So yeah… It’s been a time. Maybe Cliff Burton is looking down angrily and going, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!” But everything that could go wrong did indeed go wrong.

The battery on the laptop i was using to record died (so i had to go plug it in); the camera i was using was about to die if i didn’t plug it in. The snare kept falling so low to the point where it became impossible to properly play. The post that was holding the snare popped out. The trigger to the kick randomly went out- then it was fine. It was one thing after another. Things have definitely happened before, but it was a combination of so many things that i just wanted to cry and quit.

But i didn’t, and got through it, mistakes and all.

This experience really did put things in perspective though. i’m pretty open in my appreciation for Lars Ulrich- which, besides my connection to Metallica’s music over the years (and especially since being an amputee) is the reason i decided to do these ‘Metallica Fridays’ posts. i decided to, for some reason, search a few posts on why he is hated as a drummer by so many. i saw the usual ‘he can’t keep proper time/he’s boring/he’s too basic’ reasoning. i started thinking about it, and for a guy who is not classically trained (or hasn’t had much training at all, in comparison to other drummers), the dude is great. If he was a metronome, Metallica would not be the same band. Is the fact that he is not a metronome good for someone who wants to practice Metallica songs, and is literally just starting out on drums?

Absolutely not. There are some songs of theirs i’ve drummed to (including one i’m posting today), and it was clear he was not using a click track. i do practice with one on occasion, but you have to throw all of that away when drumming to a Metallica song, for real.

i know that saying Lars is the anchor for the band may sound strange (given that people negatively critique his drumming consistently), but it was very clear to be during the 40th anniversary shows that he was. Metallica is his baby, and he uses drums as a means to serve the rest of the music. i also love how, during the bridge of a song (or even a solo) one (or all) of the band would turn towards him, or go behind him. i’m sure it’s a way for all of them to keep time with each other, but it still looks like they are getting energy from the anchor. In 2008 he spoke about how the negative criticism bothered him at one point, and as a result he “spent a lot of time overcompensating for that on the early records. But then you wake up one day and you’re like, whatever. It hasn’t bothered me for about 15 years. I’m no Joey Jordison, I’m no Mike Portnoy, and I have nothing but love and respect and admiration for all those guys. When I hear some of the young dudes, they blow my mind with what they can do with their feet and stuff — but it’s not something that makes me go, ‘I need to feel better about myself so I’m gonna learn how to do what they do with my feet.’ I’m not a particularly accomplished drummer but I am very, very, very good at understanding the role of the drums next to James Hetfield’s rhythm guitar. I guarantee you I’m the best guy in the world for that, and that’s enough for me!”

He understands his limitations and respects those who are technically much better than him, and it’s something i deeply respect. To me, Lars is a ‘hero’ to those of us who are not technical, and ‘basic’. Of course you always want to get better, but you don’t want to beat yourself up over the fact that you aren’t on the level of some of your favorite drummers/guitarists/bassists/pianists/etc. either.

So as usual, even with all the imperfections, we have another edition of ‘Metallica Fridays’. Today we have my second favorite song on what was for 30 years my favorite Metallica album. ‘Master Of Puppets’ is my 3rd favorite Metallica song of all time, but my second favorite song on the album is ‘Leper Messiah’- the first favorite being ‘Disposable Heroes’. i definitely messed up towards the end, and came in a fraction of a second early a few times, but it’s all in the journey.

Now we have a song from the album that knocked Puppets out of the number 1 spot: ‘2X4’. While playing to this song i just kept saying to myself, Lars is a dope drummer. His style is more diverse than people give him credit for. Does he have particular staples (like the crash on the 2)? Of course! But no one Metallica album sounds the same, so he couldn’t survive on any of those albums if his style had no diversity. Go listen to Load and tell me Lars sucks.

The mishaps also happened during ‘Leper Messiah,’ but the bulk of them happened here (to the point i wanted to cry).

i hope i still did alright though.

i’m really not trying to make you mad Cliff. i promise.

i should start calling this ‘Metallica Saturdays’, if i keep this up!

Well, not really. Once again, there were a ton of technical mishaps, like the camera being in the incorrect configuration, computer freezes/crashes/battery death, totally losing parts of a recording, and so on. All of these things happened , and interestingly enough i began to think about Metallica. One of the reasons i appreciate them is because of how open they are in their imperfections. They stay making mistakes, and make fun of themselves about them. While they certainly don’t shy away from the occasional post-production fixxxing (see what i did there?), there’s plenty of evidence of ‘happy accidents’. And let’s keep it real: as celebrated as they were for the output in their ‘younger days’, a lot of those live shows were pretty sloppy… which is why it’s interesting to me that people attack them for any mistakes they’ve made in later years. They absolutely do make mistakes, but as a whole how they play now is far more refined, and less sloppy.

i also thought about this, because when you watch drumming videos people tend to not show mistakes. There are people who are excellent and barely make mistakes (if at all), but that can’t be EVERY person who produces content. The interesting thing for me in posting this content is not only watching my growth, but also recognizing common mistakes i may make, and figuring out how to make them better. One of my hopes is that someone who watches this (and is a drummer/bassist/etc.) could point out things i could do better.

So of course in the following posts i made some mistakes.

Of course.

Today is a shorter post.

Of course.

The first major mistake was erasing half the drum track. The camera (when filming) was in the correct position, but when i went to go edit it ended up being flipped sideways. i erased everything up to the bridge of ‘Master Of Puppets’. Master Of Puppets was actually my favorite Metallica album from the age of 14 up until this year, where Load knocked it out of the #1 spot. ‘Master Of Puppets’ was my second favorite song of theirs (after ‘Blackened’), until ‘One’ knocked it to number three. That said, ‘Puppets’ is by far, the greatest Metallica song to exist. It is the one song i would choose if asked what the one song by them someone should listen to. It’s absolutely got excellent lyrical content, but even without lyrics, the song takes you through an emotional journey. ‘Puppets’ is up there with ‘Home Is Where The Hatred Is’ in the pantheon of songs describing the journey of addiction.

The song also has my favorite James Hetfield solo…

For this one, the first portion of the video is me playing along with Lars, and the other portion (from the bridge on) is where i am playing. It was also the first time i drummed through the whole song in full (but alas, i erased the first half).

The next song is pretty appropriate, because i was struggling hard all day. i made a couple of mistakes here too, but you already know!

i’m trying to get my ‘Lars face’ right.

‘The Struggle Within’ is one of my absolute favorite songs on The Black Album (aka Metallica). It’s also one of the most fun to drum to.

Tomorrow- February 12- will mark the first year since being hit by a semi truck. It’s surreal to still think about the impact an accident of that sort has on one’s body. i’ve come to terms with much of it (i kind of don’t have a choice), but it’s still strange to think about. i don’t look at myself in full in the mirror much, and i i feel like i accept everything more, looking down at my legs every day. When i happen to see my reflection in random places, and see my full self sitting in a wheelchair it just doesn’t seem real. It’s like those legs (or what’s left of them) belong to someone else. i don’t even hate the body i am in. As a matter of fact, i am very happy to have survived such a traumatic event.

i cannot predict what is going to happen on this first ‘anniversary’ (for lack of a better word); i do know that Metallica has been a massive soundtrack in coping with this journey. Being a young, angry kid i gravitated towards the thrash classics. St. Anger was released when i was approaching 27, but had it come out when i was 16 i would have embraced it… though i would not have understood and appreciated it in the same way i do as a 40-something adult.

i am around the same age as when they recorded Death Magnetic. There is no manual that can prepare you for life in your 40s. i’m not even talking about the typical societal expectations of ‘spouse/house/career’. All the things you may still enjoy from a younger age just hit differently.

The songs i chose to post for today’s ‘Metallica Fridays’ session are just that.

Interestingly, these songs gave me the most trouble to do. Everything kept going wrong- there were issues with the headphones (one pair i was using kept falling out and eventually decided to malfunction as i was playing (making it hard to hear much of anything), the other pair kept falling as i was playing); the hi hat trigger decided to go in and out (which hadn’t happened before or since), the memory in the camera was full (because i forgot to empty it- my fault), i had to suddenly go to the bathroom in the middle of playing… and so on. i feel like the universe gave me the micro of challenges, possibly as a way to acknowledge the macro of the trauma i’ve experienced.

i messed up a whole bunch on these songs, but these songs mean a lot to me. So i’m posting the mistakes and all. All i know is that i survived.

i survived a massive change to my body, and i dealt with what ever issues were thrown my way with doing these songs.

While trying to heal from a trauma, you end up processing a lot of things. ‘The Unforgiven’ is a song that, despite always liking it, i didn’t understand its significance until in that very process. The foundation of how to deal with anything (whether positive or negative) exists in the relationships with those who were your caregivers. . After experiencing such a traumatic event, there are people who say they care about you (and have been close to you) who suddenly become silent and/or unsupportive. When one (or more) of those people were the foundation, you begin to ask a lot of questions of yourself. You ask if it’s something you did. Even though you love them you become angry and resentful.

Me playing this song is a way for me to adjust to a process of forgiving myself, and just allow whatever happens to flow through. Despite all the mistakes, this was entirely healing to do.

i had to think about it. ‘One’ is not only my second favorite Metallica song (‘Blackened’ is the first), but i think it might be my second favorite song of all time (after ‘Home’). i loved the song before (and even listened to it on repeat before the accident). As a person who lay there in the hospital, unable to move and in an immense amount of pain- and eventually having to amputate a leg- this song means so much more to me now. The anguish of the character of Joe Bonham in the book (and film) Johnny Got His Gun was captured succinctly in the lyrics. The plainness and directness encapsulated everything i was feeling and experiencing as well. While it wasn’t a landmine (or artillery shell, like in the book), a truck took my leg from me. i remember nothing about experiencing the actual accident (which is a good thing, if you ask me). i was happy to have survived, so i remained as positive as i could while in the hospital… but so much of the time, i wanted to die.

Nothing about it feels real at all. i wish this on no one.

But… but… how are you playing ‘One’ with only one foot??!! You CANNOT possibly leave out what is arguably the MOST memorable aspect of the song (out of many memorable parts)!!!

Yes, i know. i played the ‘double bass’ on the SPD-30. i kept most of the song simple- no major fills or complex footwork. But i knew i had to put the double bass in. i really wanted to do the song to… commemorate the year since the accident. The song got me through a lot.

i mean, Metallica got me through a lot.