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Metallica Fridays (no. 19): Looking Beyond The Riff…

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Even though i’ve written songs over the years (and continue to), i never exactly focused on the construction of a song in the ways i do now. Doing these challenges has given me a bigger insight into it all. It has also led me to think even more how one doesn’t have to know how to play music in order to critique it; however, i think the critique would most likely look a whole lot different if they did. It’s not easy to construct a song, and while i don’t think it’s necessary to like every song on the planet i am beginning to have a bit more general kindness for people who take the time to do it.

i am not playing these songs in the ‘traditional’ way they tend to be covered (not only because i’m an amputee, but i’m also not that great in comparison to those who play this music), but doing this really has given me a much bigger appreciation for Metallica’s music- and music in general. Eight months ago, if you told me i’d be playing ‘Blackened’ i would have laughed at you.

Is it better to play it in your own way (making lots of mistakes along the way) and find your groove until you finally hit a point where it feels right; or is it better to complain that you aren’t getting it ‘right’, and not play at all? For someone who’s not that great at drumming (again, in comparison to the many who play to this type of music) to be on the 19th week of learning, practicing and covering Metallica songs… i’d say that is an accomplishment i’d never thought i would see.

i enjoy doing this every week; it’s incredibly healing, and it helps take my mind off of the more traumatic things happening in my life. Doing this is incredibly humbling. This was the first week though, where i’m really starting to just let go and truly embrace it all. i’m calculating it via ‘spiritual math’ (as Clint Wells of Metal Up Your Podcast tends to say) when i choose which songs i’m going to cover each week. Honestly, the songs choose me. The more i do this, there are songs i begin to connect with in ways i hadn’t before.

‘Am I Savage’ is one of those songs.

It’s actually one of my favorite songs in the Metallica catalog. That said, though (of course) i listened to it enough for it to be one of my favorites, i never LISTENED to it until doing it for this post. People focus on that amazing riff (you know which one i’m talking about), but really, it’s an incredibly haunting, moving song. On the surface it can be interpreted as another one of those ‘werewolf/maybe Ktulu’-type songs. On the musical tip, the opening riff reminds me of something Duane Denison would play, merged with the obvious Sabbath influence. Lyrically is where it hits a bit deep.

Say hello to junior dad
The greatest disappointment
Age withered him and changed him
Into junior dad
Psychic savagery

‘Junior Dad’.

This is exactly what i thought about when actually listening to ‘Am I Savage’. ‘Junior Dad’, the almost 20-minute final song on the much maligned Lulu, the collaboration the band made with Lou Reed. While the lyrics (inspired by German playwright Frank Wedekind’s ‘Lulu’ play cycle) had some questionable things on occasion, i love the music. That said, ‘Junior Dad’ is an incredibly moving piece, and it is one i return to.

In the piece, the narrator laments the fact that he sees his father- a man who despised him- in himself. ‘Am I Savage’, to me, holds a similar theme. The video accompanying the song involves a man becoming more and more distant from his family, coworkers and other surroundings… and eventually himself. Like much of the Metallica oeuvre, there are various songs- some veiled and some not so veiled- regarding familial relationships and addiction. Instead of the desired connection with nature of ‘Of Wolf And Man’ for instance, is the “savage… scratching at the door” the “dog at (the) back step” from ‘Low Man’s Lyric’?

Is the beauty the high, and the beast the withdrawal?

Inheritance, the past has bit again

James Hetfield has been very open about his father leaving at the age of 13, and his mother’s passing at 16. In the documentary Absent, he addressed the roots of his struggles with alcohol addiction, where he “masked feelings of abandonment.” He also spoke about utilizing particular tools of eschewing emotion, in order to deal with said abandonment, since everyone he loved tended to leave. It was an “easy way to not get close to anybody.”

I feel,
The ever changing, you, in me

You saw a little bit of the patterns in Some Kind Of Monster, where he describes celebrating his son’s first birthday in Russia, hunting bears and loading up on vodka for fuel. It got to the point where his wife made an ultimatum, a move Hetfield says saved his life.

He also acknowledges a particular “integrity” that comes with closing yourself off; however, he also says that “most of it is the shield.” On the vagueness of lyrics (despite them also being personal), he says that people are going to “relate to the struggle, and know that there’s someone out there helping speak about this.”

Beauty and the Beast are colliding

While i definitely do play instruments i don’t identify as a musician. It was only within the past few years where i identified as a writer, despite writing for decades. While that riff (yes, that riff) is one of their greatest, it’s the words i connect with the most here, having struggled with some of the same things- with an alcoholic mother, emotionally absent/narcissist stepfather, people dear to me leaving this earth, and closing myself off to people due to fear of rejection.

Transforming into the people you worked hard to escape is scary.

Speaking of words… the next song for this post has only been performed once (in London, UK (August 20, 1987) while ‘Am I Savage’ has been performed zero times (!!!)). ‘Crash Course In Brain Surgery’ stays faithful to the skeleton of the Budgie original, but of course it’s done in the Metallica way- it’s got twice the fills (where the OG only has about a couple), the singing got left out of the bridge (similar to ‘Breadfan’), and while Burke Shelley (who physically transitioned over the past year) does end the song with a few ‘Yeahs,’ it pales in comparison to what James does, which to me is second best only to ‘Fuel’ in all of the band’s catalog. The whole song is great (as is Budgie’s original) but sometimes i just replay that ‘Yeah Yeah… YEAH YEAH!’ over and over… and over.

‘Fight Fire With Fire’ (performed only 339 times- last on May 12, 2022 at Belo Horizonte, Brazil)) is absolute proof that i’m not a musician. i have absolutely no idea what i’m doing technically, but i did what felt decent (at least for now). The funny thing about all this is that when i isolated the drums i did, the way the song is SUPPOSED to be (on the up beat as opposed to the down beat) made more sense. i didn’t change the pattern at all, but when i was playing with the song (and when i would listen to all tracks) the drums would constantly mentally flip back and forth consistently. Despite me not switching patterns, flipping them in my head actually helped me get through the song. As anyone who reads this blog knows, i am a major fan of rhythmic illusions. So of course this is one of my favorites of the band. i am trying to imagine how a bunch of 21, 22-year olds sat and wrote a song like this. The song totally messes you up, structurally, trying to play it. It has to be one of two things: (a. Cliff Burton (who co-wrote the song (and was the primary influence of the intro) used his knowledge of music theory and composition to help craft the songs, or (b. the dudes (for the most part) ultimately had no idea what they were doing in terms of structure, and they were just going on adrenaline and did something until it sounded great.

i know that Lars’ long-time drum tech Flemming Larsen (who recently left this earth) did give him some drum lessons around this time. So perhaps that was a contribution to the construction of this song. However it happened, ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ is definitely one of the greatest album intros of all time.

And of course i can’t keep apologizing for doing no double bass on these tracks… I ONLY HAVE ONE FOOT, Y’ALL! i do what i can. It’s better to play with one foot (and not be perfect) than not at all!!!

Also… this song will always be timely.

i honestly like how James Hetfield puts it: He describes his musical relationship with Lars as one being of Lars as a frustrated guitar player, and he being the frustrated drummer. Jason Newsted also described Metallica as a ‘two-man garage band,’ something to that effect. The more i play to this music the better i begin to understand what they are talking about. Traditionally, the bass and drums tend to follow one another. But Lars ALWAYS follows James. ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ is a perfect example (out of many) of this occurring.

i decided to do a little challenge: play the Metal Hammer version of ‘Fight Fire’. After i was done, i wanted to cry. Their set from 1985’s Metal Hammer festival is in the top 3 of my favorite Metallica shows of all time. i messed up a few times but you know what? i did it. The fact that they did even FASTER versions of this song… i just can’t. Having performed live on stage a whole bunch of times, that adreniline definitely gets to you. But dang. To play that fast and not be sloppy (and yeah, sometimes they were) is a mean feat. To play that fast on bass with fingers… To play that fast with mostly downpicking… To play the skank beat and double kick that fast consistently…

Say what you want and will about this band. But playing these songs give me an even bigger amount of respect. The fact that they are able to laugh at their mistakes does the same.

Metallica Fridays (no. 18): Better Drumming… Undenied!

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i can’t say anything more than what Lars Ulrich (and other musicians) has said: A good song writes itself. Perhaps i will be able to write that great song some day. Until then i will appreciate those who do write them.

Whether it’s their covering and honoring (more obscure- especially at the time) NWOBHM and punk bands over the years (actually taking up most of their live sets in the early days), doing doodles (recognizing local artist from whatever city or country they’re performing in), just taking outright cues for inspiration, or advocating for vinyl; Metallica have always been a band that loves music, regardless of where it comes from. From what i can see, the greatest artists have a diverse interest in music, and will be inspired by sounds they do not primarily perform. Johnny Marr was inspired by Nile Rogers, John Legend’s second album was inspired by Pet Sounds… and even though many took inspiration from James Brown (including Mick Jagger), Mr. Brown himself arguably straight up jacked David Bowie. That said, Carlos Alomar DID play the riff on both songs, and it was said that the riff was constructed during his time with the JB’s (prior to his work with Bowie). So was it a straight jack? This is a debate that will probably go on until the end of time.

Metallica have not only sent clear nods to Sabbath, Budgie, Queen and Motorhead; they also were inspired by bands and artists such as Soundgarden, Alice In Chains and Tom Waits. Sonically they’ve also collectively looked to country, Motown (if you can call that a genre), blues, jazz and punk.

One band they haven’t seem to look to was the Kinks.

The Kinks are one of my favorite groups of all time. As major as they are, they still have fallen under the radar of the pantheon of great bands, in comparison to how many mention, in particular, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. The lyrics were a combination of stream of consciousness, self-awareness, straight-ahead cultural musings, class analysis, satire and biting sociopolitical commentary, giving them a bit more relatability than other pop contemporaries at the time.

James Hetfield (before introducing Ray Davies to the stage at Madison Square Garden in 2009) acknowledged that the band “got completely schooled… on early, early riff rock.” He called the Kinks “one of the original punks.” Interestingly… despite being a punk kid, my favorite stuff from the Kinks is the post-‘riff rock/punk’ stuff. They have great albums like Muswell Hillbillies, Arthur (Or The Decline And Fall Of the British Empire), Village Green Preservation Society, Something Else, Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One, and more.

(Side note: i actually met Ray Davies back in 1998 when he was making appearances for his album The Storyteller. i approached him, and he said, “Hi Sweetheart, how are you?” A lot of people had so much to say to him, asking about specific shows, songs or riffs. i was very shy, and there was a limited amount of time we could talk, so i just wrote down a few questions on a paper and handed it to him, then left. i have no idea if he ever read the questions, or if he thought the questions were any good. He may have just laughed at them.)

In 2010 Davies released See My Friends (obviously titled after a Kinks song), a collaborative effort covering his music. It featured Alex Chilton, Lucinda Williams, Jon Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, Jackson Browne and more… including a collaboration with Metallica- ‘You Really Got Me’.

Which is what i do here. It’s very clear Metallica took more of the Van Halen approach when they covered the song. However, despite knowing that version and hearing it a whole bunch of times over the years i am much more familiar with the OG…. so i did make the drums less ‘metal’ than Lars.

i have been vegan for over half my life (28 years) and i absolutely love ‘Of Wolf And Man’. It’s probably as simple as being a song about a dude who turns into a werewolf; on a deeper level (because that’s just what i do) i do think it’s a continuation that was had on the Justice album (if not directly) in regards to how humans mess things up, and how we should regard the ‘natural world’ as being part of ourselves. The Earth is a gift (as is mentioned in the song); let’s stop disrespecting her.

My favorite part of the song though: NOSE TO THE WIND. i don’t even care. It always makes me think of nose boops.

i did my attempt at honoring Lars by doing some take on the great ‘Wolf And Man’ fill he does. it’s one of my favorite fills on The Black Album. i still don’t understand the Lars hate, man.

And finally, we have what is one of my favorite Metallica songs of all time, ‘Lords Of Summer’. It’s one of a handful of songs where they reference themselves (‘King Nothing’, ‘Unforgiven II’ and ‘St. Anger’ being three top ones); it’s also a song, like ‘Death Is Not The End’ or ‘Vulturous’, where they’ve worked on in various incarnations. However, unlike those two it actually got an official release. As much as it would have been an excellent addition to the (also excellent) Hardwired… To Self-Destruct; i think it would have taken away from the somber theme of the album. Having this be an extra track on the CD edition (and side E on the vinyl edition) was to me, a wise choice.

Imagine hearing this song for the first time- which is what happened in Bogotá, Colombia on March 16, 2014. It was the unfinished version, but it was no less powerful.

While i’m still my own biggest critic (and while i make a few obvious mistakes here) i KNOW i’m getting better at drumming, because i actually got through this song. i tried this song a few months ago, and couldn’t even get through the first verse. Also, i know the song would sound better with double kick, but you already know…

There are a lot of songs that make me think of animals. A lot of Metallica songs make me think of cats (which is probably why i love the band so much). This song though, makes me think of seals. i’m not sure why, but it’s definitely okay with me. i absolutely love seals.

(Also, if you don’t know what e-drums sound like to people not playing them, you can see at the beginning. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…)

Metallica Fridays (no. 17): Throw Ice Into The Fire, And Watch It Damage Your Fears

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So… wow. i have a lot of feelings around James Hetfield’s recent comments in Brazil. Every week on these ‘Metallica Fridays’ posts i talk about ‘getting out of my head’ and learning to embrace my mistakes as a way of further understanding the journey… and here he is at the age of 58, openly discussing his anxieties and insecurities around no longer being able to play in the same ways he once did. i wrote my feelings on his speech here; one thing i did not say though, is that if his concerns are around not being able to play well, many would absolutely disagree. There are many who have had harsh critiques for the band for years, who are coming out and saying they’ve been playing better than ever. While none of us could ever know the full extent of what James Hetfield is going through, one thing we can all say is that, unless something happens to really affect his motor skills (God willing that does not happen), he is in no danger of putting on no less of a great performance.

As private a person as he is, being open in where he’s at mentally is significant in that his words may have saved someone’s life- including his own. As a person who lives with depression, his words around mental health (as well as the Load, ReLoad and St. Anger albums specifically) always resonate with me.

i’ve said this elsewhere, and i’ll say it again here: i think 58-year old James Hetfield is cool. And i’m sure at 59, 60 and beyond he will be just as cool.

Don’t let the demons take hold of the Heaven in your head…

Doing the posts for this site- and the Metallica posts specifically- have been helping me pull through the struggle in many ways: the struggles of this ‘new’ life as an amputee; the struggle of learning not to be as frustrated with my mistakes; of learning to let go. The struggle of actually taking in new ways of listening to music. The music experience is very different as a person having to learn how to play the songs, versus simply listening to it. And sometimes that is frustrating, because it seems like you can never get it ‘right’. The point SHOULD be though, that you are playing it in your own way, versus copying what you hear. Given that i am physically limited in how i, for instance, play drums, i have begun to find that i do have a particular style… and that is interesting to see. i just aim to be as respectful as possible to all artists. Even if it’s just me seeing these posts, i know that it’s helping. If others see these posts and it helps them, it’s even better.

…And since i mentioned the album earlier, i think we will start with ‘Attitude’, from ReLoad. It makes me laugh that people always get on Lars for that scene in Some Kind Of Monster (including Kirk and James), when he’s trying to counter the ‘stock’ (according to him) riff with a particular drum pattern… when dude is a MASSIVE fan of rhythmic illusions. As am i. All their albums have them. i’m not sure if it’s because of the few (in comparison to others) lessons he’s had over the years, so he has little technical knowledge, and sees these patterns in his head. Lars adding an extra beat (or coming in a half step beforehand) is very common, and learning how to play to Metallica songs throws off many a more ‘traditional’ drummer.

i will always love Lars for this. There is no one like him.

To me, ‘Attitude’ is an example of this. When i first heard the song i was like, ‘Whut? Wait. i…’ The difference between this song and some others is, Lars counts off on the 2, so you get a little help in knowing where to start. Some of the other songs just blast off, and you’re like, ‘Wait- is he starting on the 2 or the 3??!!’ i’m not that good at counting beats and measures (as y’all probably see with some of the glaring mistakes i’ve made in these posts- HA!), so i do it all by just listening to the song, and going there.

So i think the kick started (a little early) on the 1, and the snare/crash combination started at 2. Then when the song kicks in, it starts on 2. Is my count correct?

i mean, i play music but i’m not a musician. That’s probably safe to say.

All i know is that i’m glad Load and ReLoad exist. To me, those albums encompassed the ‘bigness’ of the Black Album sound, but in terms of subject matter and arrangement it was an evolution.

Here we return to what was my favorite Metallica album for 30 years- until Load knocked it out of that spot… Master Of Puppets! It amazes me that people so young can make such complex music. i highly doubt you would have had an album like Load, if Lars and James never approached Cliff Burton. He was a major inspiration for the evolution in their sound. Would they have remained strictly a thrash or NWOBHM-inspired band, had they not met him? Would there have been just straight shredding for every single song? Perhaps. We will never know though. What we DO know (again) is that Cliff brought to the band some invaluable elements.

…Including the classic intros. Whether it’s ‘Damage Inc.’ (which i play to here), ‘Blackened’, ‘To Live Is To Die’, ‘Fight Fire With Fire’, ‘That Was Just Your Life’, ‘Fixxxer’ or other favorites… all of those are clear nods to Cliff Burton’s influence. So of course Cliff deserved the intro. After all, it’s him playing the intro.

Metallica definitely are one of the best in knowing how to sequence and bookend albums.

Aaaaaaaaand… even though ‘Blackened’ is my favorite Metallica song of all time, my current favorite song (because there is a difference) is ‘Trapped Under Ice’. ‘Trapped’ was one of my wishes for the 40th shows- AND THEY DID IT. i lost my voice as a result, screaming so loud as those opening chords played, then singing along.

This song involves one of my least favorite things in the whole world- being cold, and one of my greatest fears- being trapped. Snow is one of my top ten favorite things in the whole world, but i absolutely hate being cold. i have also been trapped before. One of my top 3 greatest fears in the whole world was also being hit by a truck, and i actually survived that. Can i survive being trapped under ice? i doubt it.

The bass (unsurprisingly) was recorded so low so i had to figure out for myself how to play it, without any cues from Mr. Burton. i played a bunch of root notes (of course!), and added a bit of harmony. i did end up seeing a few bass covers of the song- most covers of this song are on guitar- but every single person played it their own way, playing mostly with the guitar. My guess is that it’s because you can hardly hear the original, unless you remixed it to make the bass louder (which is what i actually did with ‘Damage Inc.’).

A block of ice made a guest appearance here… They never left their name though.

Metallica Fridays (no. 16): How i am learning to stop worrying, and just love Metallica

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Every time i do these posts i get a weekly reminder to get out of my own head. i make a ton of mistakes, but that is what happens when you are learning. i have to remember that i am also getting better. That goes for my experience in using the prosthetic, as well as playing music.

i love watching better players than me cover Metallica. As professionals (or at least people with some level of expertise) they are able to capture the nuances, way more than i can. They can properly do the double kick of ‘One’, ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ or ‘Hero Of The Day’. They understand the mechanics of a b-bender, or they effortlessly play the perfect trills on a precision bass. While i am not there yet, i know the music enough to play with a particular feeling, as opposed to the exact technical ability.

As i keep saying, the fact that i even took that next step to even attempt to play their music is a huge personal deal.

In playing drums, i also clearly understand one ting more and more: the relationship Lars has with James, as players. It becomes so clear how much Lars follows the rhythm guitar, and vice versa. It’s pretty hard to focus (especially during the live performances) when the lead is playing, so i have to focus extra hard on what the rhythm and bass are doing.

One of the bigger examples of this is ‘Battery’. When Kirk plays the solo i had to focus on James. i also love the dynamic between the band in that, when one of them is behind or out front, they easily catch up through particular cues. People tend to take issues with Kirk’s improvisation during shows (‘Why does he never play the solo like the album’ and so forth); and while it seems as if he’s in his own world (and sometimes makes mistakes) the man catches up, and is on time.

i remember being 15 years old and wanting nothing more than to see ‘Battery’. On the encore of the December 3, 1991 show in Buffalo, NY i got my wish. i really hope that it is something i see again, before i leave this earth. They are playing it more album speed these days, but the song is no less powerful. As with many of the older songs, i love the mature readings of them. The band has long since (except for Lars) left the Bay Area, but the spirit of Battery Street lives on forever.

The Seattle ’89 show is beloved, and is usually at the pinnacle of favorite shows in the Metallica fan community. However, this show is not in my top 3. The May 31, 2015 show in Munich (Germany), The 40th Anniversary shows, and the Metal Hammer show in 1985 are. The screams James gives out during ‘Battery’ though (from the Seattle show, which i am playing to here) makes the song one of my favorite live ones of all time.

Just like with ‘Blackened’ i wanted to challenge myself in terms of speed. This song is not easy to play, especially with the the time shifts. Playing that live? Whoo boy.

i came in a bit late after the break and rushed a bit, but got caught up. The thing i am most happy with is that i got the fill (without the double kick, obviously) before the final chorus. That fill is my favorite fill of Lars’ of all time. i also (subconsciously) added in another Lars’ type fill. Guess where that one is!

Many many posts ago i played to the OG ‘Green Hell’ (one of my two favorite Misfits songs). This time i’m playing to Metallica’s cover, which is slightly faster, as well as having different lyrics. My other wish before i leave this earth is that they SERIOUSLY play ‘Run To The Hills’ in full, instead of always messing around and playing the wrong notes on purpose (like they do at the end of Garage Days, as well as during live performances). The opening riff to that song is my favorite metal riff of all time; i don’t care how overplayed it is. Also, they have only played ‘Green Hell’ 11 times. i also hope, before i leave this earth, they play it alone, without Last Caress’- a song i’m not really that fond of.

Like Issac Hayes or Luther Vandross, Metallica takes a cover and makes it their own.

The St. Anger fanboi returns… It seems like more and more people are beginning to understand the greatness that is St. Anger, as the band is beginning to play other songs from it than ‘Frantic’ or the title track. They seem to be giving ‘Dirty Window’ some love, after the positive reception it received after the 40th anniversary show…. because they played it as well on this recent Sudamérica tour (in BRAZIL no less, where someone gave birth during ‘Enter Sandman’. Papa Het ended up calling the parents). They have played the song a total of 33 times. Obviously this gives me great joy, and hope that they will bring some more out.

‘Purify’ anyone?

The more i play to this music (mistakes and all), the more i appreciate this band.

Metallica Fridays (no. 15): Letter To Lars?

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So much has happened since the last post: i finally received a vinyl copy of Kirk’s excellent Portals EP, as well as restringing Jerome with some new Hetfield strings. They are some heavy gauged strings (11, 14, 18p, 28, 38 and 50)!!! The average gauges on the lightest strings are 9s or 10s, and the heaviest ones on average tend to be 46s. I did some restringing and a bit of playing before i went to rehab, and they didn’t seem that bad; perhaps it’s because i play a lot of bass? When i play around a bit more, i may be telling a different story… One thing i can say is that they sounded nice and crisp. i love that new string sound. Also being used to lighter strings, when i went to tune Jerome, i found out i ended up initially tuning way too sharp. These strings are hardcore.

But alas, we are here again with another ‘Metallica Fridays’ post. And there is always a song (or two or three) that speak to me enough for me to highlight it.

And as usual, i gotta pay respects to Lars. You can find me talking about him all throughout these posts, so i won’t go too far into it here. i will keep saying though: For anyone to sit and listen… i mean actually sit and listen, and say that Lars is a bad drummer, i will never understand. i am learning these songs in a whole different way as a player, versus the act of passively listening. If this band were to have ever, in any point in time, gotten a more technical drummer, it would be a whole different band. This actually happened in 2004 (at the Download Festival (aka Donnington), when Lars was briefly hospitalized. In his place were Dave Lombardo (one of the greatest drummers of all time), Joey Jordinson (who i was not that familiar with, but the little i saw of him, i saw that he was an excellent drummer), and Lars’ drum tech, Flemming Larsen. It was amazing to hear them play with Metallica at extremely short notice. They knew their stuff- and i love that Lombardo was about to play the bridge (album version) of ‘Battery’! However, the vibe was entirely different. it wasn’t bad… it was just missing… Lars.

i keep thinking about how Lars sees different rhythms in his brain, from whatever riffs Rob, Kirk and James present. People ask how he’s credited with writing songs, despite him not writing the riffs. The dude has a major hand in arranging where those riffs go, so a songwriting credit is absolutely proper. i wonder how many of his fills are experimentation during the recording process, versus actual construction. i always wonder why he chooses to hit the crash at a specific place you would never think to put it.

For example, the opening cymbal hits in ‘Hell And Back’ (from the great Beyond Magnetic). The opening hits seem so counterintuitive in a way. But they work. They totally work.

i absolutely love this song. They only played it 16 times, during May, June and August of 2012. While (again) it’s always stated that Metallica lyrics can be interpreted in various ways (with very clear exceptions), ‘Hell And Back’ to me is a very clear reading of someone experiencing addiction. You understand the negative implications of the addiction (or dependency); however, the familiarity is comforting, and… dependable. Be it food, sex, alcohol, narcotics… the struggle is real.

i will say though, when i first heard the song i thought James was singing “she’s rachet but she comforts me…” as opposed to wretched. i was like, ‘whatchoo know about rachet, Papa Het??!!’

If they pulled this one out at the 40th i would have screamed. Interestingly (and sadly), they did NO songs from Beyond Magnetic at the 40th.

…And we return to the source. The first Metallica song i ever learned/played on the drums.

‘Blackened’. Why would this be the FIRST song to learn… one of the most difficult in terms of timing, for a person who hadn’t regularly played the drums in over 20 years, and never previously played a Metallica song? Because it’s my favorite song of theirs.

This time though, it’s a live version… the infamous ‘Seattle ’89’ version. i would always try to play it and could never get it (because it was so much faster than the album version, and of course there’s no click track so the timing isn’t straight). It’s also a song i haven’t played in a couple of months i think, so i always want to return to it, because it’s ultimately a barometer for how i am doing in terms of my progress. i still mess up in a spot or two, but it’s WAY better than it was even a couple of months ago. So there’s that.

And now…

i will continue to admit i was wrong, when it comes to Some Kind Of Monster, the 2004 documentary charting not only the recording process of St. Anger, but the band’s struggle to just hold it together. i had no idea what to expect when i saw it in the theater back then, but i absolutely hated it. Like many (who loved and/or appreciated the band at the time) i couldn’t understand why a bunch of dudes in a band would sit and film themselves arguing. i was 27 or 28 years old then. Of course, 18 years later (and having lived a much more eventful life) i understood exactly why they did it, and i’ve come to appreciate the film for the brilliance it is. it’s become one of my favorite films of all time.

i was going back, listening to older episodes of Metal Up Your Podcast (the great podcast that extensively discusses Metallica), and they were discussing the root of the experiences had in the film- (bassist) Jason Newsted’s departure. i then felt inspired to recreate one of my favorite scenes in the film. i know that people tend to look at it as a meme; however, i see it as an examination of a mental downward spiral. Music (and being in a band) was such a crutch for these individuals that they seemingly never really built a relationship outside of that.

The film showed how important therapy actually is.

People were saying that Lars was pretending to be upset by Jason’s departure. i saw it as disbelief. He seemed on the verge of tears- which is how i kind played the scene. To me, Lars’ face was saying one thing, but his voice was saying another.

i acted out the scene, sent it to a few people then realized it needed some music. i kept listening to the words, and played drums around that. Then played guitar and bass around the drums. i wanted the music to capture some level of that downward spiral. After that was done i wanted to see what it was like if the words were said in anger, as opposed to shock or disbelief. With that, i ended up filming another scene, then made a side by side video. It’s interesting to see the two emotions together.

Jason was the bird who could not be caged, and he was ultimately right in leaving. i consider him to be a major teacher for the band, because he was a catalyst for them to do some major self-criticism. That said, i really did want to give Lars a hug in that scene. Jason was correct in leaving, but you could see that Lars was truly hurt by it.

i love that they are all on amicable terms now.

(This song is dedicated to Clint and Ethan, the hosts of Metal Up Your Podcast.)

And herein lies my 50th letter of appreciation to Lars. Thanks for so many classic moments, duder.

Metallica Fridays (no. 14): Staying Out Of The Comfort Zone

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i’m gonna be honest. i have been feeling pretty uninspired this past week, with a few mental bumps in the road- things i usually don’t talk about, unless asked. i’ve been getting better at doing some physical therapy and using the prosthetic, which is wonderful since it’s getting me one step closer to being more mobile. That said, i have these particular feelings and mental blocks that come and go… fortunately not transforming into the ‘unnamed feeling’ (which i HAVE experienced on this journey, and wish upon no one.

i didn’t really feel like playing music at all, but i wanted to do a ‘Metallica Fridays’ post. And i’m glad i did, because it actually helped me to get out of that space i was experiencing. (And of course as i go to post, tech issues ensued. So this post is late. What is new?)

i also kept focusing on how many mistakes i make. Even though i say ‘yes, this is a journey and mistakes are made and you learn from them’, i still cringe at them.

Then a thing happened. i saw MelSickScreamoAnnie (or Meliani) do a performance of ‘Fade To Black’ (a song that is difficult for me to listen to, for obvious reasons). This is a person whose skills on the guitar are phenomenal, and in this reading of the song she made massive mistakes. That was her first time performing outside of Indonesia, and to the performance, she said she didn’t “want to share at first because i made many mistakes… but i guess i shouldn’t really overthink about it.”

That put things in perspective. She is a far superior musician than i.

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As i was thinking about what songs to do for this post, i (again) went through a concentrated listening cycle, and it really did assist in lifting my mood. Metallica’s music on one end, helps me to make sense of death (as i’ve stated in other posts) and speaks to mental health struggles i experience; listening to them though, doesn’t always necessarily make me happy. Sometimes it does though, and this week it happened to.

The longer i’ve returned to the drums (and playing instruments in general), the less i understand why people attack Lars. Is he the most technical? Of course not. And that’s okay. Dude ‘s penchant for arranging deserves way more credit. Also, the way he plays, very few people can capture his nuances. i know i certainly can’t, despite doing fills inspired by him, sometimes subconsciously.

i don’t care what anyone says. Lars is dope.

‘Atlas Rise’ is one of my favorite songs from the band; it is also my favorite song on Hardwired… To Self Destruct. At this point, you see how Lars combined the best of the ‘thrash’ and TBA/Load/ReLoad periods. The working title of this song was ‘N.W.O.B.H.M. A.T.M.’, and the influence of ‘New Wave of British Heavy Metal’ bands is clear here. Thematically, the song (along with songs such as ‘Dirty Window’ and ‘Holier Than Thou’) is a continuation of addressing (inter)personal contradictions. The reading of the lyrics may not have the same youthful anger as ‘Dyers Eve’, but age and life’s experience give it a similar grit and rage.

And the harmony to the final ‘RIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE’, i love it so much. This is such a perfect Metallica song.

Every time i do these posts, i have to keep saying it- Metallica can write dope songs in their sleep. There is a reason why they are my favorite metal band. Welllll… several reasons. i know it gets heard by everybody and their mama, but ‘Sad But True’ goes hard. Tell me that song isn’t a head nodder.

Go ahead. tell me.

It’s another well-written track that has dope riffs and pensive lyrics that have been interpreted in various ways, from the narrator being personal demons (or the devil himself) to addiction. This is also the first song i ever heard, where i truly began to understand what people meant when they were talking about music production. Bob Rock did the thing. Cassettes are not known for having the greatest sound quality (and i wore out all my Metallica tapes); however, even on cassette this song stood out to me.

The Alesis obviously doesn’t do justice to the Tama Artstar II (my dream drum set), and i haven’t messed around with the midi enough yet to separate the drums to make, for instance, the kick louder. That said, i am not going to complain one bit. i’m playing drums, and it’s a great outlet and mental balancer.

Thanks Clyde, and thanks Lars.

Aaaaaaaand we have another music video, featuring Touré and Blue! These videos are always fun to make, and they lift my spirits. And i know y’all don’t wanna sit there and watch me play bass for 6 or 7 minutes… i hope you enjoy them as well!

i also hope i didn’t disrespect Cliff at all, with my bass playing. i didn’t do any of the runs he did in the song- i’m not that great of a player!!! ‘Seek And Destroy’ is a really fun song to play though! Doing these ‘Metallica Friday’ posts have also challenged me to do what i’ve never done before- play to Metallica songs. Even with this, i am out of my comfort zone. As with many other of their songs (not just the Justice album) the bass is mixed way low, so i did mix it a bit higher, but not enough to overpower the rest of the instruments.

Metallica Fridays (no. 13): Still Making Sense Of Death And Anger

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Much of the time, the songs i choose for each week’s Metallica posts have a lot to do with where i’m at mentally at that time, or if the songs are relative to a particular experience. There are also plenty of times i wake up with random songs of theirs in my head.

The morning of making music for this post i woke up earlier than usual, with not only ‘Invisible Kid’ in my brain, but a particular arrangement of it in my head. i couldn’t go back to sleep, so i got out the guitar and began playing what was in my head, over and over… The tiredness hit me, so i went back to bed.

As the day went on, the song shifted into a whole other energy. i decided to use the drums as the foundation, and work around that. The energy of the end result actually ended up sounding more similar to Joy Division or The Cure than what i played in the morning.

The journey of songwriting…

i tried to sing the song in the original key (which is what i initially played on guitar). But that was painful to hear. i’m already not that great of a singer (but i do it anyway). So i guess i’m an alto or a contralto or something? i have no idea.

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that i am a St. Anger fanboi. i appreciate it not only for its representation of a band struggling to find peace with itself in some way- creatively, mentally and spiritually; it’s also an album in which the subject matter is heavily identifiable to me. The album is an experience in catharsis.

i was that ‘invisible kid’ growing up. i was the shy, quiet kid that kept a lot of things inside, until they sometimes boiled over. Like a lot of kids in this predicament i had friends and hung out, and hid a lot of my feelings- until, again, they sometimes boiled over. i wanted love, but didn’t necessarily know how to receive it. Sometimes i’ve pushed people away by showing love in overwhelming ways. i can talk extensively and excitedly about particular things; however, to this day, when people ask me how i’m feeling i struggle with that, and don’t always know how to answer… so i am most likely to give short answers. i always need to be checking in with people, but sometimes the simplest questions seem intrusive, even when they’re not.

The push/pull the invisible kid experiences is very real… “I’m OK, just go away… but please don’t stray too far.”

(All instruments and vocals are by me.)

A few times in 2006 (in the midst of working on Death Magnetic), the band did live performances of ‘The New Song’ (aka ‘Death Is Not The End’). Of course, the various riffs heard in this working version ended up being portions of various songs officially released on the upcoming album, released in 2008- most notably, ‘All Nightmare Long’ and ‘End Of The Line’. It’s always exciting to see them perform new, unfinished and rare material.

Double kick is all over this song (what’s new?); and of course i only have one foot, so i had to work with what i got. People also might look at this song as not being the most difficult to play (and it’s definitely not the most difficult in their repertoire); however, it’s got that ‘Lars timing’ all over it. There’s a number of parts you have to remember.

i love the songs this working title developed into. i also love this unfinished version. Metallica’s songs speak an awful lot about death, but it’s not always about physical death. i didn’t think about it a lot prior to the accident. After it happened , their music helped me make sense of a lot that was going on, and helped in learning to truly make sense of death- of relationships, of particular feelings… of a leg.

Death really is not the end. Death must occur to give birth to a whole new consciousness.

‘The Unnamed Feeling’ is a tough one for me. The lyrics describe every single thing i’ve been through at various periods in my life.

i hate living with depression. i love myself and am grateful for life, but sometimes my brain just snaps and i either desire to, or attempt to end it all. i hate it. i don’t wish this on anyone.

i can’t convince people to love St. Anger as much as i do; i understand why people sincerely do hate it. But the album is a very healing one for me.

(Interestingly, the camera decided to fall during this song. i kept it anyway.)

Metallica Fridays (no. 11): Bringing Back Some Memories…

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i am not always a fan of reverb in music- unlike many, i actually enjoy the ‘drier’ sound of say, a Death Magnetic (no, i’m not even discussing the ‘loudness wars’ situation) or an …And Justice for All. Ride the Lightning was a massive recipient of the reverb, as was Master Of Puppets, to a slightly lesser degree. Hardwired… To Self Destruct to me was that perfect balance of ‘wet’ and ‘dry’.

That said… i did a little bit of experimentation. i went ahead and added reverb to the drums, because the dryness of electrodrums obviously doesn’t fit every song. Everything is dialectical, and despite everything i said coming into this post, reverb does have its benefits.

The more i play these songs on the drums though, the more appreciation i have for Lars. The more i play this music, regardless of the instrument, i have more appreciation for the band. Taking in the music as a listener is one thing. Taking it all in as a person who plays music is another. And taking it in as a writer is a whole other level. It amazes me that these dudes were in their early 20s, writing on a level both complex and melodic.

‘Disposable Heroes’ (my favorite song on Master Of Puppets) is one hundred seventy-eight (178) beats per minute. Looking it up i saw a range of BPMs, but in actually using a metronome for the song, 178 came the closest… at least during the pre-chorus. Imagine seeing this for the first time live, like many did in 1985 at the Metal Hammer Festival (to me, one of their top two greatest shows of all time). It’s always exciting to see them do songs yet to be officially released, or works in process, like ‘Vulturous’, ‘Death Is Not The End,’ ‘Lords Of Summer,’ the songs of Beyond Magnetic or this song, prior to its release on Puppets the next year.

The song succinctly captures the dehumanization of those who are used as pawns in an imperialist war. It’s an incredibly haunting song with two perspectives: the exploiter and the exploited. i understood what the song was about as a teenager carrying this cassette around, listening to Puppets on repeat. However, i was a punk kid who loved the thrashiness of the song, and it wasn’t until i was much older before i truly took in the IMPACT of the song.

(No, i did not play the drums note for note- don’t come for me please…)

My greatest memory of ‘Escape’ is sitting around with 14 or 15 other people in a small room (after seeing Metallica on December 3, 1991 at the Buffalo Memorial Auditorium), and listening to Ride The Lightning in full, pontificating on how Metallica was the greatest band in the world. i remember people in the room were going on about how Lightning was their greatest album, and i may have been one of the few who said Puppets was. It makes me laugh now, because i do wonder how many of the diehards still rock with the band today, or did they fall off after Load/ReLoad… or St. Anger?

‘Escape’ is one of two songs (as far as i know- the other being ‘Hero Of The Day’) that is written primarily in major key. For some reason, James Hetfield hates the song, and while they jammed on it briefly a few times (and jokingly played the intro) they only performed it in full once (at the Orion Music + More Festival in 2012).

It’s not as ‘deep’ as other songs on the album, but it’s still a good song.

Yo… In playing to ‘The God That Failed’, it led me to remember that when this album came out, this was my jam, for real. It was the song that got stuck in my head, before any other song on The Black Album. That bass intro, with that 4 on the floor beat, went HARD. It’s a straight head nodder. It was probably the one song that actually made me a fan of the album.

i also remembered that, despite Hugo Burnham, David Lovering, etc. being major drumming inspirations for me, it was THIS song that subconsciously influenced my playing as well, in my formative years as a drummer. Lars’ fills are dope on this song, and i realize that i used to also kind of play like this.

Even though ‘Fade To Black’ is technically the first ‘personal’ song (and ‘Dyers Eve’ is the first where you see the exploration of the broken relationship between parent and child), ‘The God That Failed’ is one of a couple on The Black Album that begin to explore the subject a bit deeper.

Metallica Fridays (no. 10): Letting Go, And Getting Reacquainted…

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Before we get into things, i just wanted to say that i reconnected with the folks i was in my first band with (you can hear one of our songs in the first ever post i made). It was a very nice surprise. It was over 20 years since we all spoke. Apparently, they found me through this site.

So whoever is sharing this site with others, i appreciate you.

Now, i’m going to say something else you all probably know (especially since i make these posts every Friday), but in figuring out what songs to do this week i kept thinking, ‘Metallica is so good.’ i know they are ‘technically’ a metal band; however, the musical and lyrical content are shaped in ways that are relatable to many.

The songs i chose this week, i think fit that description.

i realized that i covered songs from every album (not including EPs, collaborations, live or covers albums) for these posts… except for Hardwired… To Self Destruct. It’s strange that i have already covered every album (because it doesn’t seem that way), and it’s strange that i haven’t done anything from Hardwired (because i love that album, as i love them all). i figured that ‘Moth Into Flame’ would be a good first song. It’s one of a handful of songs that discuss the ‘dangers of celebrity culture/fame.’ James Hetfield spoke in interviews how the lyrics were inspired by seeing Amy Winehouse.

It’s not a life i wish onto anybody.

It’s a pretty sad song, if you really think about it.

Onto more sad songs… A lot of people dub St. Anger as the band’s ‘therapy’ album; however, i maintain that Load (my favorite Metallica album) and ReLoad (my 4th favorite of theirs) walked so St. Anger could run. So many of those songs are tales of self-reflection, addiction, regret and so many other struggles.

‘Low Man’s Lyric’ has been interpreted as being about so many things, but that’s (again) what makes the music of Metallica so effective. i was thinking about how i could ‘reinterpret’ the song… Firstly, i don’t have a hurdy gurdy (the one thing which drives the main musical theme of the song). Secondly, i’m not the greatest musician. Third, i don’t have the equipment to do a ton of layering in the way the song deserves.

i asked myself how i could translate the pain of the song into something on the keyboard. i hope i did alright. Everything (except vocals and drums) is me.

‘Mama Said’ is my 4th favorite Metallica song of all time. Again, i was wondering how i would do justice to such a great song. This one was incredibly hard to do though (especially since i’m not the greatest singer or musician)- this is one of those songs that make me cry. i did have a bit of a chuckle though, listening to Lars’ drumming. His drumming is unmistakable, and this was also during the ‘Bob Rock’ period, so the sound was pretty massive.

This song means a lot to me though, and i did get a tattoo (on my palms) inspired by it):

The tattoo has long since faded. But what’s left of it still a reminder to let go, and be still. In order to grow, you must let go. You have to be able to take the things you learned in life, and not be paralyzed by the heartbreak of ‘what could have been.’ You have to be able to stop wanting love from those who don’t have the capacity to give it.

Let go, and be still.

Everything here is me: vocals and keys.

Metallica Fridays (no. 9): just as soon as the drums belong, then it’s time they malfunction…

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So yeah… It’s been a time. Maybe Cliff Burton is looking down angrily and going, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!” But everything that could go wrong did indeed go wrong.

The battery on the laptop i was using to record died (so i had to go plug it in); the camera i was using was about to die if i didn’t plug it in. The snare kept falling so low to the point where it became impossible to properly play. The post that was holding the snare popped out. The trigger to the kick randomly went out- then it was fine. It was one thing after another. Things have definitely happened before, but it was a combination of so many things that i just wanted to cry and quit.

But i didn’t, and got through it, mistakes and all.

This experience really did put things in perspective though. i’m pretty open in my appreciation for Lars Ulrich- which, besides my connection to Metallica’s music over the years (and especially since being an amputee) is the reason i decided to do these ‘Metallica Fridays’ posts. i decided to, for some reason, search a few posts on why he is hated as a drummer by so many. i saw the usual ‘he can’t keep proper time/he’s boring/he’s too basic’ reasoning. i started thinking about it, and for a guy who is not classically trained (or hasn’t had much training at all, in comparison to other drummers), the dude is great. If he was a metronome, Metallica would not be the same band. Is the fact that he is not a metronome good for someone who wants to practice Metallica songs, and is literally just starting out on drums?

Absolutely not. There are some songs of theirs i’ve drummed to (including one i’m posting today), and it was clear he was not using a click track. i do practice with one on occasion, but you have to throw all of that away when drumming to a Metallica song, for real.

i know that saying Lars is the anchor for the band may sound strange (given that people negatively critique his drumming consistently), but it was very clear to be during the 40th anniversary shows that he was. Metallica is his baby, and he uses drums as a means to serve the rest of the music. i also love how, during the bridge of a song (or even a solo) one (or all) of the band would turn towards him, or go behind him. i’m sure it’s a way for all of them to keep time with each other, but it still looks like they are getting energy from the anchor. In 2008 he spoke about how the negative criticism bothered him at one point, and as a result he “spent a lot of time overcompensating for that on the early records. But then you wake up one day and you’re like, whatever. It hasn’t bothered me for about 15 years. I’m no Joey Jordison, I’m no Mike Portnoy, and I have nothing but love and respect and admiration for all those guys. When I hear some of the young dudes, they blow my mind with what they can do with their feet and stuff — but it’s not something that makes me go, ‘I need to feel better about myself so I’m gonna learn how to do what they do with my feet.’ I’m not a particularly accomplished drummer but I am very, very, very good at understanding the role of the drums next to James Hetfield’s rhythm guitar. I guarantee you I’m the best guy in the world for that, and that’s enough for me!”

He understands his limitations and respects those who are technically much better than him, and it’s something i deeply respect. To me, Lars is a ‘hero’ to those of us who are not technical, and ‘basic’. Of course you always want to get better, but you don’t want to beat yourself up over the fact that you aren’t on the level of some of your favorite drummers/guitarists/bassists/pianists/etc. either.

So as usual, even with all the imperfections, we have another edition of ‘Metallica Fridays’. Today we have my second favorite song on what was for 30 years my favorite Metallica album. ‘Master Of Puppets’ is my 3rd favorite Metallica song of all time, but my second favorite song on the album is ‘Leper Messiah’- the first favorite being ‘Disposable Heroes’. i definitely messed up towards the end, and came in a fraction of a second early a few times, but it’s all in the journey.

Now we have a song from the album that knocked Puppets out of the number 1 spot: ‘2X4’. While playing to this song i just kept saying to myself, Lars is a dope drummer. His style is more diverse than people give him credit for. Does he have particular staples (like the crash on the 2)? Of course! But no one Metallica album sounds the same, so he couldn’t survive on any of those albums if his style had no diversity. Go listen to Load and tell me Lars sucks.

The mishaps also happened during ‘Leper Messiah,’ but the bulk of them happened here (to the point i wanted to cry).

i hope i still did alright though.

i’m really not trying to make you mad Cliff. i promise.