St. Anger needs to be respected, but what ended up happening was a deeper journey. Not only did i have to chance to begin to build positive relationships, but i also found out so much more about myself. Navigating this (new) world as an amputee, i still have anxiety about moving through the world. Despite having a history of making films and creating music, this encouraged me to push myself in ways i haven’t done in a long time.

i am so grateful to everyone who took the time to listen, to encourage, to critique and to participate. What ended up happening on film was 6 hours, but what happened beyond that will last a lifetime.

Yes… You read that correctly. 6 hours. Obviously, i don’t expect anyone to sit and watch this whole thing for six hours straight, so i am putting some ‘time stamps’, so folks know where they are, and where to go.

Part 1

  • Intro (0:00)
  • Clint And Ethan Pt. 1 (2:48)
  • The Journey/AJ/How This Came to Be (3:24)
  • Jesse (25:22)
  • Jordan (28:58)
  • Mary B (33:42)
  • Amanda (42:07)
  • Nikos (46:25)
  • Kirk/Sarah & Ralph (58:23)
  • Nick (1:05)
  • Richii (1:07)
  • Christian (1:13)
  • Rob/Lou (1:32)
  • St. Anger For Life Pt. 1/Abhimanyu (1:41)
  • Brandon (1:44)
  • James/Andreas (2:28)

Part 2

  • Casey (:24)
  • Kristen (11:41)
  • Laura/Criticisms and Extras (1:41)
  • Lars/The Songs (1:59)
  • Poetry And Messages (2:41)
  • St. Anger For Life Pt. 2 (3:05)
  • Clint And Ethan Pt. 2.5 (3:08)
  • End Credits (3:09)

Yes. Six hours. perhaps this will inspire others to make their own ‘love letters’ to St. Anger, or another beloved album. This film was a pure labor of love, with a $0 budget. i’m sure there were some mistakes that occurred (i DEFINITELY know there’s at least one. i mentioned early on that ‘Battery’ was the song in the final encore when i first saw the band, and it actually was the song before the final encore). i don’t have fancy equipment (nor am i the greatest musician on earth), so everything you see here, warts and all is again, coming from a place of great respect and appreciation- not only for the subject of this film, but everyone who contributed to this labor of love happening as well.

The interviews and segments range from the strictly musical to the more philosophical; i felt it was important to keep the flow of what people were saying with little interruption, so i chose to keep the full(er) interviews without breaks. There’s a mix of commentary, visual poetry, and music (all played by me… drums/percussion, keys, bass and guitar). While they are not exact replicas of anything, my audiovisual inspirations ranged from calls to the ancestors, to John Coltrane to Public Image Ltd. to bossa nova to avant garde cinema to of course, Metallica. i am sure i’m missing a lot of points i want to say; still i am incredibly grateful to have had this experience, and the opportunity to share it with you all. My hope is that you can listen and view with an open mind and an open heart. Perhaps you’ll learn some things; perhaps it will reignite some ideas you’ve already had.

(Almost) everything to be said about the wonderfulness of St. Anger, hopefully it’s here. Thank you for your time.

(Content Warning: Flashing lights, mentions of sexual assault, abuse, and suicide; photos with a bit of blood in them, as well as a leg that’s been amputated (no massive amounts of blood there, don’t worry).

Also, if you are interested in listening to music from the film, you can listen here.)