Instant Inspiration…

Posted on February 10, 2026 by jamilah

“The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.”

While he did not invent the quote; it is predominately attributed to Elie Wiesel, the Nobel Peace Prize-winning author of Night, a account of his experiences at Auschwitz and Buchenwald, during the Nazis’ regime.

The most fascinating thing about the quote being famously attributed to Wiesel is that he was also well known to be a supporter of Israel and its Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. For Wiesel (who left this earth in 2016), his interpretation of ‘indifference’ is sorely lacking in intersectionality; because anyone who is a supporter of Israel- whether ardent or liberal- is practicing indifference to the long-held genocide of Palestinian people.

While it is crucial to value the stories of survivors of particular pogroms within the last century; we should just as strongly critique their contradictions and silence (or cavalier attitudes) when it comes to ongoing pogroms (especially when it is done in their name).

i’ve seen similar modes of indifference and resignation, when it comes to violence upon marginalized and historically (and presently) oppressed groups of people. It’s not until certain events affect someone personally, before they make the connections.

“And you find that what was over there is over here…”

This is not to say that people only catching on now are bad people- that is too simplistic/myopic of an argument, though it is one that would immediately be focused on. The larger factor is that we are conditioned to individualize struggle (or suffering in particular), and to see it as a ‘moral failing’, as opposed to a systemic one.
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i have spoken about my ‘love/hate’ relationship with pop music here in the past.

Pop(ular) music’s purpose in general is set up (by an industry invested in profits) to be a vehicle for escapism. However, there are always going to be artists to belie that objective. Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou was one of those artists.

Wham! was among a select number of British pop groups/artists that were well known in pop circles, but also crossed over into the hood: The Police, Thompson Twins, Robert Palmer, Culture Club, Tears For Fears, Human league, David Bowie and Level 42, among others.

Whether it was the jazz scales, the nods to dub or the Jam and Lewis production, there was something which resonated for many. It was certainly something deeper than what the industry demanded- which musicians such as Terry Bozzio (who originally came out of the Zappa universe before forming Missing Persons) learned the hard way.

After WHAM! (his project with Andrew Ridgeley) disbanded in 1986, George Michael soon gave birth to his solo artistic journey with 1987’s Faith. Despite the album’s success, the centerpiece of the conversation was still his looks. Like many an artist before (and after) him, he aimed to be seen as an authentic artist, as opposed to a ‘pop star’…. hence, his rebirth.

Listen Without Prejudice (Vol. 1), as well as all subsequent albums, became even deeper treatises on interpersonal relations, death/loss, imperialism/war, class inequities and superficiality. He’s even utilized satire and dark humor at his own expense at times.

i personally like some of WHAM!’s music, and i think Faith is a decent collection of well-written songs. But it was Listen Without Prejudice (one of the greatest album titles in the whole world) that made me actually pay attention to what an incredible artist Mr. Panayiotou actually was (is). It’s songs such as ‘Mother’s Pride’ which certainly led him to becoming one of my favorite lyric writers of all time, and i have no problem putting him on a list of favorite vocalists as well.

‘Praying For Time’ (released in August of 1990) was the first single released from the album. i was about to turn 14 years old. i was already a burgeoning angry punk kid by this point, but i still loved a well-written song, regardless of where it came from.

And while Listen Without Prejudice got me to initially pay more attention, it was the anti- Tony Blair/George Bush/Iraq war jam ‘Shoot the Dog’ (initially released as a single, then on his final album (of original songs), 2004’s Patience) which sealed it for me. When i first heard it, i felt it was akin to a Ministry song, with its Twitch-era vocal similarities, the Human League sample, as well as the satirical jabs at Bush. There was also a dig at funds being allocated for imperialism, as opposed to necessary community services.

Nine nine nine gettin’ jiggy
People did you see that fire in the city?
It’s like we’re fresh out of democratic
Gotta get yourself a little something semi-automatic yeah

Mustapha
Mazel Tov
The Gaza Boys
All that holy stuff
I got the feelin’ when it all goes off
They’re gonna shoot the dog

The Ayatollah’s gettin’ bombed yeah
See Sergeant Bilko having fun again
Good puppy, good puppy
Rollin’ on over for The Man

Cherie baby, spliff up
I wanna kick back mama
And watch the World Cup with ya baby
Yeah, that’s right!
We’re getting freaky tonight
Stay with me tonight
Let’s have some fun while Tony’s stateside
It’s gonna be alright
It’s gonna be alright
See Tony dancing with Dubya
Don’t you wanna know why?
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‘Praying for Time”s text-only video was reminiscent of ‘Sign ‘O The Times’, the title track from an album released in 1987 by Prince, an artist who considered his music’s messages to be just as important as the visuals.

Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling off a church and killed everyone inside
You turn on the telly and every other story is tellin’ you somebody died
Sister killed her baby ’cause she couldn’t afford to feed it
And we’re sending people to the moon

But if a night falls and a bomb falls
Will anybody see the dawn?

Is it silly, no?
When a rocket blows up
And everybody still wants to fly
Some say man ain’t happy, truly
Until a man truly dies

Around this time, i was questioning what the concept of God meant to me. Albeit brief, i was also entering a period of misanthropy. There were many factors: seeing so many around me be bullied, as well as being a recipient of bullying myself; seeing how non-human beings were being treated, seeing what seemed like endless war (even then)- and so much more, led me to a form of pessimism regarding humanity. The older i got, the less i engaged in misanthropy; at this point i no longer do. But ‘Praying For Time’ eloquently expressed whatever thoughts and questions that were occurring in my mind at the time.

i go through periods where i listen to it repeatedly. The first song i wrote (after an almost 10-year break) was a song heavily inspired by ‘Praying For Time’ in honor of ‘Buy Nothing Day’, a day i have observed for over two decades.

About the song, George Michael states, “There comes a point where you have to write something which you’d had not written before, and which your interests in any particular topic or subject will inspire you; and that’s why i suppose eventually, most lyricists do approach wider topics than sex and love.”

“And you find that what was over there is over here…”

Hunger, war, criminality, state violence… Those are things that were to be considered ‘over there’- in non-Western areas of the world, and in ‘urban areas’ of the West. We are conditioned to not only compartmentalize calamities as something ‘we’ don’t experience; we’re also conditioned to view ‘giving’ as a competition of sorts. Those who ‘give’ more are viewed as more ‘moral’, regardless of what else they’ve done in life. If “God” has ultimately “stopped keeping score”, then there’s no significant ‘moral compass’ to adhere to; so those who hold the most power create the rules, and we are expected to uncritically follow them.

And charity is a coat you wear twice a year

This is the year of the guilty man
Your television takes a stand

People are beginning to realize that the mechanisms of capitalism which drive poverty and war, and decides what levels of criminality can benefit those who hold the most wealth and resources, have ALWAYS been here.

Despite this fact, there are still some who continue to be in denial, and continue to, again, individualize and moralize issues stemmed from larger systemic injustices- “So you scream from behind your door/Say “what’s mine is mine and not yours”.
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i covered ‘Praying For Time’ (somewhat) on acoustic guitar, around the time of George Michael’s passing in 2016. Listening to it again almost ten years later, i got the idea of covering it again. Usually if i am singing lead for these cover songs i tend to record vocals separately, especially if i’m not in the regular ‘studio’. However, as it was an instantaneous thing, i decided to just go for it and record everything on one microphone.

Before i thought of covering it, as i was listening i was crying a lot. i don’t have the greatest singing voice as it is, and in my cover you hear several flat notes (among other things). Even with all that, i hope i paid respect to what i consider to be one of my favorite songs of all time, in positive ways.

This is just myself and ukulele, and one microphone.

Regarding ‘Shoot The Dog’, Mr. Panayiotou said, ”I wrote it to get people talking, not to change the world and certainly not to cause offense. If it stimulates debate and makes people dance and laugh, I think it will have done its job.”

While he is correct that music itself is not going to change the world; he was one of the few of his stature to make decisive statements in his music about certain political figures… So of course this was going to cause offense, and despite the intent, he was clearly aware that it would.

In response to the ‘offense’, he said (in a 2002 ITV interview with Trevor McDonald), “You know, there’s some very big money possibly being waved around in terms of getting what the people in Fleet Street would consider dirt on me… I was not aware that (the song) would become a mainstream enough thing that we’d be sitting here tonight, but i’m delighted it is, because I wanted to do something to help.”

When asked why he thought he was “equipped to make these points now,” George Michael responded, “Well, I’d say why do you think I’m not? That would be my question.” He mentioned that he sat and watched the news like any other person, but due to his status as a celebrity, he is being told that he needs to shut up and simply entertain. There’s also the expectation, celebrity or not, that you aren’t supposed to have a voice, if you’re not directly involved in the ‘political world’: “And if we’re not supposed to know and not supposed to get involved in the discussion, then that’s why I made the record, you know, because i don’t believe that.” When told that the song is being looked at as a “publicity stunt” due to his “career (not being) what it was,” he responded, “This would be the most stupid publicity stunt anyone ever pulled. I mean, look at the publicity I’ve got out of it. I’m not stupid. i knew I was gonna walk into a wall of criticism because these are very reactionary times, but they’re also very urgent times. And i felt that I had to do this.”

i don’t know if i’d call George Michael a big ‘ol lefty (since i’m not aware of the full scope of his ideological leanings); however, given the scope of his lyrical content, i’d make a safe bet that, if he were still here on earth he’d still be fairly critical regarding the mechanisms of capitalism and imperialism on some level.

What is clear is that he certainly lacked indifference… as did Chumbawamba.

Along the lines of what was said regarding “stimulat(ing) debate and making people dance and laugh,” Chumbawamba said something similar, but much more specific. The cover of Revolution, their 7″ EP released in 1985, stated: “If our music makes you happy, but content, it has failed. If our music entertains, but doesn’t inspire, it has failed. The music’s not a threat. Action that music inspires can be a threat.”
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i don’t remember when it was exactly i first heard Chumbawamba; given that i hung out with Anarchists (and other folks on the left), i was exposed to Revolution and songs from their earlier period, (especially since i loved bands like Crass). i also loved Anarchist (and adjacent) artists, multimedia artists/culture jammers such as The (International) Noise Conspiracy, Emergency Broadcast Network and Negativeland, and Chumbawamba did a split with them called The ABCs Of Anarchism, inspired by the Alexander Berkman book of the same title, and released in 1999.

i feel like i was living under a rock, because i honestly don’t remember much about Tubthumper at the time of its release in 1997. i don’t remember hearing the song (and of course, purchasing the album) until much later. What i do remember was that in the early 2000s i lived with a housemate who was obsessed with both Zounds and Chumbawamba, and she played the Singsong And A Scrap album, repeatedly. Interestingly, i don’t remember if she played much Crass, or early Chumbawamba.

Chumbawamba in many cases, were location and time specific; even with that, there have been certain songs which have surpassed time and space. Aside from ‘Tubthumping’, the only other song i can think of which has reached the public outside of the hardcore fans (and choirs), is ‘Nazi’ (aka ‘On The Day The Nazi Died’), which was released on 1994’s Showbusiness! There were several remixes and reworkings of the song as well. This was another song i was sitting around listening to, then decided i would attempt to cover it.

A sea shanty-type song, it was inspired after the death of Nazi Rudolph Hess, and the commemorations of him which followed. Given that nazism was inspired by many of the laws and tactics done in the U.S. (which was written about in books such as Hitler’s American Model), i changed the lyrics up a bit, as well as updated them to match more recent events.

We’re told that after ’45
The numbers met with dips
But we’ve seen the files for miles and miles
held together with Paperclips

The preferred history they sell
With evidence clear that they lied
‘Cause they continue to come out the woodwork
Even after the Nazis died

They thought the prisoner at Metropolitan
Was a symbol of defeat
But accountability was not met
And so Epstein kept his seat

And his hope of a “superior gene pool”
Would never materialize
Because on the 10th of August in 2019
Was the day the Nazi died

The society’s riddled with gluttons
Eating at humanity
They’re making a tasty meal of all
The petit-bourgeoisie

In spreading their ideology
Behind social media they hide
Which gave people the illusion
That every Nazi died

So if you meet with an historian
I’ll tell you what to say
Tell them that the Nazis
Never ever went away

They’re out there murdering protesters
And peddling racist lies

And we’ll never rest again…
Until every Nazi dies.

This is just lil ‘ol me, acapella style.

The Country’s On Fire… But There’s Always Music

Posted on January 20, 2026 by jamilah

Well… The U.S. has always been on fire in one way of another since its inception, with its constant state-sanctioned violence, class war, enslavement, and all of the trimmings. But of course the conflagration’s becoming more obvious to those who have not been paying attention, either generationally or by choice.

While technically there’s never, ever been a ‘peacetime’ when it comes to the U.S. (for marginalized folks, and anyone who’s been the target of imperialism), music has always been made, either as a means to communicate what is happening, or to bring people a sense of calm as they go to fight the everyday struggles.

This post represents both elements.
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So many people have beloved punk elder Dave Dictor to thank, whenever they chant “No __________, no KKK, no fascist USA” at a protest.

The primary reference point for many in more recent years was Green Day’s performance of ‘Bang Bang’ at the 2016 American Music Awards; however, given the fact that they’re a Bay Area (California) punk band, it’s guaranteed they listen to MDC (Dictor’s long-running band), and most likely saw them at Gilman Street.

Born in Austin, Texas; MDC (which is an acronym for everything from Millions of Dead Cops, Multi-Death Corporations, Millions Of Dead Children, etc.) was one of several amazing bands from the area, such as Dicks, Big Boys, and D.R.I. They did eventually move to the Bay Area, and around this time they also released their first album, Millions of Dead Cops, in 1982. Like many of their peers the album addressed and critiqued capitalism and its many appendages and branches (such as state violence, homophobia, consumerism, racism, corporatism, and more). ‘Born To Die’ (the song where the chant was born) is a classic in the band’s catalog- in fact, the band reworked it in 2016 to add ‘Trump’ instead of the original ‘war’.

(i personally think ‘war’ is more fitting, since every president is a figurehead who ramps up war against the masses, whether that’s internationally or domestically… Yes, including Jimmy Carter. Please study what happened with Indonesia and the people of East Timor, among other things.)

For this cover of ‘Born To Die’, jesse (who is not really into hardcore at all) was kind enough to lend his voice to some gang vocals. Everything else (vocals, percussion, tambourine, cowbell, handclaps, bass, and melodica) is me.

i will be back on the drum kit soon; i’ve just not been in a headspace (or capacity) lately to go down and play a whole setup, even though i still have the desire to create and play music, which i have been doing- i’ve released a couple of EPs over the past few months.

i am hoping you who is reading and listening, enjoy these more ‘stripped down’ covers though.

The next song is from a band i have covered on this site before, despite already knowing i could never do them justice: NoMeansNo. They are one of my favorite ever bands in the whole entire world, and while i in no way have the musical chops to attempt even a quarter of this band’s catalog, i sometimes am up for a good challenge.

Like a majority of the covers i do on this site, i learn them in one to two days. Again, it is a challenge, and it is more for fun than anything else.

‘Joy’ is the opening track from their 1995 album The Worldhood of the World (As Such). It is a song i have wanted to cover for many, many years but never attempted, since (again) i am not a good musician. i have actually only seen one person ever cover it. As a lyrics person i actually don’t mind that the song only utilizes one word, and it truly conveys everything. The song sounds like pure joy, amid the sea of despair, cynicism, depravity and dark comedy of the band’s catalog. Not only is the song one of the greatest openers on a NoMeansNo album; it’s one of the greatest album openers of all time. It also contains one of my top five riffs of all time.

With so much happening in the world (from the hands of U.S. empire), i figured it would be nice to have a bit of a balance… by way of a band from Victoria, B.C. (Canada).

i sing here (obviously)… or yell? i also play percussion, tambourine, handclaps, bass and melodica.

i don’t cover a lot of pop songs on here, mainly for a couple of reasons:

i (again) am not a good musician. i know people consider pop music in general to be vapid and/or derivative; however, the level of musicianship to play it tends to be ignored. While some of the more modern pop songs are built off of samples and/or sound very mechanical, the people who get hired to play as the backing band for the biggest artists are top notch musicians who can play a diverse range of genres.

i am not a good singer. There’s not much else to say about that.

That said, ‘King Of Wishful Thinking’ by Go West is a song i’ve also wanted to cover for many years, but did not for the reasons stated above. i had no idea how i would have approached it. i almost considered trying it on piano, but i already knew it would not have sounded good.

‘King’ most famously made its presence around the world via the soundtrack of the 1990 film, Pretty Woman. Interestingly, i had the soundtrack on cassette when it came out, but i don’t recall anything about the movie, outside of one or two clips i’ve seen. i can’t even recall if i’ve actually seen it outside of those clips. In terms of the soundtrack, i don’t remember much about that either, except for three artists: Roxette, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Go West.

There was something about Go West’s song that was always the most memorable for me though; despite (again) primarily being a lyrics person, i am a sucker for specific chords and layers. Even the drum programming (by Peter Wolf) lacks the sterility of many songs of that era, and in future years. It also could not have hurt that significant players from the Michael Jackson and Earth, Wind & Fire universes participated in the recording: Jerry Hey (trumpet and horn arrangements), David Williams (guitar), Gary Grant (trumpet), Larry Williams (saxophone) and Dorian Holley (background vocals).

Co-writer Peter Cox’ Bill Medley-esque vocals also fascinated me when i first heard them. Go West were pegged solidly in the pop realm overall (particularly given that the main chord structure of the song is not unlike some other UK-based pop songs during that era), but those vocals were definitely giving ‘Blue-eyed soul’.

i was not aware there was a music video for the song up until a few years ago; the surrealist/absurdist ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ theme was a bit off-putting to me (especially when they brought the poor elephant and zebra in), and it immediately reminded me of the nonsensical spectacle that is the video to Michael Jackson’s ‘Liberian Girl’.

But then i began to think again about the concept, as i was working on the cover.

While it most likely was a logistical means of eluding any sort of copyright entanglements regarding the film; thematically, in the end it makes sense. The narrator is literally having a one-sided conversation, in regard to a romantic breakup which does not appear to be amicable- while it appears to lean on the side of the narrator being dumped, there’s no specificity as to whether or not this is the case. The person he’s separated from appeared to be a significant part of his world; and while he recognizes the futility of it all, he’s in sheer denial of the reality of the split. He specifically repeats before and during the chorus that he’s got to fool himself and pretend that the cessation of this particular pairing is one that he’s finally come to terms with. The stoicism he’s displaying on the surface is met with more than a tinge of hope- but deep inside, the shell has already cracked… and what comes out is the absurdity of the facade.

Continually telling yourself something that you yourself do not believe, makes about as much sense as that music video.

For the cover i make an attempt at vocals; i also play melodica, percussion, a salt shaker that a friend made for me, bass, tambourine and handclaps.

And coming full circle (in more ways than one), the final song for this post is another one i immediately fell in love with when i first heard it, but cannot explain why: ‘Coming Clean’ by Green Day.

i was a Green Day appreciator from the Lookout! days, so when they came out with Dookie, i was all over it. In fact, my first and only time seeing them was on the tour for this album- 17 March 1994 (at Irving Plaza), with another Lookout! band, Tilt, opening.

My two favorite Green Day songs of all time are ‘2000 Light Years Away’ from Kerplunk (1992) and ‘Coming Clean’. Do they have better-written songs than those two? Absolutely…. but i do not care.

There is validity to wisdom; however, if one claims to have life entirely figured out, regardless of age, i feel as if this person has ceased to experience life. If you are above ground, there are always experiences and mistakes to learn from.

i am about to be 50 this year, and i’m still figuring out what it means to be a being on this planet. Having experienced a near-fatal accident, i particularly am still figuring out, five years later, what it means to be in this amputee body.

17 though? That was an interesting age. It was when i started my first band. It was also the year after i officially came out to my mother that i was not hetero, and despite our (more than) strained relationship over the years she was supportive, in her own way. i don’t even think i felt any sense of significant relief in my reveal. There was nothing i recall that was celebratory about it. It just felt more as a ‘Why not?’ My guess is that she knew before i even told her, but i could not even tell you if she remembers this moment, as it was fairly uneventful.

When i first heard ‘Coming Clean’ i had no idea it was about Billie Joe Armstrong’s coming to terms with his bisexuality. i connected the song in relation to the general anxiety that comes with the liminal period between the finality of teendom and approaching adulthood. i’ve seen very few interviews with the band over the years (despite listening to the music), so i only found out about the actual meaning around 20 years later, and thus, i followed this knowledge up with a rabbit hole. i’ve seen so few interviews over the years, that i had no idea until recently there was actually Billie Joe and Tré lore. While Lars Ulrich and Kirk Hammett were amusingly (and beautifully) taking the piss at the hypermasculinity and queer-antagonism in the metal and rock scenes via the portmanteau of KLARS; and while they are open allies to queer and trans folks, they both (as far as i know) are heterosexual. i was also familiar with KLARS as it was going on in real time in the 90s, so while Billie Joe and Tré’s antics do remind me of that, at least one (if not both) of the pair is openly queer.

It all ended up making so much sense to me- and it made me love the song even more.

i initially was going to give this cover the full band treatment at some point last year, but as previously mentioned, i haven’t been in the headspace to do it. Speaking of liminal spaces…

About 15 or so years ago i used to play the ukulele all the time; it was always tuned to my favorite key of all time: F#m… at least i think it was.

Given that i still want to play music in some capacity (despite my headspace), i’ve currently been gravitating toward the melodica (obviously), and re-gravitating toward the ukulele. So of course, i did what i had to do, and learned the chords of ‘Coming Clean’ on the ukulele. In the initial version i did (just trying to work out the song), i ended up hearing a bossa nova beat in my head, so i ended up playing it in the way you are hearing it in this recording.

It’s just vocals, a ukulele and the salt shaker.

Thank you for listening… This post is dedicated to anyone out there who needs some positive energy, in the midst of struggle.

Also: Fuck ICE and fuck fascism.

Metallica Fridays (no. 38): The Justice Medley!!!!

Posted on December 27, 2024 by jamilah

This is going to be incredibly short (for me).

So much has happened since the last post- besides the unfortunately extended periods of deep depression episodes; in between that, i actually made a record! i played all of the instruments (drums, bass, guitars, keys and ukulele) as well as did all of the vocals. Around the time i was in the process of sending the record off to be pressed, one of my closest friends passed. i feel like i have somewhat processed it- only somewhat. However, there is a giant piece missing in my life (and my heart) right now.

i did quite a bit of traveling in between posts as well- in some of that, i ended up seeing a bunch of Metallica shows, for their first leg of the M72 tour. i ended up making some wonderful friendships, and finally meeting people in person that i’ve communicated with through email or text. As a matter of fact, i saw them not too long after my friend passed, and it was cathartic to be at a concert of a band i connect with in a spiritual sense, and thinking of my dear friend as i am there. As they opened with Ennio Morricone’s ‘The Ecstasy Of Gold’ (as they do every concert), tears fell down my face.
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We are here now… with another medley!

This medley came about, as i was inspired by Seb, who runs the RIFF LIFE site. He’s been holding a contest for people to do a medley of songs from the …And Justice For All album. He’s always encouraging me to enter these contests, and i never do it. i don’t feel i’m good enough to enter a contest for a band like Metallica.

Has that changed? Nope. i’m still not good enough to enter a Metallica contest. But i did it anyway.

This is an album i’ve actually only done a handful of songs for, for these Metallica Fridays posts. i figured i would break my six month fast from playing drums, with playing songs from this album. There are a few mistakes made (but what is new?), but it felt good to sit at the drums again.

The thing is, i was pretty excited to put the medley together, and i made it without reading the rules of the contest. There were several things i missed- for starters, i ended up covering every song, so the video was much longer than required.

With that, today’s post will be the medley, as this will perhaps be a good way to help me get back in the groove- no pun intended. i sincerely thank everyone who takes the time out of their day to peruse these posts (and/or actually watches the videos and reads the text). i hope this post is just as positive for you.

Metallica Fridays (no. 37): The Best Way To Return…

Posted on May 31, 2024 by jamilah

It has been four months since i’ve posted on here, and six months since i’ve made a Metallica-dedicated post. it’s also been a few months since i’ve regularly played music.

Some time in between then we had a basement flood. Fortunately nothing was damaged, but we still had to spend a bit of time moving things around, drying the floor, then putting everything back. Since my drum setup is slightly unorthodox, i had to try and remember where things went. While i put everything back where it originally was since i last played (for the most part), i’m still experimenting to see what works best.

i don’t know how many people play drums in a wheelchair, but it isn’t easy. Since my right knee doesn’t bend my amputated leg just sticks out (which i’m sure you have seen in videos here). i cannot sit on a ‘traditional’ drum stool, since with one leg i have absolutely no support. i am on the lookout for something that has arms or support on the sides, so my legs don’t get all cut up from the sides when i play in the wheelchair- when i forget to add support.
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While i’m totally not yet completely set up in the ways i really want to be, i did want to get back on the drums. The first full song i played to commemorate the return was my favorite song on St. Anger– ‘Purify’. i actually did play drums to this song a couple of years ago… When i was initially trying to figure out how to play the song. i had an idea of what it sounded like in my head, but when i play it back i have no choice but to ask myself what that was. It wasn’t that good. And as critical i am (and will always be) of my playing, i have to say that there’s definite improvements in the two years since first playing the song.

But that’s what this website is about- a journey. i’m not the greatest player in the world, and i’m not even that great. What i am though, is doing something i love to do.

There’s so much i love about this song- the lyrical utilization of ‘turpentine’ as something analogous to the process of therapy; the 3/4 count of the verses (and James Hetfield’s counter-rhythm vocals), the verse riff, Bob Rock’s bass (which gets little to no credit at all); and of course, the groove, use of silence and swing in Lars Ulrich’s playing. People continually concentrate praise unto Lars for what he did with the first four albums. the man is my greatest musical inspiration, so of course i love what he does on every single album. That said, St. Anger contains some of the most adventurous playing he’s done in his entire life.

‘Purify’ is, from what i can see, one of Metallica’s most complex (or unorthodox) songs in their whole catalog. There are definitely songs with odd timings or switch-ups (based on what Lars is playing), such as ‘Orion’, ‘Battery’ and ‘Blackened’. Despite 3/4 not being an odd timing in general (it is essentially a waltz count), both the stop/start of the verses, plus the riff at the end make ‘Purify’ specifically unusual. This is not unlike what bands such as Helmet (another one of my favorite bands) have done, with songs like ‘Turned Out’, which is in 5/4. Lars is not as dynamic of a player as John Stanier (or Kyle Stevenson, Helmet’s current drummer)- Lars pretty much hits hard, and doesn’t do a lot of ghost notes, for instance. It’s clear though, that jazz has influenced Lars’ style on some level, something he does have in common with players like Stanier, or Brooks Wackerman.
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i don’t in any way profess to be as good as Lars- firstly, he’s been playing way longer than me. Secondly, i have one foot, so playing the double bass that is needed for this song (and much of the catalog) is going to be impossible. Third, the foot and ankle that actually are functional aren’t the strongest, so i make other patterns with the kick that will (hopefully) compliment my physical limitations.

And while i’m in the middle of still sorting everything out post-flood, hopefully things don’t sound too bad.

(Thanks to Angelo for creating the visual at the end.)

BAD RELIGION (part 2): A TRIBUTE TO ALL THE ALBUMS!!!

Posted on January 30, 2024 by jamilah

i have never been a good singer, but i have always loved doing it.

Ever since i was a child, music was always in my system. i wrote my first song when i was 8 years old, and not too soon after that i was co-creating songs with my sister (who was a far better singer than i). The more i began to write and listen to music, the more i became attracted to harmonies and background singing, to the point i thought i wanted to do it professionally… even though i know i would never be hired.

i loved harmonies almost as much as i loved the drums. No matter the song or genre there was always, as the Buzzcocks song states, a harmony in my head (i will not let the irony slip that there’s a certain (popular) Bad Religion song with an uncannily similar bridge/middle 8 riff). It got to the point sometimes where i’d tune out the lead parts.

When Bad Religion came into my life as a teenager, it felt like a wonderland. Despite being an angry punk kid (screaming and ‘singing’ in punk and indie bands), and even as i agree with the sentiment that punk is a type of folk music; i’ve never been an aggressive singer. My vocals would probably fall more in line with a more ‘traditional’ folk sensibility. i always wished i could scream like the greatest hardcore singers, or sing as smooth or effortlessly as Luther Vandross or Phyllis Hyman, but the universe did not deal me that hand. i’m not sure exactly what the universe gave me, but i deal with my limitations in the best ways i can. Like everything else in life.
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Greg Graffin was the first person whose vocals i ever fell in love with (The second person is Mahmoud Ahmed). There are plenty of singers whom i’ve loved (and continue to love) over the years; however, it wasn’t a particular Bad Religion album, but their performance at the Olympic Auditorium in 1984 (which was the Flipside fanzine-released concert that i had a copy of on VHS as a teenager) that grabbed the depths of my heart. It was like, you could be a punk kid and not have to scream. Graffin’s vocals subsequently improved (obviously), but there was something in his vocals on that video that grabbed me- the occasional vibrato, or the penchant for utilizing harmony as a lead voice. There was the simultaneous roughness and vocal fry, with the warmth and musicality not common among his peers. i loved the songs (which is why i got the tape), but i was primarily fixated on the vocals- which is a rare occurrence for me, as i am more of a lyrics person than anything else.

Besides James Hetfield, Graffin is my favorite rock singer, if you can call him that. As a teenager i wasn’t aware of his choir training (or his other musical interests) as a youth, but in retrospect it’s easy to see the approach he utilizes as a vocalist stems from some of that training. When talking about range and dynamics, there tends to be a greater focus on belters or screamers. Very few people i’ve seen cover BR’s songs (including myself) don’t particularly have the range he has.
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In terms of figuring out what songs to do for this post… i couldn’t. It was too difficult. They have too many songs i love, so i decided to pay respect to their whole catalog: yes, including Into The Unknown, an album i absolutely adore. i do not care what Brett Gurewitz or anyone else says- this album is among the top 3 of my favorite BR albums. Not only was it (at least to me) an incredibly sincere response to the increasing violence and machismo in the punk scene, but it also symbolized a lot of what musically inspired them, even if those inspirations were not apparent on their first EP and album (Bad Religion and How Can Hell Be Any Worse?, respectively). The band should not be ashamed at all of that album. The rough production belied the great work that it actually is. It also birthed the trajectory of where the band’s harmonic sensibilities lie.

If the band’s albums collectively sounded consistently like the first one; as much as i love that album, Bad Religion certainly would not be one of my all-time favorite bands. They certainly do have a dependable formula which has contributed to their success (not unlike the Ramones or AC/DC); but as much as they’ve collectively derided the album over the years (Gurewitz in particular), it is the experience of Into The Unknown that led them to the path they decided to trudge, for better or worse. It is possibly with this understanding that they’ve played select songs from the album in more recent years (including a surprise 2021 performance).

Yes, i do have an original copy of this album, and i am very happy. It is an amazing album and no one can tell me otherwise.

While i love the band’s whole catalog (including the (again) second album, as well as all of the Atlantic Records period), i had to be a bit scientific in terms of what songs i chose. i combed through the catalog with the understanding that i could probably sing harmonies to every single one of these songs, but would i be able to sing the lead? What significance or impact do these particular songs have in my life, enough for me to want to do them? Could i make them the least bit interesting?

Like the last post, i decided to arrange many of the songs in F#m (F sharp minor), which was not that easy of a task, especially when utilizing the higher ranges of my voice. The only thing i can say is that i hope i was respectful.

The songs chosen for this medley were:

Anxiety (No Control)
Generator (Generator)
The Voracious March Of Godliness (No Substance)
Time And Disregard (Part III) (Into The Unknown– My favorite song on the album)
Million Days (Into The Unknown)
Only Entertainment (Generator)
The Handshake (Stranger Than Fiction)
What It Is (Stranger Than Fiction)
Pride And The Pallor (The Dissent Of Man)
Individual (Stranger Than Fiction)
God’s Love (The Empire Strikes First)
Recipe For Hate (Recipe For Hate)
The Profane Rights Of Man (The Age Of Unreason)
Pessimistic Lines (Suffer)
Inner Logic (Stranger Than Fiction– This album is probably also in the top 3 of my favorite BR albums, i seem to have done a lot of songs here)
Part II (The Numbers Game) (Suffer)
Kyoto Now! (The Process Of Belief– a top 5 BR song for me)
Don’t Sell Me Short (The New America– This is in the top 3 of my favorite BR songs)
Get Off (Against The Grain)
Nobody Listens (The Gray Race)
Nothing To Dismay (True North)
Old Regime (The Age Of Unreason)
Vanity (True North)
52 Seconds (New Maps Of Hell)

After i compiled the songs and put them in the order i was going to do them, i played drums as a skeleton for the medley (versus the other post, where i did the vocals first). The medley consists of just me playing drums, and doing a bunch of vocals (i’m not as great of a singer as Greg Graffin, but i hope it’s again, respectful to the band and their wonderful albums).

If you are an appreciator of Bad Religion, you perhaps noticed that the medley above contained every album except for the first- and you would be correct, because i decided to do full band covers of a couple of songs.

My favorite song from How Can Hell Be Any Worse? is actually ‘In The Night’, but for this post i decided to cover the classic ‘We’re Only Gonna Die’ (or its alternately named full title, ‘We’re Only Gonna Die (From Our Own Arrogance)’. For some reason i decided to make it extremely fast, so given i’m not that great at guitar as it is, i wasn’t even going to attempt to play it here. Instead, i just layered the track with two basses- one doing ‘regular’ bass duties, and the other plugged into a Big Muff. It also wouldn’t be a proper Bad Religion cover without a tribute to Graffin’s random pointing. i probably didn’t point enough, to be honest. i’m horrible.

(A lot of people talk about the Sublime cover of this song being the quintessential one. i disagree (homeboy)- the best rendition of this song (outside of the original) is the Biohazard cover… and not even that touches the original. Ironically, i played it as fast as the Sublime version.)

We shall round out this post with another top 3 song (and a fan/appreciator favorite), ‘Along The Way’. Considering this song to be “as close as (he) ever got to being religious,” Graffin wrote the lyrics in memory of his dear friend Tommy George. The song is up there with ‘Maureen’, my favorite Sade song. Both songs are simple, yet effective.

Both songs are close to my heart, and remind me of one of my closest friends, Barry Hampton, who physically transitioned in February of 2011. He was my rock in the midst of turbulence. i miss our late night conversations, and his moving through the world with an absence of fear. It’s difficult to develop solid/substantial friendships in this day and age (especially being an amputee), so i cherish every moment. After i recorded the song i said to myself, ‘i should have replaced ‘Tommy’ with ‘Barry”; the sentiment is still the same.

i also kept things to the double-layered bass, drums and vocals, but the Gibson 2019 SG tribute makes the briefest of appearances. i am in no way, shape or form Greg Hetson, so i’m not even going to attempt doing a Hetson-level solo. That said, i wanted to add a tiny bit of something, even if it’s not a mindblowing solo. And besides, it’s a BR cover; and putting the SG somewhere makes sense.

This post is dedicated to Derek and Andreas- i hope i did alright.

And your name here. Of course.

BAD RELIGION (in F#m)!!!

Posted on December 23, 2023 by jamilah

“We made a conscious decision, that in fusing our songs with these kinds of… to some people erudite;but I’d say higher consciousness, kinda nerdy type topics… was a way of stimulating conversation outside of the music venue. As I went on in my academic career I did that in science and in lecturing and places like that. And it gives me just as big a thrill to hear about these kids who come up to us all the time and say, you know, ‘I’m studying biology now because of a song that you wrote’, or ‘I’m gonna be a philosopher because of the song that you wrote.'”

Greg Graffin, 2013

Anyone reading this blog regularly knows that Bad Religion is one of my all-time favorite bands; i’ve actually covered them a couple of times (here and here). There are a few of the band’s positions i don’t particularly agree with (for starters, i am politically quite a bit more to the left than its members (if you can believe that); also, i am neither an atheist nor agnostic). That said, while i believe a spiritual or religious practice is something that can be helpful or provide structure to one’s life, i also hold the belief that a secular society devoid of the toxic dogmatism that exists in some circles is a far more progressive and humanistic society. i am an advocate for science. Additionally, i do not hold the belief that evolution and nature (or even a belief in God (or a higher being)) are mutually exclusive. Even if one holds steadfast in a religious practice, asking constant questions should be crucial in that practice.

The problem is that whether political, ideological or religious, some of the staunchest ‘believers’ refuse to ask questions. This is the ultimate proclamation of the band. Not all members of Bad Religion are even staunch atheists- there exists a spectrum of relative belief and non-belief in what society collectively holds as ‘God’. The statement is clear, even on their first album, How Could Hell Be Any Worse?:

It’s all right to have faith in god
But when you bend to their rules and their fucking lies
That’s when I start to have pity on you.

You’re living on a mound of dirt,
But you can’t explain your reason for existence
So you blame it on god.

So much hatred in this world and you can’t decide
Who’s pulling the strings
So you figure it’s god.

Your whole life foreshadows death
And you finally realize you don’t want to die alone
So you’ll always have god.

How we are meant to view (the specifically Christian interpretation of) God is based on individual perceptions and convenience. It is never consistent.

While Greg Graffin exclaims he “ain’t no deist” in the song ‘Materialist’ from The Process Of Belief, there are the additional lyrics: “The process of belief is an elixir when you’re weak/
I must confess, at times I indulge it on the sneak.”

i hold pretty strong political positions. That said, while i don’t identify as a Marxist-Leninist or Stalinist i am a person who honors dialectical and historical materialism, therefore it would make little sense of me to not ask questions of even beliefs or ideologies i hold. This is how we progress in accordance to particular material conditions at any given time. Nothing about life is static. (And i do see a connection between religion/spirituality and revolution, since it is material by its very nature, despite hardcore religious folks choosing to leave that out).

Despite not being an atheist or agnostic, i think the questions the band asks (not only of themselves, but the listener) are extremely critical. One also doesn’t necessarily have to wholly agree with a band’s views to enjoy them- as long as those views are not harmful and inhumane.

Additionally, the songs are well-crafted.
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The first BR (as they will herein and interchangeably be called) album i ever heard was No Control, and i immediately fell in love. The album was released one day before i turned 13, but of course, i heard it a few years later at the age of 15 or 16. i was an angry young punk kid back then, but i’ve always had an incredibly soft spot for harmonies, and always sang them to songs that didn’t have them. i used to also watch the Flipside-released concert a lot, where they did many of the songs from both their first (self-titled) EP, as well as their first album.

When Graffin, in an interview with Rolling Stone in 1994 said that “(f)olk music usually has an emphasis on the lyrics and melody. And those lyrics are usually relevant in some way. And it’s populist in scope, which is also true of Bad Religion,” this makes total sense to me. He added, “So it’s more meant to draw some parallels between the two. And I think even my voice and my delivery can be thought of as a little bit folky.”

No Control satiated my desire to have music that was both critical of society, as well as carry impressive harmonies. It also further encouraged my love of reading, and the teenage me had to constantly pick up a dictionary or thesaurus, as the lyrics educated me on new words. i played that cassette what seemed like every day, among additionally getting their other albums. Their songs lent to various subjects i was passionate about at the time (and still am)- the Earth’s destruction due to human apathy, callousness and plundering of resources; fervent right-wing religious nationalism; and of course, the refusal to ask questions of the societies we live in, and the practices we partake in.

And the palaces now stand where the coffins all were laid,
And the times we see ahead, we must glaze with rosy hues,
For we don’t wish to admit what it is we have to lose.
Millenia incoming, the modern age is here.
It sanctifies the future, yet renders us with fear.

As i was coming to actively resist was was taught to me, Change Of Ideas was a much welcomed song in my life.
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Graffin, the band’s co-founder, lead vocalist and primary co-writer (as well as its longest-serving member in their 43-year existence) received a Bachelor of Science from UCLA, as well as a Ph.D in zoology from Cornell University. In addition to being in a punk band, he alternates as a professor and lecturer. i was not aware of this fact when i first got into his band, but in all my years of listening to them it makes absolute sense.

He has written university-based dissertations, as well as several books which are a reflection of his humanist/naturalist ideas. While Do What You Want reflects on the collective joys and struggles of the band; Population Wars and Anarchy Evolution emphasize the connections between community, art and science. Punk Paradox, as a memoir, leans even more on the personal and contemplative. Even as, again, i am not a ‘nonbeliever’, his writing ropes you in and takes you on a journey. As a person who is a writer and loves writing… a lot (yet still struggles with the label); as a person who is a better writer than speaker; and as a person who is attracted to particular styles of writing (including the various ways people alter traditions of language), Graffin certainly has a way with words.

How he makes a connection between a mosh pit and the punk community and evolutionary biology in chapter 7 of Anarchy is incredibly compelling. In chapter 6 of Population he recounts a story of a woman sneezing close to him on a plane, utilizing this as an example of how population wars are also an internal, biological factor. He follows this with a fascinating experience he had visiting a cathedral in Cologne, Germany: “I may not “believe,” but I can respect the human achievement involved in the building of it, especially considering that work started in 1248, centuries before the first bulldozer or high-rise crane.”

In a passage evocative of a BR lyric, he adds: “I stand next to a teenager speaking Spanish; he’s wearing cutoff shorts and a T-shirt that says “Hellfest 2013.” We are joined by a noisy gang of Americans, talking loudly about their visit to the Cathedral of the Saint John the Divine in New York last Christmas for a new-age music concert performed by Paul Winter. In fact, it seems that most of the visitors from distant lands were simply eager to marvel at the grandiosity of the building. I noticed, furthermore, that only a very small percentage of people who enter this “active place of worship” seem interested in any kind of traditional prayer or pilgrimage.”
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While all members throughout the history of the band have had a hand in co-writing a song or two, Brett Gurewitz has been the other primary songwriter, making him and Graffin, according to some, the ‘Lennon and McCartney of punk.’ While he took a leave of absence for a few years (focusing largely on running Epitaph Records (among other things)), his presence and influence has always been powerful. Gurewitz currently doesn’t tour extensively with the band but still creates with them. While Graffin’s pen game is indicative of his time and tenure as a professor (and evolutionary biologist), ‘Mr. Brett’ is no slouch when it comes to the five dollar words. His less than veiled nod to pop sensibilities and keen wit (plus slight sentimentality) are a perfect balance to Graffin’s biting sarcasm and folk influences.

The reason why Bad Religion are so effective as a musical and cultural entity/institution though, cannot simply be because of these two. Jay Bentley (who spent a bit of time in T.S.O.L.)’s effective, walking bass lines, as well as the positive energy he displays on stage and off can never be understated. Guitarists Brian Baker, Greg Hetson and Mike Dimkich (who have history in Minor Threat/Dag Nasty, Circle Jerks and the Cult respectfully- Hetson is no longer in BR) have given the band specific texture and layers that aren’t necessarily common among their peers; Jay Ziskrout, Pete Finestone, Bobby Schayer, Brooks Wackerman (whose roots are in jazz and currently plays with Avenged Sevenfold) and Jamie Miller are all important contributing factors to the drumming legacy of the band. While you can hear distinct personalities in each of them (particularly the longer-serving drummers); there is a simultaneous seamlessness that hasn’t been interrupted.

“When it comes down to it, songwriting is self-control. Most of what you spend your day doing, you have to throw away at the end of the day. It’s not good enough. You think it sounds cool, but it’s just not good enough. It’s hard work. It’s not fun. It can be torture, but when you get a song right it’s the most life-affirming thing. It’s pure elation.”

Greg Graffin

The other reason for the band’s effectiveness is because the lyrics display a significant timelessness. Despite a very thinly veiled cynicism overlooking the subject matter, there is also more than a glimmer of optimism. On The Gray Race (their second album from the Atlantic Records period), chapter 17 of Do What You Want describes Graffin stating in interviews that the album is “the band’s most emotional album.”

“Although it’s not a concept album, the title track serves as an organizing principle for the rest of the record. The gray race is the human species because we are the only species on the planet that can see things in terms other than black-and-white, e.g., fight or flight, kill or be killed, et cetera. Humans can perceive a middle ground that encompasses a wide range of emotions like love, empathy, kindness , and other altruistic impulses, i.e., the feelings that give life meaning. Despite this ability, our species continually creates systems that encourage (if not enforce) a black-and-white duality to existence that is responsible for war, sickness, starvation, and a host of other maladies that could be prevented if we worked together as a species. This album’s message is simple: either we have to create new ways of coexisting in the world or we are doomed to destroy one another.”

It is here i will mention Paul Dedona (bass) or Davy Goldman (drums)’s contributions to the much-maligned second (album) release, Into The Unknown. Synth heavy, it was an incredible departure for the band to take, after releasing a seminal, heavily lauded inaugural album. i would personally compare this to the public’s unfavorable reception upon the release of Lou Reed and Metallica’s Lulu (and St. Anger, to a degree). And just like with those two albums, i actually really like Into The Unknown. While the band has performed a couple of the songs live within the past 10 or so years, the album seems to be largely ignored in their sets, from what i can see.

The Todd Rundgren-produced The New America is another album that tends to be lower on peoples’ BR lists- including the band, based on their not-so-positive experiences with Rundgren (who was a childhood hero of Graffin’s) among other things. Bad Religion is one of those bands where i have all of their studio albums; at this point they have 17 of them. And like with Metallica, there are some albums i connect with more than others, yet i do not dislike any of them at all.
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Although i had covered a couple of their songs on this blog (as mentioned), and even suggested that a fuller post would be done in the future; it was a conversation i had with my friend Christian (who i discovered was a lover of BR as well) that inspired the actual idea to do it sooner than later. The seed that got the conversation with him was actually my last post, where i opined that a certain section of Metallica’s ‘Spit Out The Bone’ sounded like it would be welcome as a Bad Religion song.

In the course of struggling to figure out which songs i was going to cover, an idea began to flourish. Knowing they downtune their songs live (as many do), i recognized that more than a few of them happen to be in my favorite key of all time: F sharp minor, or F#m.

This has been my favorite key in the whole world since a child, but i had no idea what it was called until more recently, to be honest. i cannot read music, and i would not be able to play back a note if you asked me what it was- except this one, i suppose. i also cannot play a barre chord on the guitar to save my life, and apparently an F#m is difficult to play for many guitar players, from the little research i did.

Now that i had a premise though, i had to choose a collection of songs. Initially i was going to play either the drums or bass (as usual), but i made the decision to go all out and deconstruct the songs in my own way- primarily in F#m. This is the first post i’ve ever done on this site, where all of the songs posted are with instruments completely played by me, from the ground up. There were a few late nights/early mornings spent in the St. Anger room, where jesse poked their head in occasionally to say hello. It intrigues me (and simultaneously makes me laugh) how there’s a whole room of instruments, and jesse has no inclination to play anything in it. i’m definitely interested in seeing more information on the science of humans who have no interest in playing and/or listening to music at all.
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The first thing i realized in the middle of the process of choosing songs is the inevitability of this being a multi-part tribute to this band. They have too many great songs. i am not an advanced (jazz-based) drummer like Brooks Wackerman; i cannot give rousing solos like Greg Hetson; and my singing and writing skills are not as solid as Greg Graffin’s. But i still wanted to do it.

Because i love this band.

One of my favorite things about this band is the harmonies, so i wanted to honor them in this way as well. i opted for trying a ‘Golden Shower Of Hits’ (if you will) via an a capella medley: ’True North’ (True North); ‘Better Off Dead’ (Stranger Than Fiction); ‘Only Rain’ (The Dissent Of Man); ‘My Poor Friend Me’ (Recipe For Hate); and ‘Slumber’ (Stranger Than Fiction).

One thing i will say about recording vocals is that singing through random and sudden physical pain (and occasional internal amputated limb itching that you cannot scratch) is interesting. i am not the greatest singer either, so among the ‘Oozin’ aahs’ you will hear some voice cracks, and some ‘interesting’ notes.

In the Rolling Stone issue mentioned above, Graffin also said this: “We actually try to keep opinions out of it, usually. Our music is just based on relevant issues, that’s all I can say. Politics are all about getting people to think your way. It’s subtle or sometimes overt coercion, and that’s the opposite of what Bad Religion are all about.” While they didn’t necessarily talk consistently about specific political parties in their music at the time of the interview, i’ve always seen the band’s content as being staunchly political, as everything we do is informed by politics. Environmentalism and a heavy critique on right wing cristofascism are indeed political subjects.

That said, in terms of the common perception people have when it comes to ‘politics’, the band were also pretty decisive in their wrath for the Bush and Trump administrations specifically, and made songs (and you could say albums) barely concealing said wrath. Evidence of this altered trajectory over the years was made from Brett Gurewitz in 2019: “In this time of tribal nationalism, dissent, as a form of political speech, is vital to democracy.” In 2016 one of the t-shirts repping the ‘Vox Populi’ tour had a not-so favorable position on both Trump and Hillary Clinton- a position i definitely agree with the band on. I tend to have a rule on not wearing t-shirts of tours i have not seen (and it’s hard to catch a show of theirs since they tend to sell out immediately), but this is the one occasion i can think of, in terms of breaking that rule. i saw BR for the first time ever this year actually, at the Download Festival (in the UK). There were only a handful of bands i wanted to see (Metallica, The HU and Soul Glo were among the three i caught out of the handful, but i missed most of them based on how inaccessible the area was… While i HEARD THEIR SET from the outside, I MISSED MUNICIPAL WASTE- BOOOO); Bad Religion were added pretty soon before the festival to replace The Distillers. Things were made better when i ended up meeting these men from Nottingham, who were also massive BR fans. We all danced and screamed the lyrics together and celebrated life- one of the men was a cancer survivor.

i’m speaking of this because The Empire Strikes First is, for all intents and purposes, a decisively political album (in the way politics is usually addressed- the song ‘Let The Eat War’ even includes the overtly political Sage Francis (who was also an artist on Epitaph around this time)).

The album’s cover is interesting, because while it is an image of a man with praying hands, his hands also look bomb-like.

My favorite Bad Religion song of all time as i write this is ‘To Another Abyss,’ which comes from this album. While it is ultimately a song that can be read as a critique of the effects, dynamics, machinations and inhumanity of imperialist war; i also see it as a mini-treatise of sorts, conveying the feeling of living in a place which is incongruous to pretty much everything you stand for ideologically, politically and humanistically; this place you reside (and were most likely born in) is not home, and it ultimately never has been home.

This actually was not an easy song to sing. i have so much respect for Mr. Graffin and his vocal abilities. It just seems so effortless for him.

i did vocals (obviously), and played bass, guitar, drums and keys.

The Process Of Belief is generally seen by the community of fans and admirers as the band’s ‘return to form’; it is also their first album released on Epitaph in nine years (since Recipe For Hate), as well as the point we see Brett Gurewitz’ return as a full member of the band, plus the introduction of Brooks Wackerman. While it is indeed one of my favorite albums from the band, i don’t see their other albums as any less.

‘Bored & Extremely Dangerous’ (the album’s closer) is a heartbreaking song. While it wasn’t nonexistent, the current pervasiveness of the conversation and questions regarding ‘men and boys being left behind, contributing to their isolation and lonliness,’ incels, school/etc. shooters and the like were not as common in 2002 (when this album was released). The lyrics are succinct, and while the song is simultaneously a critique of the human subject in the song and the pernicious culture which births such humans; it is also a very empathetic reading:

A room and empty shelf
A book on mental health
I look for inner wealth
By punishing myself
I’m bored to the extreme
This world of foolish dreams
Disillusion
I am not who I seem to be
Yeah sure I might do harm
And bare my right to arm
RETRIBUTION
If only someone would listen to me
Listen to me

This song is interesting in that it pulls a King Crimson (Or early post-Genesis Peter Gabriel, or something musically similar) and places a bunch of experimental and environmental sounds and echoes in the middle of the song, for about a minute. When they’ve done the song live, Greg Graffin (who has three solo country and folk-influenced albums, which i also have) performs the song on acoustic guitar, while the second half is the whole band, electrically.

i love punk music so much. Your favorite punk bands don’t only listen to punk music. If this were the case, it wouldn’t be particularly interesting as a whole.

i of course, did not include this experimental part when i covered it, and arranged it in a way where the song (hopefully) flows without it. i played bass, vocals, drums, and some (messy) power chords on the guitar.

‘American Jesus’ (from Recipe For Hate) was a song i always wanted to cover, but i wasn’t sure how i was going to address it. i can play the opening riff on guitar- to me, it is one of the greatest riffs of all time- but i cannot play it consistently at 182 BPM, which the song is, without immediately messing it up.

Given the subject of the song, i wanted to open (and only open) with a church organ sound. What ended up happening was that the keys were the thing to drive the song, and i was able to play the riff fast in that way. In the end, the song (ironically, perhaps) ended up sounding similar to what a band like T.S.O.L. would do… or maybe Catholic Discipline?

Bad Religion, again, musically contributed to a conversation that was not as pervasive (though still existent) as it is now, back in 1993. Christian nationalism is very real (to the point where hardcore evangelical folks in the U.S. now find Jesus… JESUS- to be too liberal. i mean, if you actually take what was written about Jesus literally, the man waged a praxis of socialist principles. The fact that there are people who consider themselves Christians, yet are opposed to the teachings of someone they claim to worship and consider God… This should tell you a lot about the driving principles and ideologies of this country).

If i was suddenly dropped into a random city in the U.S. without any knowledge of its customs, i’d certainly think wholly negatively of Christianity. How it’s generally performed and perceived here (and spread around the world) is incredibly traumatizing and isolating to anyone on the political and social margins.

About the song, when i first heard it it reminded me solidly of the Ramones, so of course in the cover i did i had to give a little nod. i sang (of course) and played keys, bass and drums.

While i was working on the cover i was messing around, and found some pretty cool effects, and playing the ‘American Jesus’ riff reminded me of Kraftwerk. i also added a djembe effect. Pictured in the photo montage are a few of the instruments Kraftwerk used over the years: a Vako Orchestron, a prototype of the Synthanorma sequencer, a Minimoog, and a Maestro Rhythm King (MK-1). It’s a fairly meditative song, in comparison to all the punk you just heard.

This post is dedicated to my fellow lovers of Bad Religion: Bryan, Christian, José, the men from Nottingham, and Chris.

And your name here.

Metallica Fridays (no. 36): Finding Joy Out Of The Smaller Things (no. 8, 932)

Posted on December 15, 2023 by jamilah

Every single member of Metallica has specific quirks that are associated with them. Rob (with his skateboarder style) has the ‘crab walk’ and stomp, Kirk lifts his arms up and smiles in between songs; he also has his beloved wah pedal. James, with his wide stance, sometimes shimmies. All of these things i love to see; that said, i always love watching Lars Ulrich when he plays. Getting up after every song, snapping and yelling “That’s right!” has definitely become a part of his personality, but i love watching him do that because (as seemingly the band’s biggest cheerleader) it’s as if every song is an accomplishment. This is inspiring to me as a person who plays drums, not only because Lars is my greatest musical inspiration; i have to also remember that even though i am not the greatest player, just getting to the drums (or any instrument) and playing is an accomplishment. Learning a song is an accomplishment, even if it’s not played in the same way as the original song.

Even learning that i am able to somewhat ‘decently’ sing the ‘crushing metal’ portion of ‘My Apocalypse’ (my favorite part of the whole Death Magnetic album- those lyrics are something i have actually experienced and survived) in a 1.5 speed a few times before totally messing it up is an accomplishment.

i always cherish moments like these, because they’re not always there- sometimes on the same day. Most days i learn to manage (where no one would even know if i’m in the middle of an episode), and some days it’s a chore to even get through the day.

i’ve spoken about my experience with depression on here quite a bit, as well as my connection with the 72 Seasons album. ’Too Far Gone?’ is a song i fell in love with instantly when i first heard it at the world premiere at the theater, as its lyrics spoke to me deeply:

I, I am tribulation
Digging down to the bone
I, I am agitation
Never leaves me alone
Keep on, push it along
Don’t want to feel this
Sink in, start to believe
That I don’t exist

You’ve begun to spend your life internalizing so much of the trauma you experienced in life on some level, even if you’ve healed from the surface of it. Sometimes you self-medicate; sometimes you harm others, and sometimes you harm yourself. As you identify with this trauma (whether consciously or not) you consider yourself to be at the point where you can’t be redeemed, and you just live with it. ’Too Far Gone?’ reads as a cry for help on one level, and a prayer on another level (as several songs on the album do). 72 Seasons is perhaps Metallica’s best sequenced album- this song is followed by ‘Room Of Mirrors’– and ‘Too Far Gone?’ reads as a perfect meditation on finding the will to experience one more day, even if your brain and body are telling you the opposite.

Never too far gone
I’m never too far gone to save
I can make it through the day

Make it through the day

Just for today

While i have always found connection with the song, it was not until September 14, 2023 when i was moved to tears.

The band premiered ‘Too Far Gone?’ months before at Metlife Stadium (the same place i had the opportunity to meet Rob, Kirk and Lars). Footage from this show ended up being used in a reworked video accompanying the song. In addition to this live footage were shots of Curitiba, Brazil-based Felipe Nunes, a young man who became a double-leg amputee as a child (due to a train accident). His skills developed as he initially used the board as transportation. Tony Hawk became one of his biggest supporters, and Nunes eventually represented as a member of the Birdhouse crew (which is led by Hawk).

When i watched this video (which was directed by Coan Buddy Nichols), i cried.

The video could have taken the ‘inspiration porn’ route, but it was incredibly smart not to. Far too many people who not move through the world as a physically disabled person look at someone like Felipe Nunes and say, ‘This man has no legs; I better stop saying I’m having a rough day, because look at him! He has it harder than I do, and he doesn’t let that stop him from being amazing!’ People mean very well when they say things like that, but there’s a fine line between admiration and condescension. It is okay to acknowledge we all have rough days, whether or not we have a disability.

The video was incredibly moving because it highlighted Nunes’ struggles, as well as his accomplishments. It highlighted him moving through the world as an amputee in an ableist society. Amputees (and other folks with apparent disabilities) tend to be thought of as ‘brave’ or ‘noble’ when simply getting through their day, or doing things they love. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone who is not disabled finding inspiration or admiration but again, there is a fine line. i cannot speak for everyone, but it feels incredibly patronizing when i’m considered to be ‘special’ just because i get out of bed and move through the day. It’s really not that special- in fact, it’s incredibly difficult to do sometimes. Quiet as it’s kept, it’s not too far along the spectrum as someone who says they don’t know if they would even be able to survive if they became an amputee.

The best thing to do are two things: talk to folks who have varying ranges of disabilities (both physical and non) to understand that not all experiences are monolithic, and advocate for building a society that is available to accommodate all bodies and needs.

As a person who skated in my younger days (and stopped in my 20s, which is still relatively early), the video had me once again missing skateboarding. One of my favorite moments in life is meeting Steve Olson, but i digress. The humanistic way in which Nunes was visually weaved into the narrative of the song (plus the band’s acknowledgement of folks in the deaf community (as they made ASL-themed videos of all their songs from 72 Seasons)) gives me a greater level of respect for the band.

i was in an incredible amount of physical pain playing this song (as well as the other song featured in this post), but i pushed through it. i accomplished it. And this is why i smile when i play, and every time i end a song.

Remember that we are never too far gone to ask for help, or reach out, no matter where we are in life, or what our physicality is like.

As anyone who regularly reads this blog knows (and thank you by the way); even though i love all the songs, the ones i choose to play for each post are those i’ve connected to in that moment. Lars once again was the inspiration for choosing to play ‘Spit Out The Bone’ here, the final song on …Hardwired To Self-Destruct. The sequence that opens and closes the song is one of my favorite Lars sequences/fills, and i’ve always loved watching him play on this song (and was incredibly happy to see the band do it at their 40th Anniversary show); but it’s always a song i struggled with, and (obviously) still do. That said, i’m a bit better at it than i was when i made attempts to play it last year. It was pretty bad. i don’t think Lars has ever been one to regularly practice rudiments; they admittedly are not something i practice every day, but i can tell you that getting some rudiments in has helped in being better at songs like this one. This song (as with many of the band’s songs) is not necessarily that easy to do with one leg (and an eternally swollen and weak foot/ankle on the remaining leg). As a person who is right handed i also had to learn to adapt and play similar to a left-handed player, as my right leg isn’t there. It is a whole new language that i am still in the process of learning and getting used to. Sometimes i think that situation is ‘too far gone’ (if you will), but i make due and work around it.

There are so many excellent sections of this song- too many to mention. Metallica songs are like mini books within themselves, with chapters that take you on a journey. One section i will mention is one of the riffs within the bridge… It is the riff that introduces the “Stop breathing/And dedicate to me” line. Amid the narrative of the catastrophe that unchecked technological advances can bring, there is this beautiful riff (and its harmonies) that moves me to tears.

So of course i played it on repeat, because that is what i do. And as i was listening and taking in its beauty i realized that there increasingly are riffs coming from Metallica that remind me of another one of my all-time favorite bands, Bad Religion. i’ve never heard Metallica citing Bad Religion (who laid the groundwork for skate punk and some iterations of pop punk) as an influence at all, despite them both being birthed in Southern California around the same time, and despite Kirk and James being heavily into skating in the 80s. Still, a few of the riffs and harmonies emerging from this later era of Metallica (specifically since Hardwired) don’t seem too estranged from, in my view, one of the greatest punk bands (and bands in general) to exist.

i am absolutely loving it, even if most folks (including the band) may not agree.

Aside from all that, i suppose this has turned into another ‘Thank you Lars’ post. He will never read this, but i still want to acknowledge how he has inspired me to find acceptance of the accomplishments, even if they’re not perfect. Because in all the moments of pain, i still accomplished something.

That’s right.

Metallica Fridays (no. 35): Playing Through The Pain

Posted on December 8, 2023 by jamilah

Currently, i am doing my best to find joy out of the things that make me happy; these things may appear small or insignificant to many, but they are things that keep my brain from going to undesired places- photographs of hands, a peanut in the mouth of the bluejay i saw yesterday; cats… Anything with cats.

And of course, playing music. Sometimes though, your brain is in another space as you are trying to play, and you just cannot seem to get anything right. This post is about one of those days.

If you’re new to this blog, welcome! One thing you must know is that every post i make is about a journey, and not every one is going to be perfect. i am far from the greatest musician, and i make a lot of mistakes; but playing music is definitely one of my ‘happy places’.

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It is amazing that we are at 35 posts, regarding this journey i’ve taken in learning (and playing) Metallica songs to the best of my ability. There are players far superior than me in general (so really, an extra thank you for taking time out of your day and checking out this site)- and despite whatever criticism he gets, Lars Ulrich’s style is not as easy as people think it is. You may be able to ‘play the part’, but he has a particular accent in the drummer’s language that isn’t easy to imitate. While not the most complex, he is one of the most musical drummers i’ve heard, not unlike many a jazz drummer (which i’ve mentioned several times on this site). i think one of the reasons why Metallica is so connective as a band, is because so much of what they do is based around percussion and rhythm. As much as i love Kirk Hammett’s solos and leads (as well as his rhythm work, which he doesn’t get enough credit for), it wasn’t until i began playing their songs on the drums, when i really began to listen to what James Hetfield (as the rhythm guitarist) was actually doing…. because i ended up playing to what he was doing, both on the guitar and vocals. As his style is very percussive, it has been very helpful.

While he is my greatest musical inspiration (and while there are a few cues i use), i don’t particularly play like Lars. i don’t think the point should be to play like him. The more i make these posts though, the more i appreciate why Lars does what he does.

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A few days before this post (December 3) i received notification reminding me that i saw Metallica 32 years ago, in Buffalo, New York. It was the first leg of the Wherever We May Roam tour; i had just turned 15, my favorite song in the whole world at the time was ‘Battery’, and my favorite album was Master Of Puppets. While i very clearly remember some things that occurred at that concert and throughout the night; a lot of it has become a blur to my 47-year old brain. One thing i do remember is the scream i let out when ‘Battery’ came on during one of the three encores. i could have exploded of happiness the moment i heard that opening riff, but i guess i would have missed the song if that happened.

In commemoration of the excitement i felt at that moment 32 years ago- marking it as one of the first ever concerts i’ve been to as well- i decided to play ‘Battery’ on the TAMAs. It’s honestly one of my favorite songs to play on the drums. It’s also got my favorite ever Lars Ulrich fill of all time, which he does variations of several times in the song.

The posts i do are inspired by the songs i am emotionally connected to at the moment, and vice versa.

Within the past week i was listening to ‘Chasing Light’, and i began to cry. i had a similar emotional connection to it upon first hearing it at the theatrical world premiere. It particularly resonated with me this week, because i’ve been struggling internally in ways that aren’t easy to discern right now. Living with depression is much easier when you can trace a particular source of the episode, because you are better able to manage it.

Like many of their songs, this one also can have various interpretations, depending on the listener. For me, it reads doubly as a message regarding both the material and immaterial. It works as a gospel song (for those who turn to a higher power (whether they are called God, Allah, Yahweh, etc.), or the wisdom of the ancestors for guidance). It also works under the utilization of music as a tool and force for healing. i see it as a sibling song to ‘Lux Æterna’ in a way.

In the material sense, i see it as James Hetfield being a little less internal with his writing; it is a little connection in understanding that there have been so many alongside his own journey who have also struggled just as he has, whether they be friends, acquaintances or appreciators of his art. If he can’t speak to everyone personally, ‘Chasing Light’ is his message of encouragement during those troubling times.

Chase that light, lean on me
Face that fight, lean on me
Catch your fall, lean on me
End it all, lean on me
Struggle on, ’cause without darkness
Without darkness, there’s no light

i also see ‘Chasing Light’ as an unspoken number 4 in the ‘Unforgiven’ series.

Ooh, lost his way through wicked streets
But he is someone’s little boy
Oh, all the love a young one needs
Thoughtless elders have destroyed

It is destroyed
He’s just a boy

Healing from trauma (whether child or adult-oriented) is a lifetime of work. No one should ever do it alone.

This song is a perfect example of how percussive James’ playing is. There are things in this song (which was co-written by Kirk) that were accented; while Lars played it pretty straight on some parts, i followed the guitars.

While this song resonates with me on a spiritual and emotional level, my brain somehow did not receive the message. Whenever i’d press record, something would go wrong: there was the time i recorded a pretty decent take on video but forgot to record the drums; the end of the video cut out at the end (like you see in the video below); i played the song over and over and could not seem to get it right- but of course when the record button was off it was better. It’s just another chapter in the book called my life. It could be a case of the universe not wanting me to do the song, no matter how helpful the song is to me in this time.

i cannot tell you. i decided to post this anyway, even with all the glaring mistakes. Because this is a journey. An imperfect journey with an imperfect body. A body with a currently aching back, one leg and a weak remaining foot with edema that plays the kick drum. In the darkness of my brain, there is light in the music.

Without darkness, there’s no light.

Metallica Fridays (no. 33): Meeting My Fears (no. 8,375)

Posted on May 5, 2023 by jamilah

i once had a tattoo on my left leg that said ‘no fear’, surrounded by balloons.

About 19 years ago i was riding my bicycle (of course), and i had my neck cut by some kite string with balloons attached to it. If you’ve heard any of the stories that came out within the past year about people being injured (or worse) by random kite strings, then you know that kite string is no joke. i am grateful to have survived. As a result, i developed a fear of balloons.

i wanted to lose this fear, and the tattoo was a reminder of encouraging me to do so. As a result of my legs being messed up from being hit by a truck (which i am extremely grateful to have survived as well) i lost this tattoo. Coincidentally (or not) i began developing a whole other heap of fears. While it may be true that fear is simply representative of False Evidence Appearing Real; but suddenly becoming an amputee will probably do that to you on some level.

So now i have to start over and find my voice again.

As i’ve mentioned various times, Metallica has been a major soundtrack in this journey of starting over. The context of their music is quite different now, as a nearing 50 disabled adult whose life experience has now shifted, versus a young kid who was much more mobile with two legs. While my brain struggles to process various things (due to the accident i suppose), my brain is still functioning with dozens and dozens of thoughts and ideas all at once, and it’s frustrating that i can’t get them all out. i usually have something nearby where i can record my ideas (whether it’s paper or a recording device)- and a lot of times those ideas happen when i don’t have access to something, like i’m in the bathroom/shower, or if i’m in bed and don’t feel like getting up to get said things to record on.

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This 72 Seasons album has been incredibly helpful in terms of helping me access some of this creativity. It’s also been helpful in acknowledging that i still have a few fears i was unaware were still around.

This may be a pretty common fear- and it may sound strange to some folks that it’s one i have, given the amount of things i do on here- but one of the fears i do have is a fear of truly accessing my own creativity. i am not a great musician or singer, and i don’t particularly like the sound of my own voice; however, i love creating, so i do it. Creating is a means of survival. i create, but i’m always seeing something in it that makes me recoil, like i played a note weird, or that i’m not good enough.

And suddenly, the universe brings a wonderful song to us called ‘Room Of Mirrors’, the penultimate track on 72 Seasons. To me, ‘Room Of Mirrors’ works similar to ‘Purify’ (the penultimate track on the wonderful St. Anger), in that they both describe the process of truly opening yourself to be vulnerable to others, and breaking down every cell, every atom. To truly open yourself to others is one of the most difficult things to do. Even the most encouraging words sometimes sound like a criticism, either due to painful experiences that have shaped your life, or the voices inside your head telling you ‘no’.

In a mirrored room
Talking to myself
And the voices pushing back
I’ll let them inside my heart
But they’ll tear it all apart

In a mirrored room
Just a simple man
Naked, broken, beat, and scarred
What do I really know?
That fear of letting go

Letting go is scary. Your thoughts are going 250 miles a minute, and you write and record all of these ideas when you can (to the point where it’s even difficult to remember where you put them). You are blanketed by all of these ideas, but to actually put them out into the world is taking that blanket off, leaving you cold. But you need to get up and jog through the forest of your brain to keep warm.

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…And so it began, where we were sitting in the theater listening to the tracks of the album, in the global premiere. There were already songs i was familiar with (due to them being released as singles previously). With the new songs, i closed my eyes for much of it, and just took in the music. Not only is every single song a lyrical deep exploration (charting some of James Hetfield’s best), but so many of the songs are dripping in rich harmony… especially a song like ‘Room Of Mirrors’. As i sat in the theater, my brain immediately went there, with both James’ vocal melodies, as well as the guitars.

Over the course of this week i was messing around on the guitar, practicing one half of the guitarmony on the bridge of ‘Room Of Mirrors’, and a cover began to develop. As i mentioned earlier, i’m not the greatest musician, so a lot of times when i cover a song i do it either from memory, or inspired from portions of the source. i can only play to my own limitations, so i’m not going to play a song similar in style to Metallica, as i’m not great at palm muting, barre chords, pinch harmonics… or even guitar in general.

The foundation of this cover was actually the vocals. After i did those, i did drums, then bass, then guitars. The original song reminded me a bit of Bad Religion (one of my favorite punk bands of all time), which may be what truly endeared me to the song (beside its wonderful lyrics). When i began developing the cover, i kind of heard a ska punk rhythm in my head, mixed with the B52s. i cannot tell you why. i also am horrible at soloing, so i didn’t even attempt to for this song. The song stays pretty much in the solid ‘pop punk’ (?) realm, i guess, with some vocal harmonies- again, which i’m not great at. But…

…i am doing my best to face my fears. i am holding that mirror up to what scares me. That said, i am a survivor of things more scary than my terrible vocals.

Metallica Fridays (no.32): Processing what i have just heard…

Posted on April 14, 2023 by jamilah

Friday, April 14, 2023.

This is the day many have been waiting for- the official release of the new album, 72 Seasons. jesse and i attended a global audiovisual event, held in 80 or so countries. While i am still processing the album i can say this- the album, to me, is the work (on the self and with each other) done since St. Anger. St. Anger depicted the immediacy of the struggle; 72 Seasons is a much more mature, vulnerable reading of said struggle. Sonically, it’s filled with wonder and beauty. It’s got more harmonics than any other Metallica album i’ve heard. Lyrically it’s emotionally devastating. There was so much i identified with, as i closed my eyes and just took in the music.

Interestingly, i think i may have been the only one there to sing, dance, bop around and headbang. These songs were too great NOT to.

Now that i have finally heard the album in full, listening to the songs on their own just seems a bit empty. i feel like the songs are realized in a fuller way as a whole. St. Anger (one of my favorite albums of all time) is vulnerable in a pummeling way (channeling the immediacy of a mental health struggle (as well as an acknowledgement of struggles with addiction); while the mental health struggles and internal conversations are still there; 72 Seasons is vulnerable in a more pensive, mature way. There are definitely songs i teared up at while taking them in for the first time at the event, but something tells me i’m going to cry hard, similar to how i did so for the title track.

…And the title track is where we are for this week’s post. i am tired right now (and still processing), but i did want to make this quick post. The band definitely looked to their primary influences (as well as their own albums) for inspiration, but nothing sounds derivative or uninspiring. Metallica have nothing to prove at this stage of their lives, but they continue to find ways to connect.

It’s very rare to think that an album in someone’s latter half of their catalog is among the best of what they’re done. i can say for certain that 72 Seasons is just that.

PROSTHETICS AND DRUMSTICKS UNITE!

a journey of a one-legged drummer

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