So much has happened since the last post- besides the unfortunately extended periods of deep depression episodes; in between that, i actually made a record! i played all of the instruments (drums, bass, guitars, keys and ukulele) as well as did all of the vocals. Around the time i was in the process of sending the record off to be pressed, one of my closest friends passed. i feel like i have somewhat processed it- only somewhat. However, there is a giant piece missing in my life (and my heart) right now.
i did quite a bit of traveling in between posts as well- in some of that, i ended up seeing a bunch of Metallica shows, for their first leg of the M72 tour. i ended up making some wonderful friendships, and finally meeting people in person that i’ve communicated with through email or text. As a matter of fact, i saw them not too long after my friend passed, and it was cathartic to be at a concert of a band i connect with in a spiritual sense, and thinking of my dear friend as i am there. As they opened with Ennio Morricone’s ‘The Ecstasy Of Gold’ (as they do every concert), tears fell down my face. ______________________________________________________________________
We are here now… with another medley!
This medley came about, as i was inspired by Seb, who runs the RIFF LIFE site. He’s been holding a contest for people to do a medley of songs from the …And Justice For All album. He’s always encouraging me to enter these contests, and i never do it. i don’t feel i’m good enough to enter a contest for a band like Metallica.
Has that changed? Nope. i’m still not good enough to enter a Metallica contest. But i did it anyway.
This is an album i’ve actually only done a handful of songs for, for these Metallica Fridays posts. i figured i would break my six month fast from playing drums, with playing songs from this album. There are a few mistakes made (but what is new?), but it felt good to sit at the drums again.
The thing is, i was pretty excited to put the medley together, and i made it without reading the rules of the contest. There were several things i missed- for starters, i ended up covering every song, so the video was much longer than required.
With that, today’s post will be the medley, as this will perhaps be a good way to help me get back in the groove- no pun intended. i sincerely thank everyone who takes the time out of their day to peruse these posts (and/or actually watches the videos and reads the text). i hope this post is just as positive for you.
It has been four months since i’ve posted on here, and six months since i’ve made a Metallica-dedicated post. it’s also been a few months since i’ve regularly played music.
Some time in between then we had a basement flood. Fortunately nothing was damaged, but we still had to spend a bit of time moving things around, drying the floor, then putting everything back. Since my drum setup is slightly unorthodox, i had to try and remember where things went. While i put everything back where it originally was since i last played (for the most part), i’m still experimenting to see what works best.
i don’t know how many people play drums in a wheelchair, but it isn’t easy. Since my right knee doesn’t bend my amputated leg just sticks out (which i’m sure you have seen in videos here). i cannot sit on a ‘traditional’ drum stool, since with one leg i have absolutely no support. i am on the lookout for something that has arms or support on the sides, so my legs don’t get all cut up from the sides when i play in the wheelchair- when i forget to add support. ————————————————————————————————————————–
While i’m totally not yet completely set up in the ways i really want to be, i did want to get back on the drums. The first full song i played to commemorate the return was my favorite song on St. Anger– ‘Purify’. i actually did play drums to this song a couple of years ago… When i was initially trying to figure out how to play the song. i had an idea of what it sounded like in my head, but when i play it back i have no choice but to ask myself what that was. It wasn’t that good. And as critical i am (and will always be) of my playing, i have to say that there’s definite improvements in the two years since first playing the song.
But that’s what this website is about- a journey. i’m not the greatest player in the world, and i’m not even that great. What i am though, is doing something i love to do.
There’s so much i love about this song- the lyrical utilization of ‘turpentine’ as something analogous to the process of therapy; the 3/4 count of the verses (and James Hetfield’s counter-rhythm vocals), the verse riff, Bob Rock’s bass (which gets little to no credit at all); and of course, the groove, use of silence and swing in Lars Ulrich’s playing. People continually concentrate praise unto Lars for what he did with the first four albums. the man is my greatest musical inspiration, so of course i love what he does on every single album. That said, St. Anger contains some of the most adventurous playing he’s done in his entire life.
‘Purify’ is, from what i can see, one of Metallica’s most complex (or unorthodox) songs in their whole catalog. There are definitely songs with odd timings or switch-ups (based on what Lars is playing), such as ‘Orion’, ‘Battery’ and ‘Blackened’. Despite 3/4 not being an odd timing in general (it is essentially a waltz count), both the stop/start of the verses, plus the riff at the end make ‘Purify’ specifically unusual. This is not unlike what bands such as Helmet (another one of my favorite bands) have done, with songs like ‘Turned Out’, which is in 5/4. Lars is not as dynamic of a player as John Stanier (or Kyle Stevenson, Helmet’s current drummer)- Lars pretty much hits hard, and doesn’t do a lot of ghost notes, for instance. It’s clear though, that jazz has influenced Lars’ style on some level, something he does have in common with players like Stanier, or Brooks Wackerman. ————————————————————————————————————————–
i don’t in any way profess to be as good as Lars- firstly, he’s been playing way longer than me. Secondly, i have one foot, so playing the double bass that is needed for this song (and much of the catalog) is going to be impossible. Third, the foot and ankle that actually are functional aren’t the strongest, so i make other patterns with the kick that will (hopefully) compliment my physical limitations.
And while i’m in the middle of still sorting everything out post-flood, hopefully things don’t sound too bad.
(Thanks to Angelo for creating the visual at the end.)
i have never been a good singer, but i have always loved doing it.
Ever since i was a child, music was always in my system. i wrote my first song when i was 8 years old, and not too soon after that i was co-creating songs with my sister (who was a far better singer than i). The more i began to write and listen to music, the more i became attracted to harmonies and background singing, to the point i thought i wanted to do it professionally… even though i know i would never be hired.
i loved harmonies almost as much as i loved the drums. No matter the song or genre there was always, as the Buzzcocks song states, a harmony in my head (i will not let the irony slip that there’s a certain (popular) Bad Religion song with an uncannily similar bridge/middle 8 riff). It got to the point sometimes where i’d tune out the lead parts.
When Bad Religion came into my life as a teenager, it felt like a wonderland. Despite being an angry punk kid (screaming and ‘singing’ in punk and indie bands), and even as i agree with the sentiment that punk is a type of folk music; i’ve never been an aggressive singer. My vocals would probably fall more in line with a more ‘traditional’ folk sensibility. i always wished i could scream like the greatest hardcore singers, or sing as smooth or effortlessly as Luther Vandross or Phyllis Hyman, but the universe did not deal me that hand. i’m not sure exactly what the universe gave me, but i deal with my limitations in the best ways i can. Like everything else in life. ————————————————————————————————————————-
Greg Graffin was the first person whose vocals i ever fell in love with (The second person is Mahmoud Ahmed). There are plenty of singers whom i’ve loved (and continue to love) over the years; however, it wasn’t a particular Bad Religion album, but their performance at the Olympic Auditorium in 1984 (which was the Flipside fanzine-released concert that i had a copy of on VHS as a teenager) that grabbed the depths of my heart. It was like, you could be a punk kid and not have to scream. Graffin’s vocals subsequently improved (obviously), but there was something in his vocals on that video that grabbed me- the occasional vibrato, or the penchant for utilizing harmony as a lead voice. There was the simultaneous roughness and vocal fry, with the warmth and musicality not common among his peers. i loved the songs (which is why i got the tape), but i was primarily fixated on the vocals- which is a rare occurrence for me, as i am more of a lyrics person than anything else.
Besides James Hetfield, Graffin is my favorite rock singer, if you can call him that. As a teenager i wasn’t aware of his choir training (or his other musical interests) as a youth, but in retrospect it’s easy to see the approach he utilizes as a vocalist stems from some of that training. When talking about range and dynamics, there tends to be a greater focus on belters or screamers. Very few people i’ve seen cover BR’s songs (including myself) don’t particularly have the range he has. ————————————————————————————————————————
In terms of figuring out what songs to do for this post… i couldn’t. It was too difficult. They have too many songs i love, so i decided to pay respect to their whole catalog: yes, including Into The Unknown, an album i absolutely adore. i do not care what Brett Gurewitz or anyone else says- this album is among the top 3 of my favorite BR albums. Not only was it (at least to me) an incredibly sincere response to the increasing violence and machismo in the punk scene, but it also symbolized a lot of what musically inspired them, even if those inspirations were not apparent on their first EP and album (Bad Religion and How Can Hell Be Any Worse?, respectively). The band should not be ashamed at all of that album. The rough production belied the great work that it actually is. It also birthed the trajectory of where the band’s harmonic sensibilities lie.
If the band’s albums collectively sounded consistently like the first one; as much as i love that album, Bad Religion certainly would not be one of my all-time favorite bands. They certainly do have a dependable formula which has contributed to their success (not unlike the Ramones or AC/DC); but as much as they’ve collectively derided the album over the years (Gurewitz in particular), it is the experience of Into The Unknown that led them to the path they decided to trudge, for better or worse. It is possibly with this understanding that they’ve played select songs from the album in more recent years (including a surprise 2021 performance).
Yes, i do have an original copy of this album, and i am very happy. It is an amazing album and no one can tell me otherwise.
While i love the band’s whole catalog (including the (again) second album, as well as all of the Atlantic Records period), i had to be a bit scientific in terms of what songs i chose. i combed through the catalog with the understanding that i could probably sing harmonies to every single one of these songs, but would i be able to sing the lead? What significance or impact do these particular songs have in my life, enough for me to want to do them? Could i make them the least bit interesting?
Like the last post, i decided to arrange many of the songs in F#m (F sharp minor), which was not that easy of a task, especially when utilizing the higher ranges of my voice. The only thing i can say is that i hope i was respectful.
The songs chosen for this medley were:
Anxiety (No Control)
Generator (Generator)
The Voracious March Of Godliness (No Substance)
Time And Disregard (Part III) (Into The Unknown– My favorite song on the album)
Million Days (Into The Unknown)
Only Entertainment (Generator)
The Handshake (Stranger Than Fiction)
What It Is (Stranger Than Fiction)
Pride And The Pallor (The Dissent Of Man)
Individual (Stranger Than Fiction)
God’s Love (The Empire Strikes First)
Recipe For Hate (Recipe For Hate)
The Profane Rights Of Man (The Age Of Unreason)
Pessimistic Lines (Suffer)
Inner Logic (Stranger Than Fiction– This album is probably also in the top 3 of my favorite BR albums, i seem to have done a lot of songs here)
Part II (The Numbers Game) (Suffer)
Kyoto Now! (The Process Of Belief– a top 5 BR song for me)
Don’t Sell Me Short (The New America– This is in the top 3 of my favorite BR songs)
Get Off (Against The Grain)
Nobody Listens (The Gray Race)
Nothing To Dismay (True North)
Old Regime (The Age Of Unreason)
Vanity (True North)
52 Seconds (New Maps Of Hell)
After i compiled the songs and put them in the order i was going to do them, i played drums as a skeleton for the medley (versus the other post, where i did the vocals first). The medley consists of just me playing drums, and doing a bunch of vocals (i’m not as great of a singer as Greg Graffin, but i hope it’s again, respectful to the band and their wonderful albums).
If you are an appreciator of Bad Religion, you perhaps noticed that the medley above contained every album except for the first- and you would be correct, because i decided to do full band covers of a couple of songs.
My favorite song from How Can Hell Be Any Worse? is actually ‘In The Night’, but for this post i decided to cover the classic ‘We’re Only Gonna Die’ (or its alternately named full title, ‘We’re Only Gonna Die (From Our Own Arrogance)’. For some reason i decided to make it extremely fast, so given i’m not that great at guitar as it is, i wasn’t even going to attempt to play it here. Instead, i just layered the track with two basses- one doing ‘regular’ bass duties, and the other plugged into a Big Muff. It also wouldn’t be a proper Bad Religion cover without a tribute to Graffin’s random pointing. i probably didn’t point enough, to be honest. i’m horrible.
(A lot of people talk about the Sublime cover of this song being the quintessential one. i disagree (homeboy)- the best rendition of this song (outside of the original) is the Biohazard cover… and not even that touches the original. Ironically, i played it as fast as the Sublime version.)
We shall round out this post with another top 3 song (and a fan/appreciator favorite), ‘Along The Way’. Considering this song to be “as close as (he) ever got to being religious,” Graffin wrote the lyrics in memory of his dear friend Tommy George. The song is up there with ‘Maureen’, my favorite Sade song. Both songs are simple, yet effective.
Both songs are close to my heart, and remind me of one of my closest friends, Barry Hampton, who physically transitioned in February of 2011. He was my rock in the midst of turbulence. i miss our late night conversations, and his moving through the world with an absence of fear. It’s difficult to develop solid/substantial friendships in this day and age (especially being an amputee), so i cherish every moment. After i recorded the song i said to myself, ‘i should have replaced ‘Tommy’ with ‘Barry”; the sentiment is still the same.
i also kept things to the double-layered bass, drums and vocals, but the Gibson 2019 SG tribute makes the briefest of appearances. i am in no way, shape or form Greg Hetson, so i’m not even going to attempt doing a Hetson-level solo. That said, i wanted to add a tiny bit of something, even if it’s not a mindblowing solo. And besides, it’s a BR cover; and putting the SG somewhere makes sense.
This post is dedicated to Derek and Andreas- i hope i did alright.
Every single member of Metallica has specific quirks that are associated with them. Rob (with his skateboarder style) has the ‘crab walk’ and stomp, Kirk lifts his arms up and smiles in between songs; he also has his beloved wah pedal. James, with his wide stance, sometimes shimmies. All of these things i love to see; that said, i always love watching Lars Ulrich when he plays. Getting up after every song, snapping and yelling “That’s right!” has definitely become a part of his personality, but i love watching him do that because (as seemingly the band’s biggest cheerleader) it’s as if every song is an accomplishment. This is inspiring to me as a person who plays drums, not only because Lars is my greatest musical inspiration; i have to also remember that even though i am not the greatest player, just getting to the drums (or any instrument) and playing is an accomplishment. Learning a song is an accomplishment, even if it’s not played in the same way as the original song.
Even learning that i am able to somewhat ‘decently’ sing the ‘crushing metal’ portion of ‘My Apocalypse’ (my favorite part of the whole Death Magnetic album- those lyrics are something i have actually experienced and survived) in a 1.5 speed a few times before totally messing it up is an accomplishment.
i always cherish moments like these, because they’re not always there- sometimes on the same day. Most days i learn to manage (where no one would even know if i’m in the middle of an episode), and some days it’s a chore to even get through the day.
i’ve spoken about my experience with depression on here quite a bit, as well as my connection with the 72 Seasons album. ’Too Far Gone?’ is a song i fell in love with instantly when i first heard it at the world premiere at the theater, as its lyrics spoke to me deeply:
I, I am tribulation Digging down to the bone I, I am agitation Never leaves me alone Keep on, push it along Don’t want to feel this Sink in, start to believe That I don’t exist
You’ve begun to spend your life internalizing so much of the trauma you experienced in life on some level, even if you’ve healed from the surface of it. Sometimes you self-medicate; sometimes you harm others, and sometimes you harm yourself. As you identify with this trauma (whether consciously or not) you consider yourself to be at the point where you can’t be redeemed, and you just live with it. ’Too Far Gone?’ reads as a cry for help on one level, and a prayer on another level (as several songs on the album do). 72 Seasons is perhaps Metallica’s best sequenced album- this song is followed by ‘Room Of Mirrors’– and ‘Too Far Gone?’ reads as a perfect meditation on finding the will to experience one more day, even if your brain and body are telling you the opposite.
Never too far gone I’m never too far gone to save I can make it through the day
Make it through the day
Just for today
While i have always found connection with the song, it was not until September 14, 2023 when i was moved to tears.
The band premiered ‘Too Far Gone?’ months before at Metlife Stadium (the same place i had the opportunity to meet Rob, Kirk and Lars). Footage from this show ended up being used in a reworked video accompanying the song. In addition to this live footage were shots of Curitiba, Brazil-based Felipe Nunes, a young man who became a double-leg amputee as a child (due to a train accident). His skills developed as he initially used the board as transportation. Tony Hawk became one of his biggest supporters, and Nunes eventually represented as a member of the Birdhouse crew (which is led by Hawk).
When i watched this video (which was directed by Coan Buddy Nichols), i cried.
The video could have taken the ‘inspiration porn’ route, but it was incredibly smart not to. Far too many people who not move through the world as a physically disabled person look at someone like Felipe Nunes and say, ‘This man has no legs; I better stop saying I’m having a rough day, because look at him! He has it harder than I do, and he doesn’t let that stop him from being amazing!’ People mean very well when they say things like that, but there’s a fine line between admiration and condescension. It is okay to acknowledge we all have rough days, whether or not we have a disability.
The video was incredibly moving because it highlighted Nunes’ struggles, as well as his accomplishments. It highlighted him moving through the world as an amputee in an ableist society. Amputees (and other folks with apparent disabilities) tend to be thought of as ‘brave’ or ‘noble’ when simply getting through their day, or doing things they love. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone who is not disabled finding inspiration or admiration but again, there is a fine line. i cannot speak for everyone, but it feels incredibly patronizing when i’m considered to be ‘special’ just because i get out of bed and move through the day. It’s really not that special- in fact, it’s incredibly difficult to do sometimes. Quiet as it’s kept, it’s not too far along the spectrum as someone who says they don’t know if they would even be able to survive if they became an amputee.
The best thing to do are two things: talk to folks who have varying ranges of disabilities (both physical and non) to understand that not all experiences are monolithic, and advocate for building a society that is available to accommodate all bodies and needs.
As a person who skated in my younger days (and stopped in my 20s, which is still relatively early), the video had me once again missing skateboarding. One of my favorite moments in life is meeting Steve Olson, but i digress. The humanistic way in which Nunes was visually weaved into the narrative of the song (plus the band’s acknowledgement of folks in the deaf community (as they made ASL-themed videos of all their songs from 72 Seasons)) gives me a greater level of respect for the band.
i was in an incredible amount of physical pain playing this song (as well as the other song featured in this post), but i pushed through it. i accomplished it. And this is why i smile when i play, and every time i end a song.
Remember that we are never too far gone to ask for help, or reach out, no matter where we are in life, or what our physicality is like.
As anyone who regularly reads this blog knows (and thank you by the way); even though i love all the songs, the ones i choose to play for each post are those i’ve connected to in that moment. Lars once again was the inspiration for choosing to play ‘Spit Out The Bone’ here, the final song on …Hardwired To Self-Destruct. The sequence that opens and closes the song is one of my favorite Lars sequences/fills, and i’ve always loved watching him play on this song (and was incredibly happy to see the band do it at their 40th Anniversary show); but it’s always a song i struggled with, and (obviously) still do. That said, i’m a bit better at it than i was when i made attempts to play it last year. It was pretty bad. i don’t think Lars has ever been one to regularly practice rudiments; they admittedly are not something i practice every day, but i can tell you that getting some rudiments in has helped in being better at songs like this one. This song (as with many of the band’s songs) is not necessarily that easy to do with one leg (and an eternally swollen and weak foot/ankle on the remaining leg). As a person who is right handed i also had to learn to adapt and play similar to a left-handed player, as my right leg isn’t there. It is a whole new language that i am still in the process of learning and getting used to. Sometimes i think that situation is ‘too far gone’ (if you will), but i make due and work around it.
There are so many excellent sections of this song- too many to mention. Metallica songs are like mini books within themselves, with chapters that take you on a journey. One section i will mention is one of the riffs within the bridge… It is the riff that introduces the “Stop breathing/And dedicate to me” line. Amid the narrative of the catastrophe that unchecked technological advances can bring, there is this beautiful riff (and its harmonies) that moves me to tears.
So of course i played it on repeat, because that is what i do. And as i was listening and taking in its beauty i realized that there increasingly are riffs coming from Metallica that remind me of another one of my all-time favorite bands, Bad Religion. i’ve never heard Metallica citing Bad Religion (who laid the groundwork for skate punk and some iterations of pop punk) as an influence at all, despite them both being birthed in Southern California around the same time, and despite Kirk and James being heavily into skating in the 80s. Still, a few of the riffs and harmonies emerging from this later era of Metallica (specifically since Hardwired) don’t seem too estranged from, in my view, one of the greatest punk bands (and bands in general) to exist.
i am absolutely loving it, even if most folks (including the band) may not agree.
Aside from all that, i suppose this has turned into another ‘Thank you Lars’ post. He will never read this, but i still want to acknowledge how he has inspired me to find acceptance of the accomplishments, even if they’re not perfect. Because in all the moments of pain, i still accomplished something.
Currently, i am doing my best to find joy out of the things that make me happy; these things may appear small or insignificant to many, but they are things that keep my brain from going to undesired places- photographs of hands, a peanut in the mouth of the bluejay i saw yesterday; cats… Anything with cats.
And of course, playing music. Sometimes though, your brain is in another space as you are trying to play, and you just cannot seem to get anything right. This post is about one of those days.
If you’re new to this blog, welcome! One thing you must know is that every post i make is about a journey, and not every one is going to be perfect. i am far from the greatest musician, and i make a lot of mistakes; but playing music is definitely one of my ‘happy places’.
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It is amazing that we are at 35 posts, regarding this journey i’ve taken in learning (and playing) Metallica songs to the best of my ability. There are players far superior than me in general (so really, an extra thank you for taking time out of your day and checking out this site)- and despite whatever criticism he gets, Lars Ulrich’s style is not as easy as people think it is. You may be able to ‘play the part’, but he has a particular accent in the drummer’s language that isn’t easy to imitate. While not the most complex, he is one of the most musical drummers i’ve heard, not unlike many a jazz drummer (which i’ve mentioned several times on this site). i think one of the reasons why Metallica is so connective as a band, is because so much of what they do is based around percussion and rhythm. As much as i love Kirk Hammett’s solos and leads (as well as his rhythm work, which he doesn’t get enough credit for), it wasn’t until i began playing their songs on the drums, when i really began to listen to what James Hetfield (as the rhythm guitarist) was actually doing…. because i ended up playing to what he was doing, both on the guitar and vocals. As his style is very percussive, it has been very helpful.
While he is my greatest musical inspiration (and while there are a few cues i use), i don’t particularly play like Lars. i don’t think the point should be to play like him. The more i make these posts though, the more i appreciate why Lars does what he does.
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A few days before this post (December 3) i received notification reminding me that i saw Metallica 32 years ago, in Buffalo, New York. It was the first leg of the Wherever We May Roam tour; i had just turned 15, my favorite song in the whole world at the time was ‘Battery’, and my favorite album was Master Of Puppets. While i very clearly remember some things that occurred at that concert and throughout the night; a lot of it has become a blur to my 47-year old brain. One thing i do remember is the scream i let out when ‘Battery’ came on during one of the three encores. i could have exploded of happiness the moment i heard that opening riff, but i guess i would have missed the song if that happened.
In commemoration of the excitement i felt at that moment 32 years ago- marking it as one of the first ever concerts i’ve been to as well- i decided to play ‘Battery’ on the TAMAs. It’s honestly one of my favorite songs to play on the drums. It’s also got my favorite ever Lars Ulrich fill of all time, which he does variations of several times in the song.
The posts i do are inspired by the songs i am emotionally connected to at the moment, and vice versa.
Within the past week i was listening to ‘Chasing Light’, and i began to cry. i had a similar emotional connection to it upon first hearing it at the theatrical world premiere. It particularly resonated with me this week, because i’ve been struggling internally in ways that aren’t easy to discern right now. Living with depression is much easier when you can trace a particular source of the episode, because you are better able to manage it.
Like many of their songs, this one also can have various interpretations, depending on the listener. For me, it reads doubly as a message regarding both the material and immaterial. It works as a gospel song (for those who turn to a higher power (whether they are called God, Allah, Yahweh, etc.), or the wisdom of the ancestors for guidance). It also works under the utilization of music as a tool and force for healing. i see it as a sibling song to ‘Lux Æterna’ in a way.
In the material sense, i see it as James Hetfield being a little less internal with his writing; it is a little connection in understanding that there have been so many alongside his own journey who have also struggled just as he has, whether they be friends, acquaintances or appreciators of his art. If he can’t speak to everyone personally, ‘Chasing Light’ is his message of encouragement during those troubling times.
Chase that light, lean on me Face that fight, lean on me Catch your fall, lean on me End it all, lean on me Struggle on, ’cause without darkness Without darkness, there’s no light
i also see ‘Chasing Light’ as an unspoken number 4 in the ‘Unforgiven’ series.
Ooh, lost his way through wicked streets But he is someone’s little boy Oh, all the love a young one needs Thoughtless elders have destroyed
It is destroyed He’s just a boy
Healing from trauma (whether child or adult-oriented) is a lifetime of work. No one should ever do it alone.
This song is a perfect example of how percussive James’ playing is. There are things in this song (which was co-written by Kirk) that were accented; while Lars played it pretty straight on some parts, i followed the guitars.
While this song resonates with me on a spiritual and emotional level, my brain somehow did not receive the message. Whenever i’d press record, something would go wrong: there was the time i recorded a pretty decent take on video but forgot to record the drums; the end of the video cut out at the end (like you see in the video below); i played the song over and over and could not seem to get it right- but of course when the record button was off it was better. It’s just another chapter in the book called my life. It could be a case of the universe not wanting me to do the song, no matter how helpful the song is to me in this time.
i cannot tell you. i decided to post this anyway, even with all the glaring mistakes. Because this is a journey. An imperfect journey with an imperfect body. A body with a currently aching back, one leg and a weak remaining foot with edema that plays the kick drum. In the darkness of my brain, there is light in the music.
This is the day many have been waiting for- the official release of the new album, 72 Seasons. jesse and i attended a global audiovisual event, held in 80 or so countries. While i am still processing the album i can say this- the album, to me, is the work (on the self and with each other) done since St. Anger. St. Anger depicted the immediacy of the struggle; 72 Seasons is a much more mature, vulnerable reading of said struggle. Sonically, it’s filled with wonder and beauty. It’s got more harmonics than any other Metallica album i’ve heard. Lyrically it’s emotionally devastating. There was so much i identified with, as i closed my eyes and just took in the music.
Interestingly, i think i may have been the only one there to sing, dance, bop around and headbang. These songs were too great NOT to.
Now that i have finally heard the album in full, listening to the songs on their own just seems a bit empty. i feel like the songs are realized in a fuller way as a whole. St. Anger (one of my favorite albums of all time) is vulnerable in a pummeling way (channeling the immediacy of a mental health struggle (as well as an acknowledgement of struggles with addiction); while the mental health struggles and internal conversations are still there; 72 Seasons is vulnerable in a more pensive, mature way. There are definitely songs i teared up at while taking them in for the first time at the event, but something tells me i’m going to cry hard, similar to how i did so for the title track.
…And the title track is where we are for this week’s post. i am tired right now (and still processing), but i did want to make this quick post. The band definitely looked to their primary influences (as well as their own albums) for inspiration, but nothing sounds derivative or uninspiring. Metallica have nothing to prove at this stage of their lives, but they continue to find ways to connect.
It’s very rare to think that an album in someone’s latter half of their catalog is among the best of what they’re done. i can say for certain that 72 Seasons is just that.
The universe speaks again… i mean, it always does; the question is, do i listen or not.
As i was prepping to do this post something told me to re-look at Metallica’s 2009 Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame appearance. Flea (bass player with the red Hot Chili Peppers) gave a moving speech, in a ‘Crash Course In Brain Surgery’ t-shirt. “When I hear Metallica I get this feeling that they are doing something that they have to do. Like there is this thing in them wound up so tight they have to let it out, let that thing uncoil; it has to be released. An infinite well of sadness, a hell of a lot of pain and anger; but mostly, a lot of love for the process that they have created for releasing this stuff.” He continues, “Whatever gets thrown at them, they persevere, and they get stronger. They are a family.”
i honestly feel like this applies more to Metallica now, than it did even in 2009. i mentioned this in the last post, but i really do think they have honed in their purpose, which is, being a vehicle for connection- music just happens to be the particular vehicle they do it in. They have been through a lot of trauma, grief and pain. they have also acted out in ways that have not been the most healthy. Through a lot of conscious work they have been able to utilize their gift(s) to share with the many others who have experienced that as well. To me, it’s a bit deeper (and more spiritual) than just writing and performing a ‘Fade To Black.’
i have written about this before; however, i am thinking about it during this more current life experience. i moved into a new house; in it, we have been able to create a proper space to play music in. The room is called:
Because of course it is.
It feels really good to have a proper set of drums. Though i have played drums in several bands, i have never had a(n acoustic) set of my own. Playing an acoustic set as an amputee (versus a smaller electric set) when your amputated leg doesn’t bend all the way is NOT easy. My leg is just hanging out there, with no real support. Because of this situation i also have the drums set up differently.
The crash cymbal is much closer to me, on my left. The floor tom, i alternate between my left and right sides. The snare is farther to the right side, as i use my left foot for the kick. Despite being right handed (and have used to have played that way before the accident), i now play more like a left handed person. i had been experimenting with various ways i could set up the drums, and this is the way that’s made me happiest to play. This post is the first time i’ve recorded drums on this set, so i am still in experimentation mode. The rack tom definitely could have been mic’d a bit lower. There’s also variances in the kick, since my left foot is seemingly eternally swollen, and is not at its strongest state.
Referring to Cliff Burton’s time on earth, Flea (as part of the induction speech) said, “The worst tragedy that could ever happen to anyone- my opinion, is that when they die they never sang their song that was inside of them; they never gave the gift that was inside of them. But the beautiful opposite of that is that if you pass away, and you know that you sang your song, you gave your gift… that is the greatest accomplishment that I could ever hope for anybody.”
Despite any mistakes i made in these posts (and i made a few here), i choose to keep them in because not only is it all a learning process, but it’s also a fully human process. i have to remind myself sometimes that i survived being ragdolled by a semi truck. An 18 wheeler. Making mistakes on the drums (or any other instrument) is the LEAST of my worries in comparison. Life is hard as it is; if i lived my life hiding my process because i made a few (or more) mistakes, i’d be purposefully depriving myself of my own growth.
Clearly i don’t have the same platform as Metallica; that said, my hope is that i can share this experience of doing the best i can do with whatever physical limitations i have- and it will perhaps inspire others to ‘sing the song that’s inside of them,’ no matter how many mistakes.
i figured it would be fitting to play to a couple of songs released since our last post, from the upcoming album, 72 Seasons. These songs mean so much to me, for the reasons i stated in general on this site, and on the last and current posts. The second song released publicly from this album was ‘Screaming Suicide’. James Hetfield during live performances had been speaking openly during the middle section of ‘Fade To Black’, and giving words of encouragement to people who are either experiencing ideation, and/or have been impacted by it in some way. He would exclaim, “You are not alone!”
‘Screaming Suicide’ echoes the same sentiment in song form. Seemingly discussing the feelings of hopelessness that ensues when inundated by social media:
Craving dopamine Then my voice appears Teaching you of fears Are you good enough? You don’t recognize Head is full of lies You should just give up
Right on down to the usual ideation (which is more of what i experience, since i don’t have social media accounts):
Curse another day Spirit locked away Punish and deprive Hate to be awake Living a mistake More dead than alive
Terrified in sleepless nights Caught in spotlight dead to rights Isolate and fight your mind Telling you you’re left behind
This song appears to finally name what has been, up to this point, the ‘Unnamed Feeling’:
And now you speak my name You’ve given back the blame Keep me deep inside Don’t you keep me inside Screaming suicide
Even in the song’s description, Hetfield says this. “‘Screaming Suicide’ addresses the taboo word of suicide. The intention is to communicate about the darkness we feel inside. It’s ridiculous to think we should deny that we have these thoughts. At one point or another, I believe most people have thought about it. To face it is to speak the unspoken. If it’s a human experience, we should be able to talk about it. You are not alone.”
The song is very cathartic to play, in particular because i have experienced throughout my life the very thing the song discusses. i could be happy one day, and it suddenly and unexpectedly shows up. Fortunately i’ve gotten better at recognizing what to look for when i see the beginning stages, but i still have yet to prepare for the moment of an actual breakdown happening. It’s a thing i wish onto no one.
i do not know if any of the members of Metallica have experienced first hand what the lyrics entail; i can guarantee (especially based on Hetfield’s speeches during ‘Fade To Black’) that they have been impacted by it in some way, either through people close to them, or fans describing their experiences. i am certainly grateful and appreciative for the song.
(There’s a couple of seconds of no video towards the middle/end; sometimes, one file stops and starts another one. That’s what you see.)
The next song, ‘If Darkness Had A Son’ makes me happy because if my suspicions are correct, this is a direct reference to the infamous Presidio sessions, in preparation for what became the St. Anger album. ‘Temptation’ was a song James Hetfield was fighting for to be on the album, and it seems like he got his wish, 20 years later. While indeed it does make me happy (because… St. Anger), this song seemingly hearkens to a more recent rehabilitation stint Hetfield took in 2019. While this is sad, i am happy he made the decision to do it, for his health- mental, physical or otherwise.
Like many Metallica lyrics, my guess is that this song can be interpreted in various ways as well.
Return again to where it’s darkest Dragging home this heathen harvest And all the children subjugated Manipulated, propagated
If darkness had a son, here I am Temptation is his father If darkness had a son, here I am I bathe in holy water
It could be referencing struggles with alcohol (or other addictions); it could also be referencing the struggle one has with repeating the behaviors of their father/parent(s). This song could also be the potential accompaniment to the Unforgiven trilogy- The Un4given, if you will:
The beast still shouts for what it’s yearning He stokes the fire, desire burning The never-ending quenchless craving The unforgiven misbehaving
Has that ‘light of golden treasure’ steered him off his path to the point of falling into the arms of temptation yet again? One can only guess.
With this song, it’s obvious i cannot physically play a double bass (though i do have a double pedal… One day i will get there), so i play the song in my own way, as usual.
i am just grateful that Metallica are still producing songs that have such meaning, where so many can connect with.
(At the end, you hear jesse… He didn’t see the sign that i was recording, and walked in. i didn’t see him until the end of the song. We both got a good chuckle out of it. He really likes Metallica, but he got into them a bit more recently (we went to the 40th together), and he’s not as hardcore about it as me.)
i should be getting myself ready to go to Florida (where we’re going to go see Metallica honor Marsha and Jon Zazula (who as noted in past posts were the folks who assisted the band in a major way, with the formation of Megaforce records)). i’m sure it will be a bittersweet time for them, as they reminisce and trace their roots. i anticipate having a great time, and losing my voice, screaming my heart out, along to whatever songs they do.
As i am in the middle of packing and preparing, i figured i’d post a little something, as it’s been a while. There have been many things going on in life- not wholly negative, don’t worry- and i haven’t had a lot of energy or opportunity to focus on posting. Soon enough we will return to the regular posts though. As for now, i hope you enjoy these today (and any other posts)! i certainly enjoy doing them, and i hope they make you smile. Perhaps it will inspire you to create in whatever ways give you joy.
The first post we have is my take on the premiere live performance of one of my favorites on Metallica (aka The Black Album), ‘The Struggle Within.’ Its premiere occurred in Prague, Czech Republic, on May 7, 2012. While greatly inspired by Lars (because… of course), i did put a bit of my own spin on it.
i do not in any way, shape or form profess to be that great of a drummer, but i also like to challenge myself in ways- that’s how you get better.
There are folks out there who combine particular songs with particular eras of the band, and they have this ability to capture little nuances of said eras, such as tone. One of these creators is Bryce Barilla, and he made a couple of versions of one of my favorites, ‘Trapped Under Ice’ in the spirit of …And Justice For All. i do have a version here i made a while back, where i played the bass. However, i play drums here, to the initial rendition he did of the song. As i said, i am not that great of a drummer; i cannot play that fast, consistently for 3,4 minutes, in the way the song needs. So i did it my way, and still (at least to me) kept a bit of the spirit of the original song. Also, in the spirit of Ride the Lightening i added a massive layer of reverb.
This post is covering several eras; right here we will have the opening track of my favorite Metallica album, Load: ‘Ain’t My Bitch’. While the word bitch tends to be used pejoratively in many cases, if i felt it was used in a way to demean women i in no way would post (or even listen to) the song. That said, i understand how and why some could be uncomfortable with it. It’s not even a word i use. i take the song though, given the context of the lyrics to simply mean, ‘Ain’t my problem.’
The song opens with one of my favorite things in the world pertaining to music- a slight rhythmic illusion. i always hear the opening on a different count than it actually is, because it ends on the final phrase of the riff. The song also ends with it, plus the first note that opens the riff. There were two bits during the bridge that weren’t that great (there were a couple of seconds of the video that went dark, and i kind of messed up on the drums), but the point of this site is to chart the journey, mistakes and all.
Finally, we now have the song that hooked me into the Metallica experience at the age of 14- ‘Battery’. i think that was probably my favorite song of all time back then. It also has my favorite Lars Ulrich fill of all time. i have drummed to the album version, as well as the Seattle ’89 version… Now we have the version from the November 17, 1986 performance at Aichi Kinro Kaikan in Nagoya, Japan. i absolutely love drumming to this song, mistakes and all.
Until we meet again (and hopefully that will be soon), i hope you enjoy the post.
It has been some week… i was pretty wiped out from getting a booster (which will be helpful since i’m actually going to see Metallica next month- Wheeeeeeeeee); i also was pretty busy with meetings and organizing work, where i wasn’t able to get a post in. Also… My brain since the accident randomly decides to shut down, and there’s points where i don’t seem able to do things in effective ways. It’s also much more difficult to understand, for example, group chats, in the way i used to be able to. i am wondering if this is a latent effect of a concussion.
So of course, there are times when i’m playing instruments, and i will get really extreme brain farts, despite me playing the same part a minute prior. Playing music and writing have been really helpful for my brain’s activity. Thinking about all of this sometimes gives me massive depression; i am definitely grateful to the universe that i am still able to process things as much as i can, and that i didn’t suffer as much damage to my brain as i could have.
That said, we are still here, and i guess there will be two ‘Metallica Fridays’ posts this week. Given that i hadn’t done any songs from the ‘Ktulu’ series yet, i figured i’d just put them all together.
Though i am aware of the legend of Cthulhu (primarily from Metallica, as well as some friends who were fond of the writings of H.P. Lovecraft), i always avoided any writings because of the author’s massively racist history, which friends of mine who enjoyed his writings struggled with (he infamously called a cat friend of his a certain racial epithet). While his views (very) slightly shifted towards the end of his life after the nazi rise to power (as well as whatever KKK fallout occurred at that time); looking into it though, his politics were still massively problematic. In the latter part of his life (the dude died in 1937), he still held massively anti-African and anti-Jewish beliefs. In a letter to Catherine Lucille Moore (dated 1936), he still believed in the concept of “biological inferiority” and the “sub species”. i know that many people tend to separate the art from the artist, regardless of how problematic the artist is. i listen to lots of music where the artists don’t necessarily share the same ideological framework as i do… however, there is a fine line i do have, when it comes to art, and racism is one of them.
Despite the fact that Lovecraft died believing in the pseudo-science of racial superiority on some level; the songs Metallica got out of his writings are quite good, so i guess i will stick with that. Just to make this easier, we will go chronologically.
‘The Call Of Ktulu’ is the first in the series, the final song hailing from 1984’s Ride The Lightning. As usual, i had a particular idea how i wanted to do this song, and it ended up as a whole different thing. Also as usual, the drum was the skeleton for the rest of the song. The keys came next, then bass, then guitar. i play guitar, but i am in no way, shape or form a guitarist… But i won’t say i’m a bassist or keyboardist either! Am i a drummer though? That’s up to you to answer.
i didn’t listen to the song at all while crafting this cover- so while the theme is obviously similar, it has a different feel. i’ve heard the song enough times to know how it goes, heh heh… It is always interesting to create something from memory, from scratch.
(Drums, keys, guitar and bass are all by me. The intro is by nature.)
‘The Thing That Should Not Be’ (from 1986’s Master Of Puppets) is the PERFECT Lars Ulrich song, and i took advantage of that. While he certainly is notorious for doing fills all over the place, i honestly don’t think he does as many as people joke about- at least not on record. The China cymbal is another story…
i honestly love his style (as most people who read this site know), and he is a major inspiration for what i do. His style is often imitated, but never duplicated. Really, NO ONE drums like the guy. That said, ‘Thing’ is fill city, for sure (just as songs like ‘Wherever I May Roam’ are). So of course i took that opportunity to just visit and chill in fill city. and even so, i still probably didn’t do as many fills as Lars. ‘Thing’ is a great Cliff Notes (no pun intended) edition of the Cthulhu/Ktulu legend. Metallica, as i keep saying, can write dope songs in their sleep.
‘Dream No More’ (from 2016’s Hardwired… To Self Destruct) is my absolute favorite of the ‘Ktulu’ trio. It is also my 24th favorite Metallica song of all time. The song is massively slept on, and goes hard. As the album is more of a nod to their NWOBHM roots, ‘Dream’ has got a Sabbath influence all over it. The pre-chorus riff, as well as the intro/bridge/almost end riff are among my favorites in their whole catalog. i mean, this whole song is filled with excellent riffs thoughout.
If i could only write a riff this good…
Interestingly, my primary influence for drumming this song is not Lars, but Stevie Wonder.
A day late, i know… This week had been building up in ways that are hard to explain. People ask how you are, and you don’t know how to answer. Nothing of note is tragically horrible in your life, but you just feel a particular inexplicable way.
Then all of a sudden, it happens. As you feel things building you work to manage it in whatever way you can, and it still hits you like a ton of bricks.
i wish depression on no one. The unnamed feeling is very real.
i still wanted to make a post though, despite being in the throes of depression. Sometimes that actually helps me to feel better. In preparing for this post, parts of it certainly helped me to feel better, but honestly, parts of it didn’t. Parts of it, i cried.
This site is an exploration of all things: the improvements and the mistakes, the happy and the not-so-happy. i tend to write about these things, but i never film it.
As you may know (if you’ve been following this site), i tend to post songs that i am particularly feeling, or inspired by at the moment. ‘The House Jack Built’ has been on my mind for a while. It’s also my 12th favorite Metallica song of all time. i tend to have no problems listening to it, nor does it trigger my depression. For some reason, the song spoke to me this week in ways it hadn’t before.
Growing up with a mother who had an alcohol addiction, and struggling with addictions of my own (which were pretty close to being triggered this week), the song speaks to me in that way. However, the song spoke to me this week, as if it was reading to be about depression itself.
Open my eyes just to have them close again Well on my way, but on my way to where I’ve been It swallows me as it takes me in its fog I twist away as I give this world the nod
Open my eyes just to have them closed once again Don’t want control As it takes me down and down and down again Is that the moon or just a light that lights this dead-end street? Is that you there or just another demon that I meet?
You fall into a pit you feel you can’t get out of, and sometimes you just wait and hope it goes away. You exist in the world and are functioning as a being, but there’s a whole other life lurking.
i chose to film this as i was in the deepest part of my depression at this moment. There were 50 million things going on in my head, and it was difficult to focus on even playing drums, but i did it. Any mistakes i made or anxiety i had, i just played through it all. There were a bunch of things coming up for me as i was playing, and that’s what you see on my face.
i already made songs inspired by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich (sortakinda), and i felt inspired to do a Kirk Hammett-themed song. It was a bit of a distraction from this recent episode i am experiencing.
While there were a couple of things i had in mind, as usual, what i first had in mind never ends up as the end result. i initially had a particular riff in my head, but i ended up using the drum as the base of the song, then writing the ‘lyrics’ (aka the clips) around the drums. Then i played the bass in a way which followed whatever Kirk was saying/singing. The drums were actually inspired by Lars (but what’s new?), and the bass lines were inspired by Public Image Ltd.
People who know me well enough (at least in relation to Metallica) know how much i absolutely love Kirk Hammett. Even though my first musical love was the drums (despite the guitar being the first instrument i seriously played), teenage me (and even adult me) always connected with Kirk- his shyness, his awkwardness and his passion for the things he loves. i did my best to capture those things with this song.
My favorite thing about this song though? The cats.
Because cats are the greatest beings to ever be on this earth. i love all animals (and have been a vegan for 28 years strong), but i am not ashamed to say that cats are my favorite ever people.
