Metallica Fridays (no. 25): Working Through Music While Experiencing ‘The Unnamed Feeling’…

A day late, i know… This week had been building up in ways that are hard to explain. People ask how you are, and you don’t know how to answer. Nothing of note is tragically horrible in your life, but you just feel a particular inexplicable way.

Then all of a sudden, it happens. As you feel things building you work to manage it in whatever way you can, and it still hits you like a ton of bricks.

i wish depression on no one. The unnamed feeling is very real.

i still wanted to make a post though, despite being in the throes of depression. Sometimes that actually helps me to feel better. In preparing for this post, parts of it certainly helped me to feel better, but honestly, parts of it didn’t. Parts of it, i cried.

This site is an exploration of all things: the improvements and the mistakes, the happy and the not-so-happy. i tend to write about these things, but i never film it.

As you may know (if you’ve been following this site), i tend to post songs that i am particularly feeling, or inspired by at the moment. ‘The House Jack Built’ has been on my mind for a while. It’s also my 12th favorite Metallica song of all time. i tend to have no problems listening to it, nor does it trigger my depression. For some reason, the song spoke to me this week in ways it hadn’t before.

Growing up with a mother who had an alcohol addiction, and struggling with addictions of my own (which were pretty close to being triggered this week), the song speaks to me in that way. However, the song spoke to me this week, as if it was reading to be about depression itself.

Open my eyes just to have them close again
Well on my way, but on my way to where I’ve been
It swallows me as it takes me in its fog
I twist away as I give this world the nod

Open my eyes just to have them closed once again
Don’t want control
As it takes me down and down and down again
Is that the moon or just a light that lights this dead-end street?
Is that you there or just another demon that I meet?

You fall into a pit you feel you can’t get out of, and sometimes you just wait and hope it goes away. You exist in the world and are functioning as a being, but there’s a whole other life lurking.

i chose to film this as i was in the deepest part of my depression at this moment. There were 50 million things going on in my head, and it was difficult to focus on even playing drums, but i did it. Any mistakes i made or anxiety i had, i just played through it all. There were a bunch of things coming up for me as i was playing, and that’s what you see on my face.

i already made songs inspired by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich (sortakinda), and i felt inspired to do a Kirk Hammett-themed song. It was a bit of a distraction from this recent episode i am experiencing.

While there were a couple of things i had in mind, as usual, what i first had in mind never ends up as the end result. i initially had a particular riff in my head, but i ended up using the drum as the base of the song, then writing the ‘lyrics’ (aka the clips) around the drums. Then i played the bass in a way which followed whatever Kirk was saying/singing. The drums were actually inspired by Lars (but what’s new?), and the bass lines were inspired by Public Image Ltd.

People who know me well enough (at least in relation to Metallica) know how much i absolutely love Kirk Hammett. Even though my first musical love was the drums (despite the guitar being the first instrument i seriously played), teenage me (and even adult me) always connected with Kirk- his shyness, his awkwardness and his passion for the things he loves. i did my best to capture those things with this song.

My favorite thing about this song though? The cats.

Because cats are the greatest beings to ever be on this earth. i love all animals (and have been a vegan for 28 years strong), but i am not ashamed to say that cats are my favorite ever people.

Metallica Fridays (no. 20): Five months of… You tell me!

i’m gonna be honest: there was a point where i just wasn’t feeling it this week.

Depression can do that to you. It’s inexplicable. It comes and goes in quick waves sometimes; other times it takes up a mass load of space. When i’m feeling tired and unmotivated i have to closely watch myself, to make sure i’m not entering a crisis. When playing music is not helping (and it certainly wasn’t helping this week), i know i’m verging on the edge of trouble. When i’m there everything that normally seems okay to play, i can’t seem to mentally make connections. Nothing i play comes out right. Fortunately, it passed right as it was about to get to that edge. As i was recording for this week’s session, a lot of what i was feeling began to pass.

i can’t believe it’s been five months since i’ve started these posts. Five months in this journey of not only Metallica being part of the soundtrack of living and learning post amputation; it’s also been a journey of me working on being okay with just letting go and allowing myself to JUST PLAY. i maintain that listening to and experiencing Metallica prior to the accident is extremely different than it is now. To echo the words of a Mr. Hetfield- When it comes to be a soothing ride towards a new day, there was a semi truck that came my way.

The positive of that will always be a reacquaintance with the things i never knew i would return to in the ways they have… not only playing music, but also myself. And while depression is not something that miraculously goes away, i have become better at reading when the freight train (or the semi truck, if you will) is approaching.

With that, we’ll start with something that might actually feel like a freight train to folks… one of the worst pains in existence on this earth: a toothache. Not too many things will down you faster than a toothache. Apparently Cliff Burton may have been thinking the same thing, because he made a tune (supposedly) inspired by it.

And while i absolutely love playing the bass to Metallica songs, i in no way shape or form am at the level of a Cliff Burton, so i did not play ‘Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)’. i did play drums to it though. The thing i love about this song is that the band decided to do a song with BASS AS THE PRIMARY INSTRUMENT, AND NO GUITAR on their first album.

No… even better. The DRUMS came in after a couple of minutes. Bass and drums- the two instruments people love to make fun of all the time.

‘Hardwired’ is quite fun to play. It was the last song written for the album bearing it’s name (Hardwired…. To Self Destruct), and it was once again, the band saying, “We don’t need to prove our chops to you, but once again, here you go. Now shut up and stop complaining how we ‘sold out’.” It was a great opener to a pretty emotionally devastating (at least to me) album.

And finally…

Come on. We had to get here eventually.

Yes, it is ‘Enter Sandman.’ Yes, it has been played to the point where everyone knows the song, whether or not they know the band who made it. As i’ve said several times though, there really is a difference between consuming a piece of music, and listening to a piece of music. ‘Enter Sandman’ really is a great song, in terms of its construction.

Thank you Kirk Lee Hammett for laying that groundwork. And thank you Bob Rock for encouraging the lyrical changes. ‘Disrupt the perfect family’ honestly is not as powerful as the contrast of Never Never Land and nighttime prayers, with nightmares and the sandman. Given that Metallica have also prided themselves on writing songs where the lyrics are open for interpretation, a song’s subject matter as specific as crib death honestly would not have worked as well, especially given the content of the other songs on the album. i don’t think ‘Harvester Of Sorrow’ pt. 2 would have worked.

i did switch it up a bit. Inspired by the switch-up of ‘The Unforgiven’, i half timed the verses, while the chorus (which was originally half speed) went in the other direction. Interestingly (but maybe not surprising to some), it gave the song a little bit more of a ‘Southern rock’ reading.

(This post is dedicated to Carly, who has helped me tremendously in dealing with some mental stuff. Thanks for the connection.)

jamilah Plays The Hits Pt. II: Cross-Cultural Mashups

This post is a major contradiction- after saying numerous times how i feel about pop music (in general), what you are about to see are some of the most poppiest of songs. This led me to want to be clear on my relationship to pop music: if a pop song can convey great storytelling; if it can channel anything outside of the superficial; if it goes beyond lower vibrational energy… it’s most likely something i would enjoy listening to.

A great pop song can make me happy… or it can make me cry. There are a few, like ‘Home’ by Stephanie Mills (my favorite song in the whole entire world), ‘And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going’ by Jennifer Holliday, ‘Love takes Time’ by Mariah Carey, and ‘Didn’t We Almost Have It All’ by Whitney Houston, that automatically bring tears the moment you hear those notes. i guess you can say, even though i’m not particularly a fan of anthemic songs, i do love big, dramatic ones. Not only are songs like these full of drama; you can also hear the tears, sadness or anguish in their vocals.

i am also a major fan of unrequited love longs… you know, when you have feelings for someone and those feelings are not returned. ‘How Am I Supposed To Live Without You’ is a perfect unrequited love song.

i spent a bit of time over the past few months searching for covers of the song, and it has been hard to find any versions that capture the heartbreak of the original. Most people stick to vocal acrobatics, taking away from the actual meaning of the song. While i definitely love a good run or two, i just don’t think they’re fitting for a song like this.

The only one who honestly does the song any justice is the original artist.

Laura Branigan sings the song very plainly, and at some points, deadpan. Michael Bolton (who co-wrote the song (with Doug James, under his birth name, Michael Bilotin)) comes fairly close, but his pleading is no comparison. Laura Branigan’s reading is one of desperation and urgency. You can hear how in the first verse, all the stuff they talk about is small talk; she wants to get all of that out of the way to ask the major questions. This person was her lifeline- all without them even knowing it.

The crux of the story is in this one line: “I don’t wanna know the price I’m gonna pay for dreaming, now that your dream has come true.” i don’t care what anyone says. This performance will always make me cry. To me, it is up there with (one of the greatest vocalists ever in the whole world) Phyllis Hyman’s performance of ‘Old Friend’.

For the post here, the bed of the song was Branigan’s version, but i combined her vocals with Michael Bolton’s, then played some drums. Like much of what we’ll see in this post, i had to do a bit of doctoring. Because the the final part of Bolton’s version has a higher key, i had to lower it to match Branigan’s original key. Also, i combined the full vinyl and CD versions of Bolton’s version. The CD version is shorter for some reason. This is the only Michael Bolton song i’ve dissected, so i can’t speak to the other ones. But i really do like this song. i’ve liked it since i’ve heard the OG back in ’83.

Speaking of…. i have no shame in saying i absolutely love what is now in this day and age, lovingly called ‘Yacht Rock’. Player, Christopher Cross, Kenny Loggins, Michael McDonald, Gino Vannelli… No one should be too punk to love some well-crafted tunes. i came up in an era where a lot of that stuff crossed over into the hood.

‘Biggest Part Of Me’ by Ambrosia was another one of those jams, so when Take 6 covered it years later we all just knew they would do it right. Given that they largely do gospel, they switched up the lyrics in order to stay on that path. Even if someone’s not Christian, that should not stop them from enjoying a great song. Good music is good music. There have been plenty of gospel songs that traveled over into the pop charts. Both versions of the song did fairly well, but i’m not sure of how many people know both.

i did lower the key to Ambrosia’s version to match Take 6’s. i also played the drums.

This next song, i know for sure that there has been no general cross-cultural (or generational) exchange. When you think of ‘Float On’, you are most likely either thinking of the Floaters or Modest Mouse. Not both.

Until now.

This is something i absolutely had been thinking about doing for a while, but i didn’t know if it was gonna work out. i can’t possibly have been the only person to think of this combination. i’d be surprised if that was the case. i did keep the drums, but played the bass- almost, but not note for note. This was honestly one of my favorite things i’ve made since the start of this blog.

The following song might have you going, ‘there was another version of this song??!!’

Yes. As a matter of fact, ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It’ was presented to Bucks Fizz before it was presented to Tina Tuner; they were told the song needed male vocals, which is how they ended up recording it. Of course we all know what ended up happening after Tina Turner sang it.

i did use the Bucks Fizz version as a base. i also used the background vocals, and put Tina Turner as the lead. The Bucks Fizz version is in a lower key, so i made it higher to match the other.

We end this post how we started… kind of. With two versions of the same song, one possibly more obscure than the other.

‘Wouldn’t It Be Good’ is an incredibly sad song. i’m not sure how (or why) it became popular in some circles of the pop pantheon. The lyrics are full of hopelessness and dread. This song is a companion to ‘Fade To Black’… except if you’ve only heard the version released on the Pretty In Pink soundtrack, you might not notice it.

The Danny Hutton Hitters version (the one on the soundtrack) is the first version i ever heard, so i didn’t recognize how sad the song was until i heard Nik Kershaw’s original some years later. Danny Hutton (of Three Dog Night)’s reading of the lyrics sound a bit more hopeful that he will get over to the other side, after some struggle. Nik Kershaw sounds like it’s pointless to even try. With that, i opted to wage a conversation between the two. In between the conversation are scenes from Pretty In Pink– one of the the few John Hughes movies i actually remember liking. Though i hated the end (because i hate scenarios wrapped up in a neat little bow), the movie did take a dip into a discussion on class. i know some of his other movies did as well, but Pretty In Pink is the one i watched the most of as a kid.

i played the bass on this one, while the Danny Hutton version was the bed for the vocals.

INXS!!!

If you’ve read anything on this site (hopefully you do read the posts!) you already know i’m not a huge fan of pop music in general. i’m not referring to music that is popular- that would make little sense, since my favorite artist is Michael Jackson. i also make Metallica-related posts every week. i could be wrong; it just seems to me that the genre of ‘pop’ tends to not particularly take risks. A particular artist could be quite good. However, if said artist is deemed ‘the one’, the industry attempts to oversell that particular sound.

There was a time though, when ‘pop music’ took more risks with their catchy hooks, thereby making radio more diverse than it certainly is today. Australia-based INXS was one of those bands.

Initially, their influences stylistically appeared to be ska, post punk and ‘pub punk’ bands and artists like XTC, Ian Dury and Lena Lovich (and other bands on Stiff Records); and so-called ‘new wave’. They were also coming of age artistically with (the also located in Australia) Nick Cave. Like many bands, they shifted musically into a more ‘pop’ territory. While for all intents and purposes they were still a rock band; and while you in some ways heard some of their original inspirations pop in once in a while, they began to pick up more cues from classic soul and R&B.

While songs like ‘Need You Tonight’ crossed over into the hood, the first INXS song i ever heard was two years earlier: ‘This Time’ (from 1985’s Listen Like Thieves). i remember liking the song, but it wasn’t until a few years later as an early teenager when i became totally obsessed with them.

Yup. i was a burgeoning punk kid, and i was absolutely in love with INXS.

Despite being ‘rock stars’ they didn’t seem that way to me… even with Michael Hutchence as the front man. Yeah, he totally played up the ‘sex symbol’ thing… but they all just seemed like awkward, regular dudes to me. They were huge, but they weren’t bombastic. They played anthems, but they weren’t anthemic.

And they crafted some massively good songs, but didn’t take themselves too seriously.

My favorite INXS song of all time is ‘Horizons’; it became my favorite song of theirs from the moment i heard it years ago on cassette. It’s the first time i recognized a song being written in the way that was written. You could randomly pick a song out of their catalog, and chances are you will like it: ‘Don’t Change’, ‘Communications’, ‘Shine Like it Does’, ‘In Vain’, ‘The Stairs’, ‘Johnson’s Aeroplane’… It was really difficult to choose which songs to do for this post. While their ‘hits are just as great i definitely wanted to focus on their lesser-known songs for the most part.

Like (Minneapolis’) Mint Condition, INXS were a pretty self-contained band. Consisting of Garry Gary Beers (one of the greatest bass players- ever. Both he and Graham Maby are severely underrated), Andrew Farriss (primary songwriter/composer and keys/guitar), Kirk Pengilly (guitar and saxophone), Michael Hutchence (vocals and lyrics- and fan of Anthrax!), Jon Farriss (drums) and Tim Farriss (guitar); for 20 years (until the physical departure of Hutchence), all original founding members were together, since their birth in 1977- originally called the Farriss Brothers.

To begin this musical trip through INXS world, we’ll begin with their first single, released in 1980: ‘Simple Simon’/’We Are the Vegetables’. The clear punk influences are there. Anyone familiar with their later material might find this to be surprising. Of course, the burgeoning punk kid in me was VERRRRY pleased to hear this.

‘Guns In The Sky’ (from 1987’s Kick) is to me, one of the greatest album openers of all time. A response to the Reagan Administration’s Strategic Defense Initiative, the music video (which exists despite it not being a single) flashed ‘SDI’ randomly on the screen. The song is a rightful critique of the u.s. government’s allocation of resources to everything but what it should be going to- which is, assuring the masses’ basic material needs are met.

The drum in the original song is built around a Roland 707; i used the Alessis (and not the Octapad) for this one, so (obviously) the drums are not as booming. i did keep Hutchence’s vocals (because i can’t sing like that!), and played guitar and bass, in addition to the drums. It sounded more like a garage version than the (again) booming anthem it is (smiles).

‘What Would You Do’ (from Underneath The Colours) is another one of my absolute top favorites from the band. In the pocket for the most part, it’s got one of my favorite bass lines in an INXS song. i also love the nod to ‘Stay Young’ (also on the album) as well.

We will take a detour back to the band’s first (self-titled) album, with ‘Jumping’, another one of my favorites. This song is perfect- the bouncy bass, the horn accents (why don’t pop bands have horns anymore??!!), the touch of two tone ska, the guitar being utilized in the verse as a melody with Hutchence’s vocals, the spacey keys, the half-time drums… i love this era of music, with its the post punk disco and ska influences.

Finally, we have a song which is perhaps one of their most beloved- ‘Mystify’. i woke up with this song in my head, so after i got up i started singing it- i wanted to do it just a capella, but it didn’t feel right. i started messing around on the piano, and that didn’t feel right either. Something else was going on in my head. i started messing around on the bass, and i started hearing a beat in my head. It ended up being a sludge rock-influenced half time ditty (with a tiny, tiny bit of tiny tiny discordance (smiles)), as opposed to the bounciness of the original.

i know i’m not that great of a singer- but i do it anyway. i like to sing. Not being that great at singing is a nice feeling, when you’ve survived being hit by a truck.

Metallica Fridays (no. 17): Throw Ice Into The Fire, And Watch It Damage Your Fears

So… wow. i have a lot of feelings around James Hetfield’s recent comments in Brazil. Every week on these ‘Metallica Fridays’ posts i talk about ‘getting out of my head’ and learning to embrace my mistakes as a way of further understanding the journey… and here he is at the age of 58, openly discussing his anxieties and insecurities around no longer being able to play in the same ways he once did. i wrote my feelings on his speech here; one thing i did not say though, is that if his concerns are around not being able to play well, many would absolutely disagree. There are many who have had harsh critiques for the band for years, who are coming out and saying they’ve been playing better than ever. While none of us could ever know the full extent of what James Hetfield is going through, one thing we can all say is that, unless something happens to really affect his motor skills (God willing that does not happen), he is in no danger of putting on no less of a great performance.

As private a person as he is, being open in where he’s at mentally is significant in that his words may have saved someone’s life- including his own. As a person who lives with depression, his words around mental health (as well as the Load, ReLoad and St. Anger albums specifically) always resonate with me.

i’ve said this elsewhere, and i’ll say it again here: i think 58-year old James Hetfield is cool. And i’m sure at 59, 60 and beyond he will be just as cool.

Don’t let the demons take hold of the Heaven in your head…

Doing the posts for this site- and the Metallica posts specifically- have been helping me pull through the struggle in many ways: the struggles of this ‘new’ life as an amputee; the struggle of learning not to be as frustrated with my mistakes; of learning to let go. The struggle of actually taking in new ways of listening to music. The music experience is very different as a person having to learn how to play the songs, versus simply listening to it. And sometimes that is frustrating, because it seems like you can never get it ‘right’. The point SHOULD be though, that you are playing it in your own way, versus copying what you hear. Given that i am physically limited in how i, for instance, play drums, i have begun to find that i do have a particular style… and that is interesting to see. i just aim to be as respectful as possible to all artists. Even if it’s just me seeing these posts, i know that it’s helping. If others see these posts and it helps them, it’s even better.

…And since i mentioned the album earlier, i think we will start with ‘Attitude’, from ReLoad. It makes me laugh that people always get on Lars for that scene in Some Kind Of Monster (including Kirk and James), when he’s trying to counter the ‘stock’ (according to him) riff with a particular drum pattern… when dude is a MASSIVE fan of rhythmic illusions. As am i. All their albums have them. i’m not sure if it’s because of the few (in comparison to others) lessons he’s had over the years, so he has little technical knowledge, and sees these patterns in his head. Lars adding an extra beat (or coming in a half step beforehand) is very common, and learning how to play to Metallica songs throws off many a more ‘traditional’ drummer.

i will always love Lars for this. There is no one like him.

To me, ‘Attitude’ is an example of this. When i first heard the song i was like, ‘Whut? Wait. i…’ The difference between this song and some others is, Lars counts off on the 2, so you get a little help in knowing where to start. Some of the other songs just blast off, and you’re like, ‘Wait- is he starting on the 2 or the 3??!!’ i’m not that good at counting beats and measures (as y’all probably see with some of the glaring mistakes i’ve made in these posts- HA!), so i do it all by just listening to the song, and going there.

So i think the kick started (a little early) on the 1, and the snare/crash combination started at 2. Then when the song kicks in, it starts on 2. Is my count correct?

i mean, i play music but i’m not a musician. That’s probably safe to say.

All i know is that i’m glad Load and ReLoad exist. To me, those albums encompassed the ‘bigness’ of the Black Album sound, but in terms of subject matter and arrangement it was an evolution.

Here we return to what was my favorite Metallica album for 30 years- until Load knocked it out of that spot… Master Of Puppets! It amazes me that people so young can make such complex music. i highly doubt you would have had an album like Load, if Lars and James never approached Cliff Burton. He was a major inspiration for the evolution in their sound. Would they have remained strictly a thrash or NWOBHM-inspired band, had they not met him? Would there have been just straight shredding for every single song? Perhaps. We will never know though. What we DO know (again) is that Cliff brought to the band some invaluable elements.

…Including the classic intros. Whether it’s ‘Damage Inc.’ (which i play to here), ‘Blackened’, ‘To Live Is To Die’, ‘Fight Fire With Fire’, ‘That Was Just Your Life’, ‘Fixxxer’ or other favorites… all of those are clear nods to Cliff Burton’s influence. So of course Cliff deserved the intro. After all, it’s him playing the intro.

Metallica definitely are one of the best in knowing how to sequence and bookend albums.

Aaaaaaaaand… even though ‘Blackened’ is my favorite Metallica song of all time, my current favorite song (because there is a difference) is ‘Trapped Under Ice’. ‘Trapped’ was one of my wishes for the 40th shows- AND THEY DID IT. i lost my voice as a result, screaming so loud as those opening chords played, then singing along.

This song involves one of my least favorite things in the whole world- being cold, and one of my greatest fears- being trapped. Snow is one of my top ten favorite things in the whole world, but i absolutely hate being cold. i have also been trapped before. One of my top 3 greatest fears in the whole world was also being hit by a truck, and i actually survived that. Can i survive being trapped under ice? i doubt it.

The bass (unsurprisingly) was recorded so low so i had to figure out for myself how to play it, without any cues from Mr. Burton. i played a bunch of root notes (of course!), and added a bit of harmony. i did end up seeing a few bass covers of the song- most covers of this song are on guitar- but every single person played it their own way, playing mostly with the guitar. My guess is that it’s because you can hardly hear the original, unless you remixed it to make the bass louder (which is what i actually did with ‘Damage Inc.’).

A block of ice made a guest appearance here… They never left their name though.

This One’s For The Grrrls…

i was sitting around thinking one day (when does that NOT happen, right?) about the numbers of women who inspired me- the multi-instrumentalists, the composers, arrangers… The women who rejected the notions of what they should do, and how to be. The ones who laid the foundation for not only me, but all the kids who today and yesterday who have been marginalized (by gender, class or culture).

i wanted to make a post honoring these women, but it was difficult to know where to start. Do i start with Betty Davis? Phyllis Hyman? Teena Marie? Alice Coltrane? LaBelle? Chaka Khan? Marlena Shaw? Randy Crawford? Angela Bofill? Rachelle Ferrell? Memphis Minnie? Do i go with Mother’s Finest? Silverfish? DQE? ESG? Skunk Anansie? To make it a little easier i narrowed it down to all-women bands. And still, that’s not easy… because you have everything from Girlschool to Fanny to The Runaways to Big Joanie to Cub to the 5,6,7,8s to L7 to the Bangles to The Go-Gos to Luscious Jackson to The Raincoats to The Slits to (two of my favorite current bands, Voice Of Baceprot and The Warning)… you get the picture.

So i narrowed it down a bit more… and it ended up developing into creating a longer post then usual.

i think i’ll start with ‘Catnip Dream’ by Shonen Knife, because cats are the GREATEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. They have other cat songs as well, ‘I Am A Cat’ and ‘Like A Cat’. If you make a number of songs about cats, i automatically like you.

(And of course, my hat is actually applicable here.)

Slant 6 was one of my favorite bands from the ’90s. They were only around for three or four years. In those years i saw them live about 2 or 3 times, and even interviewed them for a fanzine i was doing at the time.

To me, ‘Don’t You Ever’ (from Soda Pop * Rip Off) is one of the greatest album openers. i am just playing drums here. ‘Semi-Blue Tile’ was the b-side of the ‘What Kind Of Monster Are You’ 7″. For this song, Christina Billotte’s vocals remain, but i play bass, drums and guitar.

The Lunachicks was one of the funnest shows i have ever seen… and they made a love song to Mabel King. Perhaps the ONLY love song to Mabel King!

It was interesting to edit and look back on this series of videos, because i tend to forget about being covered neck to foot in tattoos (despite seeing them every day). i don’t wear shorts a lot (outside of the time i’m practicing with the prosthetic), so it was funny to see my leg bouncing up and down with the kick drum, with all the visual tattoos and scars. i also forgot the shirt i was wearing has a hole, so you can see a peek of my rib piece (if you look close enough- of course, that rib piece has to do with cats). Outside of forgetting my own canvas, i absolutely love and am obsessed with people who are covered- especially women. So seeing the Lunachicks makes me very happy.

i’m playing drums to the title track to the album Jerk Of All Trades. This song goes after my heart, because i’ve had to punch a few dudes for touching me without my consent.

Speaking of never underestimating a woman… Klymaxx wants to inform you to never underestimate our power.

Before they gained popularity with songs like ‘The Men All Pause’, ‘Meeting In The Ladies Room’, ‘I Miss You’ and ‘Divas Need Love Too’, they were more of funk band. Solar Records had some gems, for sure. Before i was a burgeoning punk kid, Klymaxx was the first all-women band i recall being familiar with, by name. Maybe even before the Bangles and the Go-Gos.

i am playing to the title track of the album, Never Underestimate The Power Of A Woman. i know my drumming isn’t as funky or in the pocket as Bernadette Cooper (who co-wrote the song), but i obviously aim to be respectful.

Another band i have seen live (and if you’ve ever seen them you will not forget it) is Tribe 8. A few of the members currently identify as trans; however i still am posting one of their songs because during the existence of Tribe 8 they all did identify as women (and if i am wrong about that, i apologize). Tribe 8 had no qualms about pointing out the intersections of oppression (i think having band members comprise of Indigenous, African and Asian folks helps), and they were unapologetic in their queerness. Also, they are incredibly cool people. At least they were when i met them.

The song i am playing to here, ‘Republican Lullaby’, speaks to the pro-militarism, jingoism, xenophobia, disinformation campaigns and racism/white supremacy permeating the republican party (in the u.s.); i would argue though, that these lyrics should extend to democrats as well. If you pay attention close enough to the policies (and not these low hanging fruit issues they want you to focus on) you will find little difference between the two.

One of the most well-known groups coming out of the Riot Grrrl movement was Bratmobile. They were a band who used humor to relay messages around sexual violence, racism, and more. i ended up forming a pen pal/friendly relationship with guitarist Erin Smith (who was living in Maryland, if i’m not mistaken). Whenever they came to town i would see her, and hang out a bit.

Bratmobile remind me a bit of the Misfits- tonally, not visually. They actually did cover ‘Where Eagles Dare’, so i may not be too far off. Here, i play to ‘Brat Girl’, which was probably an anthem for many a punk girl (or boy, or agender person) who got groped at a show, or taken advantage of in other ways. There’s no bassist in the most well-known incarnation of the band, so i decided to experiment with what that would sound like here (as well as (obviously) play drums).

And finally, i decided to play one of my own songs- a song i haven’t played since i was about 17 or 18 years old. In fact, it’s a song you can hear in the very first post i made for this site.

As mentioned in that post, i was in a band called The Girlymen. It was the first band i was ever in, with Mayumi (drums), and Abby (bass). i honestly have no idea what most of the lyrics are to this song (save for the title: ‘Chock Full Of Crap’), so i kept Abby’s original vocals, and just played guitar, bass and drums. i need to see if SHE remembers!

And yeah, i am using a China cymbal. Oh no… i really AM turning into Lars!

It always comes back to that, don’t it? Hee hee…

Metallica Fridays (no. 15): Letter To Lars?

So much has happened since the last post: i finally received a vinyl copy of Kirk’s excellent Portals EP, as well as restringing Jerome with some new Hetfield strings. They are some heavy gauged strings (11, 14, 18p, 28, 38 and 50)!!! The average gauges on the lightest strings are 9s or 10s, and the heaviest ones on average tend to be 46s. I did some restringing and a bit of playing before i went to rehab, and they didn’t seem that bad; perhaps it’s because i play a lot of bass? When i play around a bit more, i may be telling a different story… One thing i can say is that they sounded nice and crisp. i love that new string sound. Also being used to lighter strings, when i went to tune Jerome, i found out i ended up initially tuning way too sharp. These strings are hardcore.

But alas, we are here again with another ‘Metallica Fridays’ post. And there is always a song (or two or three) that speak to me enough for me to highlight it.

And as usual, i gotta pay respects to Lars. You can find me talking about him all throughout these posts, so i won’t go too far into it here. i will keep saying though: For anyone to sit and listen… i mean actually sit and listen, and say that Lars is a bad drummer, i will never understand. i am learning these songs in a whole different way as a player, versus the act of passively listening. If this band were to have ever, in any point in time, gotten a more technical drummer, it would be a whole different band. This actually happened in 2004 (at the Download Festival (aka Donnington), when Lars was briefly hospitalized. In his place were Dave Lombardo (one of the greatest drummers of all time), Joey Jordinson (who i was not that familiar with, but the little i saw of him, i saw that he was an excellent drummer), and Lars’ drum tech, Flemming Larsen. It was amazing to hear them play with Metallica at extremely short notice. They knew their stuff- and i love that Lombardo was about to play the bridge (album version) of ‘Battery’! However, the vibe was entirely different. it wasn’t bad… it was just missing… Lars.

i keep thinking about how Lars sees different rhythms in his brain, from whatever riffs Rob, Kirk and James present. People ask how he’s credited with writing songs, despite him not writing the riffs. The dude has a major hand in arranging where those riffs go, so a songwriting credit is absolutely proper. i wonder how many of his fills are experimentation during the recording process, versus actual construction. i always wonder why he chooses to hit the crash at a specific place you would never think to put it.

For example, the opening cymbal hits in ‘Hell And Back’ (from the great Beyond Magnetic). The opening hits seem so counterintuitive in a way. But they work. They totally work.

i absolutely love this song. They only played it 16 times, during May, June and August of 2012. While (again) it’s always stated that Metallica lyrics can be interpreted in various ways (with very clear exceptions), ‘Hell And Back’ to me is a very clear reading of someone experiencing addiction. You understand the negative implications of the addiction (or dependency); however, the familiarity is comforting, and… dependable. Be it food, sex, alcohol, narcotics… the struggle is real.

i will say though, when i first heard the song i thought James was singing “she’s rachet but she comforts me…” as opposed to wretched. i was like, ‘whatchoo know about rachet, Papa Het??!!’

If they pulled this one out at the 40th i would have screamed. Interestingly (and sadly), they did NO songs from Beyond Magnetic at the 40th.

…And we return to the source. The first Metallica song i ever learned/played on the drums.

‘Blackened’. Why would this be the FIRST song to learn… one of the most difficult in terms of timing, for a person who hadn’t regularly played the drums in over 20 years, and never previously played a Metallica song? Because it’s my favorite song of theirs.

This time though, it’s a live version… the infamous ‘Seattle ’89’ version. i would always try to play it and could never get it (because it was so much faster than the album version, and of course there’s no click track so the timing isn’t straight). It’s also a song i haven’t played in a couple of months i think, so i always want to return to it, because it’s ultimately a barometer for how i am doing in terms of my progress. i still mess up in a spot or two, but it’s WAY better than it was even a couple of months ago. So there’s that.

And now…

i will continue to admit i was wrong, when it comes to Some Kind Of Monster, the 2004 documentary charting not only the recording process of St. Anger, but the band’s struggle to just hold it together. i had no idea what to expect when i saw it in the theater back then, but i absolutely hated it. Like many (who loved and/or appreciated the band at the time) i couldn’t understand why a bunch of dudes in a band would sit and film themselves arguing. i was 27 or 28 years old then. Of course, 18 years later (and having lived a much more eventful life) i understood exactly why they did it, and i’ve come to appreciate the film for the brilliance it is. it’s become one of my favorite films of all time.

i was going back, listening to older episodes of Metal Up Your Podcast (the great podcast that extensively discusses Metallica), and they were discussing the root of the experiences had in the film- (bassist) Jason Newsted’s departure. i then felt inspired to recreate one of my favorite scenes in the film. i know that people tend to look at it as a meme; however, i see it as an examination of a mental downward spiral. Music (and being in a band) was such a crutch for these individuals that they seemingly never really built a relationship outside of that.

The film showed how important therapy actually is.

People were saying that Lars was pretending to be upset by Jason’s departure. i saw it as disbelief. He seemed on the verge of tears- which is how i kind played the scene. To me, Lars’ face was saying one thing, but his voice was saying another.

i acted out the scene, sent it to a few people then realized it needed some music. i kept listening to the words, and played drums around that. Then played guitar and bass around the drums. i wanted the music to capture some level of that downward spiral. After that was done i wanted to see what it was like if the words were said in anger, as opposed to shock or disbelief. With that, i ended up filming another scene, then made a side by side video. It’s interesting to see the two emotions together.

Jason was the bird who could not be caged, and he was ultimately right in leaving. i consider him to be a major teacher for the band, because he was a catalyst for them to do some major self-criticism. That said, i really did want to give Lars a hug in that scene. Jason was correct in leaving, but you could see that Lars was truly hurt by it.

i love that they are all on amicable terms now.

(This song is dedicated to Clint and Ethan, the hosts of Metal Up Your Podcast.)

And herein lies my 50th letter of appreciation to Lars. Thanks for so many classic moments, duder.

Metallica Fridays (no. 14): Staying Out Of The Comfort Zone

i’m gonna be honest. i have been feeling pretty uninspired this past week, with a few mental bumps in the road- things i usually don’t talk about, unless asked. i’ve been getting better at doing some physical therapy and using the prosthetic, which is wonderful since it’s getting me one step closer to being more mobile. That said, i have these particular feelings and mental blocks that come and go… fortunately not transforming into the ‘unnamed feeling’ (which i HAVE experienced on this journey, and wish upon no one.

i didn’t really feel like playing music at all, but i wanted to do a ‘Metallica Fridays’ post. And i’m glad i did, because it actually helped me to get out of that space i was experiencing. (And of course as i go to post, tech issues ensued. So this post is late. What is new?)

i also kept focusing on how many mistakes i make. Even though i say ‘yes, this is a journey and mistakes are made and you learn from them’, i still cringe at them.

Then a thing happened. i saw MelSickScreamoAnnie (or Meliani) do a performance of ‘Fade To Black’ (a song that is difficult for me to listen to, for obvious reasons). This is a person whose skills on the guitar are phenomenal, and in this reading of the song she made massive mistakes. That was her first time performing outside of Indonesia, and to the performance, she said she didn’t “want to share at first because i made many mistakes… but i guess i shouldn’t really overthink about it.”

That put things in perspective. She is a far superior musician than i.

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As i was thinking about what songs to do for this post, i (again) went through a concentrated listening cycle, and it really did assist in lifting my mood. Metallica’s music on one end, helps me to make sense of death (as i’ve stated in other posts) and speaks to mental health struggles i experience; listening to them though, doesn’t always necessarily make me happy. Sometimes it does though, and this week it happened to.

The longer i’ve returned to the drums (and playing instruments in general), the less i understand why people attack Lars. Is he the most technical? Of course not. And that’s okay. Dude ‘s penchant for arranging deserves way more credit. Also, the way he plays, very few people can capture his nuances. i know i certainly can’t, despite doing fills inspired by him, sometimes subconsciously.

i don’t care what anyone says. Lars is dope.

‘Atlas Rise’ is one of my favorite songs from the band; it is also my favorite song on Hardwired… To Self Destruct. At this point, you see how Lars combined the best of the ‘thrash’ and TBA/Load/ReLoad periods. The working title of this song was ‘N.W.O.B.H.M. A.T.M.’, and the influence of ‘New Wave of British Heavy Metal’ bands is clear here. Thematically, the song (along with songs such as ‘Dirty Window’ and ‘Holier Than Thou’) is a continuation of addressing (inter)personal contradictions. The reading of the lyrics may not have the same youthful anger as ‘Dyers Eve’, but age and life’s experience give it a similar grit and rage.

And the harmony to the final ‘RIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE’, i love it so much. This is such a perfect Metallica song.

Every time i do these posts, i have to keep saying it- Metallica can write dope songs in their sleep. There is a reason why they are my favorite metal band. Welllll… several reasons. i know it gets heard by everybody and their mama, but ‘Sad But True’ goes hard. Tell me that song isn’t a head nodder.

Go ahead. tell me.

It’s another well-written track that has dope riffs and pensive lyrics that have been interpreted in various ways, from the narrator being personal demons (or the devil himself) to addiction. This is also the first song i ever heard, where i truly began to understand what people meant when they were talking about music production. Bob Rock did the thing. Cassettes are not known for having the greatest sound quality (and i wore out all my Metallica tapes); however, even on cassette this song stood out to me.

The Alesis obviously doesn’t do justice to the Tama Artstar II (my dream drum set), and i haven’t messed around with the midi enough yet to separate the drums to make, for instance, the kick louder. That said, i am not going to complain one bit. i’m playing drums, and it’s a great outlet and mental balancer.

Thanks Clyde, and thanks Lars.

Aaaaaaaand we have another music video, featuring Touré and Blue! These videos are always fun to make, and they lift my spirits. And i know y’all don’t wanna sit there and watch me play bass for 6 or 7 minutes… i hope you enjoy them as well!

i also hope i didn’t disrespect Cliff at all, with my bass playing. i didn’t do any of the runs he did in the song- i’m not that great of a player!!! ‘Seek And Destroy’ is a really fun song to play though! Doing these ‘Metallica Friday’ posts have also challenged me to do what i’ve never done before- play to Metallica songs. Even with this, i am out of my comfort zone. As with many other of their songs (not just the Justice album) the bass is mixed way low, so i did mix it a bit higher, but not enough to overpower the rest of the instruments.

Metallica Fridays (no. 13): Still Making Sense Of Death And Anger

Much of the time, the songs i choose for each week’s Metallica posts have a lot to do with where i’m at mentally at that time, or if the songs are relative to a particular experience. There are also plenty of times i wake up with random songs of theirs in my head.

The morning of making music for this post i woke up earlier than usual, with not only ‘Invisible Kid’ in my brain, but a particular arrangement of it in my head. i couldn’t go back to sleep, so i got out the guitar and began playing what was in my head, over and over… The tiredness hit me, so i went back to bed.

As the day went on, the song shifted into a whole other energy. i decided to use the drums as the foundation, and work around that. The energy of the end result actually ended up sounding more similar to Joy Division or The Cure than what i played in the morning.

The journey of songwriting…

i tried to sing the song in the original key (which is what i initially played on guitar). But that was painful to hear. i’m already not that great of a singer (but i do it anyway). So i guess i’m an alto or a contralto or something? i have no idea.

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that i am a St. Anger fanboi. i appreciate it not only for its representation of a band struggling to find peace with itself in some way- creatively, mentally and spiritually; it’s also an album in which the subject matter is heavily identifiable to me. The album is an experience in catharsis.

i was that ‘invisible kid’ growing up. i was the shy, quiet kid that kept a lot of things inside, until they sometimes boiled over. Like a lot of kids in this predicament i had friends and hung out, and hid a lot of my feelings- until, again, they sometimes boiled over. i wanted love, but didn’t necessarily know how to receive it. Sometimes i’ve pushed people away by showing love in overwhelming ways. i can talk extensively and excitedly about particular things; however, to this day, when people ask me how i’m feeling i struggle with that, and don’t always know how to answer… so i am most likely to give short answers. i always need to be checking in with people, but sometimes the simplest questions seem intrusive, even when they’re not.

The push/pull the invisible kid experiences is very real… “I’m OK, just go away… but please don’t stray too far.”

(All instruments and vocals are by me.)

A few times in 2006 (in the midst of working on Death Magnetic), the band did live performances of ‘The New Song’ (aka ‘Death Is Not The End’). Of course, the various riffs heard in this working version ended up being portions of various songs officially released on the upcoming album, released in 2008- most notably, ‘All Nightmare Long’ and ‘End Of The Line’. It’s always exciting to see them perform new, unfinished and rare material.

Double kick is all over this song (what’s new?); and of course i only have one foot, so i had to work with what i got. People also might look at this song as not being the most difficult to play (and it’s definitely not the most difficult in their repertoire); however, it’s got that ‘Lars timing’ all over it. There’s a number of parts you have to remember.

i love the songs this working title developed into. i also love this unfinished version. Metallica’s songs speak an awful lot about death, but it’s not always about physical death. i didn’t think about it a lot prior to the accident. After it happened , their music helped me make sense of a lot that was going on, and helped in learning to truly make sense of death- of relationships, of particular feelings… of a leg.

Death really is not the end. Death must occur to give birth to a whole new consciousness.

‘The Unnamed Feeling’ is a tough one for me. The lyrics describe every single thing i’ve been through at various periods in my life.

i hate living with depression. i love myself and am grateful for life, but sometimes my brain just snaps and i either desire to, or attempt to end it all. i hate it. i don’t wish this on anyone.

i can’t convince people to love St. Anger as much as i do; i understand why people sincerely do hate it. But the album is a very healing one for me.

(Interestingly, the camera decided to fall during this song. i kept it anyway.)

SST!

One of my favorite record labels coming up as a punk kid was SST, founded by Greg Ginn in 1978 (i definitely have my criticisms for Ginn, but one thing that is definitely a positive is that he loves cats). From Bad Brains (the greatest punk/hardcore band of all time), fIREHOSE, Hüsker Dü, Dinosaur Jr., Saccharine Trust, Negativeland, Screaming Trees, Sonic Youth, Soundgarden to so much more; the label had a variety of sounds, from straight up hardcore punk and reggae, to jazz-inspired and ‘avant garde’ rock, to country.

For this post i figured i would pay tribute to the label who inspired many a kid like me, and who sprouted more than a few bands who ended up being loved by many.

i’m gonna start with The Minutemen, one of my favorite bands of all time. i suppose you could technically file them under ‘punk’, but they were so much more than that. Like many other great bands they were heavily influenced by jazz, funk, ‘classic rock’ and a range of other styles. Mike Watt is one of the greatest bassists of all time (and happens to be criminally underrated), and ‘Joe McCarthy’s Ghost’ (the song i play here) is seen by appreciators of the band to be one of his greatest bass lines.

The Minutemen’s catalog is full of love songs to the people’s class, heavily and consistently critiquing capitalism, neoliberalism, fascism, and imperialism- so it’s a given as to why they are one of my favorite bands. The band ended upon the physical death of D. Boon (due to a car accident) in 1985.

i am not as good of a musician as George Hurley (drums), D. Boon (guitar/vocals) or Mike Watt (bass/vocals), but i hope this updated ‘2022’ remix/rework of ‘Joe McCarthy’s Ghost’ is respectful to the legacy of The Minutemen.

One of my favorite albums ever released on the SST label is the Meat Puppets’ Up On The Sun. They are one of those bands who, like many metal and punk bands, started out a bit more ‘noise/hardcore’ oriented, then by the next album started adding elements of the things they would be more known for (think Kill ‘Em All to Ride The Lightning). You definitely hear early on what they would come to be; however, in general, the first (self-titled) album (or their EP In A Car) sounds fairly different from the second album, Meat Puppets II, and NOTHING like the third album, Up On The Sun. If you know me well enough, you know i love me some early Meat Puppets. That said, i am a sucker for some wonderful melodies. From Up On The Sun on, that’s what they did.

i may actually post some more Meat Puppets stuff at some point; as for now, here’s me playing drums to ‘Seal Whales’, a pretty chill instrumental.

(The photo at the beginning, while beautiful, is not real. It’s a digital creation by Elena Vizerskaya. Fur seals are in the southern part of the world, and Beluga whales are in the north. Also… sadly, seals and whales aren’t exactly friends. To me, seals and whales are both beautiful.)

The first piece of vinyl i ever purchased (at the age of 15) was catalog no. SST 003- Black Flag’s Jealous Again, the six and a half-minute ep. The rest is history.

Here, i play to one of the songs from that ep (where Ron Reyes was on vocals), ‘Revenge’, as well as ‘Police Story’ from the Henry Rollins-era Damaged album.

Robo (que tocó la batería en esos dos discos) es uno de los mejores bateristas del hardcore/punk.

Now we have another great SST release (017 to be exact), Kill From The Heart by Austin, Texas’ own The Dicks. Staunchly anticapitalist/antiracist/antifascist and pro-LGBTQ+ (Gary Floyd had no problem battling anyone who opposed his existence as a gay man), The Dicks had the kind of energy i wish bands still had. They understood that where you stood mattered, because, even though people love to claim punk and metal is for outsiders, regardless of ethnicity, orientation, etc.; the fact that Floyd had to fight people at shows proves this is not always the case. The fact that folks who are not European still get told they don’t belong in these scenes prove this is not the case. The fact that people who aren’t dudes are more scrutinized for playing ‘heavy’ music shows this isn’t always the case.

As a person who fills out some of the checks on this list, it’s important for me to know what position a band takes on particular issues.

Also, The Dicks had no problem being associated with the sickle and hammer, in one way or another (just as The Minutemen wrote a song literally called ‘Sickles And Hammers’).

Word. Also, The Dicks have a love song to Marilyn Buck. Therefore i love The Dicks.

From Kill From The Heart we bring you ‘Anti-Klan’ (pt. 1), and ‘No Nazi’s Friend’. Something tells me that David Yow (of the Jesus Lizard) was massively inspired by Gary Floyd.

And finally, we have a different kind of SST- a little nod to ‘Sade’s Sweetest Taboo’ (or Sea Surface Temperature?), by Prince Rogers Nelson.

i am gonna be honest. When i first saw the cover of SST years ago, the punk kid in me was scratching my head. ‘Is Prince gonna do some punk? Look out now!!!’ But no… the song is in regards to the devastation that occurred after Hurricane Katrina on August 29, 2005 (interestingly, that was Michael Jackson’s 47th solar return). The song is part gospel, part social commentary; not uncommon in Prince’s 35+ album catalog. ‘S.S.T.’ was released specifically to raise money to help those reeling from the disaster. All proceeds went to the Baton Rouge Area Foundation’s Hurricane Katrina Displaced Residents Fund.

i was messing around, and felt the song sounded pretty good in half-time, so that’s what i did here.