Category Archives: amputee

Just Messing About…

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Just like how i would always look at the deejay at a hip hop show, i would always tend to focus on the drummer when going to see bands. i never became a turntablist, but i did end up deejaying at clubs and bars off and on for years (and also doing radio solidly for 11 of those years). You look at the hundreds of drummers over time, and some of those end up being your favorites. And you say to yourself, ‘i will never get there.’ But is ‘getting there’ really the point? You want to be able to have inspiration from your favorite musicians, but you should never want to BE them.

i have no idea why this thought was just in my head… It’s gonna take me a long time before i am ‘as good’ as my favorite drummers (or ANY of my favorite musicians). Still, i try to visualize the first time i sat in front of a drum set and somehow knew how to create a beat (after time and time again of air drumming and banging on random things). It still seems very unreal, sitting in front of a set and banging on things.

i mean… i’m not horrible. It could be worse right? But i’m also realistic. i will never profess to be the greatest basic drummer of all time. But you know what? Someday i will graduate to being alright.

As for now, i’m just gonna keep messing about, and keep practicing.

And i decided to mess about and play to one of my favorite songs by The Jam, ‘Going Underground’. Like any great song, the lyrics are always on time.

…Can’t explain why the drumming i do seek (and destroy)…

i actually mistakenly erased a bunch of the video, so you get a brief one here, of me playing to SWV’s ‘Weak’. It’s nothing too complex (obviously). This is a ‘why not??!!’ situation. Let’s have some fun and bang on things, making a beat or two.

Remember to sing along…

i actually love ‘This Charming Man’ more now after playing drums to it, because for some reason (after hearing the song 50,000,000 times over the years (and even having the record)) i didn’t realize it was missing an 8th. i mentioned a couple of posts ago how i absolutely loved rhythmic illusions; this isn’t necessarily a rhythmic illusion, but it is a thing that will mess you up and confuse you if you’re not paying attention.

The reason i bought all those Smiths records was honestly, Johnny Marr. He was the best at doing that jangly guitar (and was also inspired by great players like Nile Rogers). The rhythm section of Mike Joyce (drums) and Andy Rourke (bass) were pretty dope too.

i wanted to be funny and put some gladiolas here, because… you know who.

Metallica Fridays (no. 3): The Imperfections Of Life

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Tomorrow- February 12- will mark the first year since being hit by a semi truck. It’s surreal to still think about the impact an accident of that sort has on one’s body. i’ve come to terms with much of it (i kind of don’t have a choice), but it’s still strange to think about. i don’t look at myself in full in the mirror much, and i i feel like i accept everything more, looking down at my legs every day. When i happen to see my reflection in random places, and see my full self sitting in a wheelchair it just doesn’t seem real. It’s like those legs (or what’s left of them) belong to someone else. i don’t even hate the body i am in. As a matter of fact, i am very happy to have survived such a traumatic event.

i cannot predict what is going to happen on this first ‘anniversary’ (for lack of a better word); i do know that Metallica has been a massive soundtrack in coping with this journey. Being a young, angry kid i gravitated towards the thrash classics. St. Anger was released when i was approaching 27, but had it come out when i was 16 i would have embraced it… though i would not have understood and appreciated it in the same way i do as a 40-something adult.

i am around the same age as when they recorded Death Magnetic. There is no manual that can prepare you for life in your 40s. i’m not even talking about the typical societal expectations of ‘spouse/house/career’. All the things you may still enjoy from a younger age just hit differently.

The songs i chose to post for today’s ‘Metallica Fridays’ session are just that.

Interestingly, these songs gave me the most trouble to do. Everything kept going wrong- there were issues with the headphones (one pair i was using kept falling out and eventually decided to malfunction as i was playing (making it hard to hear much of anything), the other pair kept falling as i was playing); the hi hat trigger decided to go in and out (which hadn’t happened before or since), the memory in the camera was full (because i forgot to empty it- my fault), i had to suddenly go to the bathroom in the middle of playing… and so on. i feel like the universe gave me the micro of challenges, possibly as a way to acknowledge the macro of the trauma i’ve experienced.

i messed up a whole bunch on these songs, but these songs mean a lot to me. So i’m posting the mistakes and all. All i know is that i survived.

i survived a massive change to my body, and i dealt with what ever issues were thrown my way with doing these songs.

While trying to heal from a trauma, you end up processing a lot of things. ‘The Unforgiven’ is a song that, despite always liking it, i didn’t understand its significance until in that very process. The foundation of how to deal with anything (whether positive or negative) exists in the relationships with those who were your caregivers. . After experiencing such a traumatic event, there are people who say they care about you (and have been close to you) who suddenly become silent and/or unsupportive. When one (or more) of those people were the foundation, you begin to ask a lot of questions of yourself. You ask if it’s something you did. Even though you love them you become angry and resentful.

Me playing this song is a way for me to adjust to a process of forgiving myself, and just allow whatever happens to flow through. Despite all the mistakes, this was entirely healing to do.

i had to think about it. ‘One’ is not only my second favorite Metallica song (‘Blackened’ is the first), but i think it might be my second favorite song of all time (after ‘Home’). i loved the song before (and even listened to it on repeat before the accident). As a person who lay there in the hospital, unable to move and in an immense amount of pain- and eventually having to amputate a leg- this song means so much more to me now. The anguish of the character of Joe Bonham in the book (and film) Johnny Got His Gun was captured succinctly in the lyrics. The plainness and directness encapsulated everything i was feeling and experiencing as well. While it wasn’t a landmine (or artillery shell, like in the book), a truck took my leg from me. i remember nothing about experiencing the actual accident (which is a good thing, if you ask me). i was happy to have survived, so i remained as positive as i could while in the hospital… but so much of the time, i wanted to die.

Nothing about it feels real at all. i wish this on no one.

But… but… how are you playing ‘One’ with only one foot??!! You CANNOT possibly leave out what is arguably the MOST memorable aspect of the song (out of many memorable parts)!!!

Yes, i know. i played the ‘double bass’ on the SPD-30. i kept most of the song simple- no major fills or complex footwork. But i knew i had to put the double bass in. i really wanted to do the song to… commemorate the year since the accident. The song got me through a lot.

i mean, Metallica got me through a lot.

A Little Bit O’ Half Time… And A New Song (Sort Of)

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i ended up getting an Alesis Surge mesh kit. i am still figuring it out (of course), but it’s nice to have this along with the SPD 30, where i can make some extra patterns and sounds to compliment the Alesis. The hi hat pedal is open (echoing an acoustic set) so i had to put rubber bands on it in order to keep it closed (i only have one leg, so i gotta do what i gotta do). The other adjustment i made was to put the kick on the left side (because, you know, one leg and everything). i’m a below the knee amputee but my knee doesn’t bend so well right now. Whenever it gets to that point though i can use the prosthetic and eventually do some double kicks!

While i’m still new at playing around with this kit i ended up actually writing a song- well, sort of.

i am absolutely in love with rhythmic illusions- where a song is playing one rhythm and your brain is interpreting it to be another. It is fairly common in jazz and in the polyrhythms of traditional African music. In terms of popular music in the west, The Yellowjackets’ ‘Top Secret’, Metallica’s ‘Blackened’ and ‘Battery’; ‘Solitude Standing’ by Suzanne Vega, ‘Black Dog’ by Led Zeppelin are among some.

The first song i recognized as having a rhythmic illusion (despite hearing others in the past) is ‘Swap meet’ by Nirvana. i think the song begins on the 3 instead of 1 (Don’t quote me on that; i cannot read music and i am not great at tabs). i would always get mad (not really) when the drums kicked in, because they always ended messing up the beautiful rhythm in my head. Despite knowing the way the song is, i still see the ‘preferred’ rhythm.

And so i made a song around it. i also took the opening bass line from ‘Blew’ (also from Bleach) and pulled an Ulrich and Hetfield by arranging the drums as the primary driver to these particular riffs, then writing the lyrics last. It’s a silly little song about a cat- because cats are the best! Despite being inspired by Metallica (with a nod to Slayer) here, the song interestingly/unintentionally ended up sounding not unlike something Sonic Youth may have done.

You be the judge…

Thinking about all the songs i could have fun with, for some reason, one song did come up.

Y’all, tell me why it was ‘Billie Jean’? MJ is my favorite artist, but ‘Billie Jean’ is a song i’m okay with never hearing ever again. i said ‘Well, since you came up all in my face, why not switch you up?’ i envisioned something other than the very recognizable 4/4 ‘on the floor’ pattern. i messed around, and it ended up being mostly half time (which is kind of a running theme of this post. It also helped me enjoy the song a bit more. it just puts the song in a different space).

RUN DMC was my favorite group in hip hop as i was coming up. A simple beat could be one of the dopest, and Jason, Daryl and Joseph took inspiration from Billy Squire’s ‘Big Beat’ to create one of the most classic tracks with ‘Here We Go (Live At The Funhouse)’ (which many a hip hop, house and pop record have also sampled from themselves).

i love how Jam Master Jay (RIP) messed up a bit, and they kept it in. That threw me off as well, but i came back in. i hope.

One thing i do know is that i can’t count. HA!

You can consider me hiding under a rock, because i hadn’t heard all of ‘Seven Nation Army’ until i played drums on it. It’s pretty easy to see how not familiar i was with the song, but i went for it anyway. i know that Meg White is also a pretty basic drummer, so i’m just going along with her for the ride to the land of basic drummers. i’m just going where i am wanted.

Or am i? i didn’t get an invite.

Playing drums on it, i only heard all of the drumless version. So i still technically have not heard the actual song in full. What i did hear of the song, i know it’s more of a 4/4 rhythm. So i decided to play around with the half time as well (as you do)…

i hope i did alright though.

Metallica Fridays (no. 2): Jonny Z And First Plays

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So here we go… As promised, since Metallica/Lars was the inspiration to get me back here on these drums, i wanted to have a specific day where i just posted playing to their songs. How i play is very basic, so in a way i was scared to even cover their material- i don’t play double kick, and i don’t do complex rhythms, at least at this stage. But still… how you do things is to just do them, and get better despite whatever limitations. i have one leg (which, even though i have accepted it still bugs me out to say), and the foot on the existing leg (which permanently has pins and rods) isn’t the strongest. So every time i play i am surprised! Whatever mistakes or hits i make, i’m still happy i am alive and get to bang on stuff.

As i was figuring out what songs to do for this post i heard that Jon Zazula (the co-founder of Megaforce Records, along with wife Marsha) passed. Jonny Z was the one who championed for Metallica when other labels weren’t into them. So of course, ‘Hit The Lights’, the first song Metallica ever recorded (for the Metal Massacre compilation); and the first song released on the first album (Kill ‘Em All) was the first choice to play to. It’s actually one of my favorite songs to play drums to.

i wanted to play another Megaforce track, and at the same time challenge myself- so i said… ‘Creeping Death’! No, it is not the most complex song on Ride The Lightning; however, i had never practiced or played it in its entirety before. i’m just doing a lot of experimenting. What you are seeing here is me playing it through in a first take for the first time, warts and all.

Interestingly, the ‘Guitar Hero’ versions to some of these songs are a bit different than the album versions, in terms of arrangement…

‘Fuel’ is a perfect example of where my limitations lie, and how i work around them. No wait… that’s ALL the songs!

Honestly, even though i love them all (and i say that unironically), the Load/ReLoad/St. Anger period is some of my favorite drumming from Lars. Load is actually my favorite Metallica album. The musicality, the lyricism, the production- they are all on point.

This is an incredibly fun song to play, and it’s even more fun to see it live! ‘Fuel’ to me is like, the Metallica version of Michael Jackson’s ‘Speed Demon’. Both awesome songs.

And of course, being a St. Anger fanboi, i wanted to do a song from it. Lars was putting in work on that album- don’t sleep. Should Kirk have had solos on it? Yes. Absolutely. Does the snare sound bother me? Not as much as it does other people. Should Bob Rock be considered a ‘hero of the day’ for his work on that album? Indeed. He stepped back in his primary role as producer, and became a member of Metallica, even if for an album (as well as some other sessions, and live performances). The whole album tells a specific story (some of which ‘invisible kids’ like me can identify with), and i appreciate that.

Honestly, it’s one of the Metallica albums i listen to the most. And again, i love all their albums.

Hopefully down the line- sooner than later, the album will be seen for the greatness it actually is.

Wherever you go Mr. Zazula, say hi to Cliff for us.

The Memories Come Flooding Back…

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i was listening to El Estepario Siberiano speak about his experience as a drummer, and reaching the point between just doing it as a hobby, and doing it because he wanted to be a DRUMMER. He showed his experiences over the course of six years (beginning at the age of 16) and he spoke about how horrible he was as a drummer at that age. Obviously in six years’ time he got much better (and even saying that is an understatement), but from my vantage point those videos he showed were excellent.

And while i am definitely doing this as a way to have fun (as well as a means to counter a mental health crisis as much as i can) listening to him was inspiring. Whether it’s playing an instrument or organizing, in order to get better at anything you must be open to making mistakes and learning from them. You have to be accepting of the fact that there’s no easy or quick solutions to being ‘good’ at anything.

But before any of that there must be a first. i asked myself… what song have i not done before that i can try out?

‘Hedgecore’. Operation Ivy. Because why not? The one other song i have played to by them was ‘Hoboken’.

And because i hadn’t done it before i didn’t even do any fills here. Aaaaaaaaaand i mess up a few times. i think i did it only two times before it got filmed here. Dave Mello’s style is NOT easy- at least for a basic drummer like me.

Maybe in six years i’ll finally get this one (smiles).

The first song i ever learned on the drums from The Clash (Operation Ivy’s obvious inspiration) was ‘Clash City Rockers’. i had the U.S. pressing of the first album on vinyl, and ‘Rockers’ was the first song on that edition- i didn’t hear the UK edition until some months later. i was aware that the song was pitched higher, but that (nor the not that great production) didn’t stop me from enjoying the song.

i end up having an unintentional duet with Topper Headon here.

Time for a bass break… i wanted to post me playing bass alongside some stuff, but unlike the drums i haven’t set anything up in terms of a mic (in order to capture some decent direct sound). i did plug the Spark amp directly into the computer, but it was a plug and play situation (meaning, whatever background noise is there, you’re gonna hear).

But in the meantime in between time, i felt like playing a little ‘Boris The Spider’, which is one of my favorite things to play on the bass right now. i’m not that great, but what is it?

I’M HAVING FUN! i played it very much not how John Entwistle plays it, and i wasn’t playing along with the record. The bass line more or less follows the vocals, so it’s a little easier to play (for a basic… wellllll… you know what i mean).

Back to drums… The first Prince song i ever heard was ‘Soft And Wet’ (yes i was one year old when that song came out, but it’s strange, the things one remembers at that early an age). The first songs i remember in TOTAL though (even though i was about to turn 3), was ‘I Wanna be Your Lover’ and ‘Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad’. i remember when he was on American Bandstand with the (first incarnation of the yet to be named) Revolution. He had a blowout and some speedoes on. It was the first time i ever recall someone trolling (as the kids say) on the teevee.

i remember how they used to play the full version of the song on the radio (with the jam), despite the video (and any subsequent compilation entries) being only 3 and change minutes. ‘Mountains’ (from Parade) was the first song where i began to appreciate Prince, but ‘I Wanna be Your Lover’ was the first song where i thought he was cool. i think it was the jazz phrasing in the verses.

And finally… i remember seeing Ministry live around the age of 15. It was one of the most brutal pits i have ever been in in my life. i loved it. ‘Thieves’ came on- anything else you were doing before then, you could forget about it. i know they got pegged under the ‘industrial’ label, but to me they are a metal band with ‘industrial’ references (that is, if you don’t count the first three albums). i mean, they ended up even touring with Slayer on Slayer’s farewell tour. If the music wasn’t sample-laden they’d probably be called a thrash band.

i know much of the focus is on Al Jourgensen (for obvious reasons, and to a lesser degree Paul Barker) but i used to always watch drummers Bill Rieflin and Martin Atkins. Rieflin was the anchor to keep things steady, and Atkins was the jolt. i met Rieflin very briefly some years before his passing, where i told him he was a great drummer. He said ‘thank you.’ That was all.

The Beginnings… And The End

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Anyone who plays an instrument but doesn’t have access to their own knows what it’s like to get as much practice (and inspiration) in where you can fit it. Aside from the few inspirations i had, another one was Bill Ward. A lot of people don’t seem to list him in the pantheon of great drummers, but dude was the heartbeat of Sabbath- arguably, the foreparents of heavy metal… even though they were essentially a blues-inspired rock band. i’m obviously not as good as him, but admittedly, ‘Behind The Wall Of Sleep’ was a MASSIVE drum inspiration for me over the years- i definitely sent some nods to it in a few songs i’ve played.

So i decided to play along with it, in my own simple way.

…And being from NYC (and always hanging out on the Lower East Side/Loisaida) it was inevitable to run into some of the elder punk cats, and the Ramones would not be an exception. i met Joey (while i was DJing at a bar) and Dee Dee (at another bar, where i was taking pictures at a photo booth). The greatest irony is that, despite being born and raised in NYC, despite having a bunch of their records over the years, despite covering their songs in bands and despite having met a couple of the OGs, I HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM LIVE. Their first album was released seven months before i was born, and their final concert was three months before i turned 20.

Obviously i have seen footage of their concerts, and had the live albums. i used to bring Ramones tapes to school, and a bunch of kids would say, ‘Howard Stern is in a band? Word?’ (They were also (semi) regulars on Stern’s show, so another major irony (or not) happened- the band made their official breakup announcement on his show). It amazes me that father down the line they got, their live performances got even faster.

…So… i decided to have a little fun drumming to a couple of songs from their final show. i think people sleep on/underestimate how not easy Ramones drumming is. Each drummer carried a different style; however, Thomas Erdelyi laid the foundation by which proceeding drummers went by. As with anything else, i’m just having fun (and getting some practice in at the same time).

Lars Ulrich. Yeah, i said it.

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My favorite band in the whole entire world is Earth Wind & Fire, my favorite artist is Michael Jackson, my favorite music is jazz, and my favorite drummer is Art Blakey. i’m a punk kid who gravitates more towards post punk, and political/anticapitalist hardcore and punk.

i know, i’m pretty mixed up. So where does Metallica fit into all of this?

i enjoy metal music but i would not consider myself to be much of a metalhead. However, Metallica has been my favorite metal band since the age of 14. When i was regularly playing in bands i never played any of their songs in my life. Remember, i was (and still am) a basic drummer (and guitarist, and everything else). But something happened- i got hit by a truck, broke both my legs, and got one of them amputated. My journey with Metallica has been massively different as a whole adult in her 40s, than it was as an angry teenager.

Just like Earth Wind & Fire and Pharoah Sanders are healing salves for me when i am down, Metallica’s music has taken me on a journey in my healing in this period of my life. Not only are the songs well crafted, but they have an emotional resonance i didn’t necessarily grasp when i was younger.

Clyde (as i mentioned in the introductory video) was the catalyst for me getting back into the drums; Lars Ulrich was the inspiration. i was inspired to be up for the challenge.

The first Metallica song i ever learned on these here drums was ‘Blackened’- perhaps one of their most difficult songs in terms of time signatures. It’s also my favorite song of theirs.

Some days are better than others (obviously) but i practiced the song almost every single day… and then one day i got the timing. Is it perfect? Nope. But i continue to practice so i can get better at and refine it. i don’t know if i will ever be on the level of the type of drumming on …And Justice For All (my 2nd favorite Metallica album of all time; Load is no. 1) and i obviously can’t do double bass (i have one leg, remember?), but i figured out ways around it, and did it in a way which fits the basicness that is my drumming.

(pssssssst… there’s nothing wrong with being a basic drummer. And yes, those are Ahead/Lars sticks.)

All the tracks i played to were drumless (which you could find on Guitar Hero). i’ll probably come back and have a ‘Metallica Fridays’ post or something (not Mondays- that was already taken. HA!). Who knows?

Lars… duder, if you ever see this, thanks.

Master Of Puppets was my favorite Metallica album for 30 years (until Load knocked it out the spot), and to teenaged me, ‘Battery’ was the jam. It was the greatest song i ever heard about the thrash scene and moshing (still is; D.R.I.’s ‘Thrashard’ comes second). The play on words is excellent. James Hetfield’s pen and riff game are dope, and the solo is one of my favorites from Kirk Hammett. i remember seeing Metallica on the first leg of their Wherever We May Roam tour in 1991, and just turned 15-year old me was waiting all night to see ‘Battery’. And when they finally did it at the encore, i lost it.

So of course… i wanted to be up for the challenge. This is another song where the timing is not the ‘usual’ 4/4. i messed up a few times, but SO WHAT! (no pun intended).

‘That Was Just Your Life’ is one of my most favorites to play to. Sometimes i play along to the live version, which is almost twice the speed of the album version!

And finally… A LITTLE BASS!

An Introduction, Plus A Few Songs.

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Here lies the journey…


‘The Traffic School Song’ was one of the first songs i was messing around with on the SPD-30 (Octoapad).  This specific audio/video situation was recorded back in November 2021.  i am working on getting an actual set (as that will help me get better) but the Octapad has been a great way for me to get some muscle memory back. 

Playing along to The Clash’s ‘Janie Jones’…  i’m definitely not perfect, but the journey is not about being perfect. 

And finally…  one of the most challenging parts of the journey so far!  D.R.I. is one of my favorite hardcore/thrash bands.  Even though i have played drums (and guitar) in several punk bands i was never a hardcore/thrash/metal/’traditional’ punk drummer.  Though i played in bands i never had a set of my own.   Because of those limitations i saw myself as a pretty basic drummer (which i still am!!!); my primary inspirations were post punk players like Hugo Burnham (Gang Of Four), Robert Grey (Wire) and Valerie Scroggins (ESG); as well as folks like David Lovering (Pixies). 

Will i ever get to the point where i’m as advanced as an Art Blakey, a Terri Lyne Carrington, Billy Cobham, Tony Royster Jr., Chris Dave, Tony Williams, Sheila Escovedo, Buddy Rich, Bernard Purdy, Neil Peart, Dave Lombardo, Mike Portnoy, Max Roach, Jeff Porcaro, Louie Bellson…  and the countless other amazing drummers and percussionists- including those on sites like youtube?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  What counts most is the journey, and the things i learn along the way. 

And while i am CERTAINLY no Felix Griffin, ‘Mad Man’ is an extreme challenge and a workout (for a basic drummer like me), as well as fun to play!